Love all of this! I had parts of Our Bodies, Ourselves memorized I think. First discovered it in 1976. This brought back so many important memories of learning about myself.
PS. I also suffered another problem. My parents let me come into bed with them in the early morning and when my dad got out of bed to go pee, he often had a huge penis poking out of his pyjamas, which didn't bother me and I assumed was normal. At the age of 15, we went around Europe and I saw so many male statues, who were all shrivelled up in the penis department and I wondered if my dad was deformed. Again, I didn't know who to ask, but it bothered me. I didn't get that sorted out until I got intimate with young men.
Hi Nan. I am a lot older than you (b 1942, turned 83 two days ago) and grew up sexually in the 1950s - not a good period for that sort of thing. My mother gave me a book about how to be a teenage girl and, in the sex department, it was all about how to stop boys trying to go too far. I was very bothered because I liked them going too far (which wasn't VERY far when I was 15 or so) but I thought I must be very perverted because the book didn't cater to me and, like you, I didn't know who to ask.
Your piece opened my mind, because I have never thought about how it must feel to grow up with same sex feelings but no information. That must be extraordinarily difficult. Is it any better today?
Incidentally, you might enjoy a piece I wrote on 'Researching the female orgasm' and would give you a link, but I gather that isn't considered appropriate.
I'm pretty sure it's better today than when I was 14 or 15. But we see the backlash happening...so is it better, really? We all just live our lives, and deal with what we've been handed, I suppose. I was extremely open about my sexuality. Most of my peers were amazed that I talked about it freely.
😂 I remember finding The Joy of Sex book in my parent’s bedside table too!!! Those drawings were the best! Very mechanical, but hey, just the basics was plenty. I also realized years later that other weird mechanical thing was a vibrator. They told me it was a back massager. But then again, I literally only saw my first vibrator in real life last year. I’m a late bloomer!
I also snooped in drawers when I was babysitting. How else were we supposed to learn about stuff back then.? Nobody talked about anything!
You ARE a late bloomer. Vibrators are a riot...I've been very resistant to using them, though I have experimented. We don't have to get into details now but when the end times come and we lose access to utilities like electricity, I'll be fine, because my toys are Nan-powered. TMI? Oops! xo PS. I used to snoop in drawers at my babysitting jobs, too. My favorite discovery was the hidden Playboys at my neighbor's house. Under the mattress. First place I looked. I admitted it to the woman whose kids I sat for recently...she told me she could never get rid of those old Playboys when her husband died. She said I could have them if I wanted them! I politely declined, and we laughed til we cried. I'm a lucky woman. So much love and connection to these people from my past.
Our Bodies, Ourselves. The only book I remember "reading" in college. My sexual education consisted of the book and a visit to Planned Parenthood. Sadness comes as I remember losing my virginity in order to be like everyone else. Ugh.
I hear you about the "lose your virginity" blues. The guy I slept with? Kind of ewww, looking back. I mostly just wanted it out of the way. But I feel like I lost mine twice. More to come, as it were! Actually, no. Three times. There will be stories. xo
Adored this one! Eerie how much of what you say here was true for me too. Maybe there were secret armies of secret turned-on OB/OS teen readers in 1978… all while their families were busy keeping their own secrets.
I can’t seem to “Like” comments on Substack anymore, though I can Like whole articles. I’m tapped out on trying to find a fix for this … so I’ll just say: Like!
The knock/open. That was my mom, who told me absolutely nothing about periods or sex. I did have a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” and of course I had to hide it. Oof. Those days. Thank you for being bold. For being Nan. xoxo
Shout out for Hilda Ward, health teacher and brave human. I love that she shared with you in your time of need. The thought of you having a wank in a ratty armchair with a patriotic hued afghan gives me the giggles. BYE DAD!
"Our Bodies, Ourselves" and "Free To Be You and Me" were my everything growing up. Thanks for the fun, sweet look at teenage Nan. ♥️
Oh, can we sing together? I still know the words to every song on that album. Did you have a favorite? I love the title song, of course, Rosey Grier singing "It's All Right to Cry" and "William's Doll" And then all the others except for the one I thought was weird, "Girl Land." And yes, Hilda was amazing, and once even read into some depression/suicidal ideation comments I'd made, and got into her car, drove to my house on a Friday afternoon to make sure I wasn't going to hurt myself. I spoke to her about 10 years ago. Living her life as a poet and loving her heritage out loud. I loved her.
WILLIAM'S DOLL. OMG I loved that one. And Carol Channing talking about housework. I'll have to throw that record on and see how much of it is hardwired in my random access files. I'll bet it's still in there. ♥️
Nan, this was wonderful. I love how candid you are, how willing to share the story of those oh so awkward early forays into sexual knowledge as teens, so that we, too, can see ourselves reflected in your experience. I learned about sexuality quite inaccurately through peers and experimentation (basement beer parties) in my teens in the '70s, -not by my mother who was awkward to discuss it. And there was the seesaw of longing, then disappointment, ultimately knowing that much better sex was to come--ah, those freewheeling college years! I wore the name my best friend gave me with pride: "The lusty wench" (perfect for an English lit major with a minor in boys). I had a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves, too, I think when I got to college. This really took me down memory lane!
I had so much fun writing this one. I want to talk about everything candidly when I write about my life. I grew up in a home shrouded in secrets. Not an unusual thing, for sure. I really have none anymore. I did for a long time. It doesn't work. I love "lusty wench!" Best image. I've always loved the word wench. There's a lot of power in it. xo
Oooh, the dreaded knock-n-open. Our girls still talk about their father's tendency to do that. The closest I ever got to being found out (as far as I know!), I was much younger and had inadvertently put my p.j.s on inside out. I remember my mother asking about it the next morning, but if she figured it out, she didn't let on. No one ever talked to me about any of that. I barely got the period talk.
Years later, my kids took part in the Unitarian O.W.L (Our Whole Lives) program. Mom would have been appalled!
Oh, good! I'm glad you listened. Still honing my podcast tech skills. One of the jobs I had later in life was as a sex/health educator at Planned Parenthood. You should see my condom demonstration. I had fans! Most of them were teenage boys. xo
It's very funny. The high school boys would drag their pals into our drop-in center and look at me and say "show him the rubber trick!" Loved it. I'll write about it one day.
Oh, the secret ghastliness of living in an adolescent body. When I began to menstruate, I thought you were supposed to pee on the Kotex. This made me hate my period even more. I don’t remember how I got this notion, which didn’t last long yet felt like forever.
It's a somewhat miserable adventure, isn't it? I lasted one day with a sanitary napkin. I found that absolutely horrendous. On to a tidier method, the tampon! My mother was absolutely stunned when I called her from school the first day of my first period to tell her that I was "graduating." Her reply, "I didn't start using tampons until I got married." OMG, why? Apparently there was a fear that using a tampon might interfere with proving virginity? So glad I didn't have to deal with that nonsense. And thank goodness I no longer have to deal with that part of being a woman. I love menopause. xo
Love all of this! I had parts of Our Bodies, Ourselves memorized I think. First discovered it in 1976. This brought back so many important memories of learning about myself.
Love that! Which parts did YOU memorize? You know what I memorized! xo
Oh that book was something else! I learned so much 😊
ME TOO. And The Joy of Sex was just meh compared to Our Bodies, Ourselves.
I have three now grown boys. I learned early and the hard way, pun intended, to knock and WAIT.
Hilarious! xo
PS. I also suffered another problem. My parents let me come into bed with them in the early morning and when my dad got out of bed to go pee, he often had a huge penis poking out of his pyjamas, which didn't bother me and I assumed was normal. At the age of 15, we went around Europe and I saw so many male statues, who were all shrivelled up in the penis department and I wondered if my dad was deformed. Again, I didn't know who to ask, but it bothered me. I didn't get that sorted out until I got intimate with young men.
Hi Nan. I am a lot older than you (b 1942, turned 83 two days ago) and grew up sexually in the 1950s - not a good period for that sort of thing. My mother gave me a book about how to be a teenage girl and, in the sex department, it was all about how to stop boys trying to go too far. I was very bothered because I liked them going too far (which wasn't VERY far when I was 15 or so) but I thought I must be very perverted because the book didn't cater to me and, like you, I didn't know who to ask.
Your piece opened my mind, because I have never thought about how it must feel to grow up with same sex feelings but no information. That must be extraordinarily difficult. Is it any better today?
Incidentally, you might enjoy a piece I wrote on 'Researching the female orgasm' and would give you a link, but I gather that isn't considered appropriate.
I'm pretty sure it's better today than when I was 14 or 15. But we see the backlash happening...so is it better, really? We all just live our lives, and deal with what we've been handed, I suppose. I was extremely open about my sexuality. Most of my peers were amazed that I talked about it freely.
What a brilliant piece of writing. I was taken back to 1978 and my own awkward hormone charged years. 😆
Thanks, Sheila! This was a really fun story to tell. The "good old days!"
It was fun to read 🤗 I don’t miss those years though, all them feelings were far too intense for me. 😆
Oh, I don't miss them either. I hated being a teenager. I was pretty miserable a lot of the time.
Me too! I also was incredibly spotty which was not fun.
😂 I remember finding The Joy of Sex book in my parent’s bedside table too!!! Those drawings were the best! Very mechanical, but hey, just the basics was plenty. I also realized years later that other weird mechanical thing was a vibrator. They told me it was a back massager. But then again, I literally only saw my first vibrator in real life last year. I’m a late bloomer!
I also snooped in drawers when I was babysitting. How else were we supposed to learn about stuff back then.? Nobody talked about anything!
You ARE a late bloomer. Vibrators are a riot...I've been very resistant to using them, though I have experimented. We don't have to get into details now but when the end times come and we lose access to utilities like electricity, I'll be fine, because my toys are Nan-powered. TMI? Oops! xo PS. I used to snoop in drawers at my babysitting jobs, too. My favorite discovery was the hidden Playboys at my neighbor's house. Under the mattress. First place I looked. I admitted it to the woman whose kids I sat for recently...she told me she could never get rid of those old Playboys when her husband died. She said I could have them if I wanted them! I politely declined, and we laughed til we cried. I'm a lucky woman. So much love and connection to these people from my past.
Our Bodies, Ourselves. The only book I remember "reading" in college. My sexual education consisted of the book and a visit to Planned Parenthood. Sadness comes as I remember losing my virginity in order to be like everyone else. Ugh.
Thanks for another great story!
I hear you about the "lose your virginity" blues. The guy I slept with? Kind of ewww, looking back. I mostly just wanted it out of the way. But I feel like I lost mine twice. More to come, as it were! Actually, no. Three times. There will be stories. xo
Adored this one! Eerie how much of what you say here was true for me too. Maybe there were secret armies of secret turned-on OB/OS teen readers in 1978… all while their families were busy keeping their own secrets.
Woohoo! I love that. It was ridiculously wonderful, wasn't it? My family. Oy vey. I learned to be self-sufficient in so many different ways! xo
I can’t seem to “Like” comments on Substack anymore, though I can Like whole articles. I’m tapped out on trying to find a fix for this … so I’ll just say: Like!
Like back. xo I'll like it for you...Thanks for letting me know!
The knock/open. That was my mom, who told me absolutely nothing about periods or sex. I did have a copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” and of course I had to hide it. Oof. Those days. Thank you for being bold. For being Nan. xoxo
Thanks, Mary! This was such a fun piece to write. Those days were a mess! But we made it through, didn't we? Love you, Mary! Talk soon, please? xo
Well told, Nan! Ending with the line about not knocking is wonderful.
Thanks, Amy. This was fun to write. I needed to laugh this week. xo
"We definitely didn’t talk about being gay, well, until my father came out. Then we didn’t talk about it even more" ❤️
Yup. Exactly. More to come, for sure.
Shout out for Hilda Ward, health teacher and brave human. I love that she shared with you in your time of need. The thought of you having a wank in a ratty armchair with a patriotic hued afghan gives me the giggles. BYE DAD!
"Our Bodies, Ourselves" and "Free To Be You and Me" were my everything growing up. Thanks for the fun, sweet look at teenage Nan. ♥️
Oh, can we sing together? I still know the words to every song on that album. Did you have a favorite? I love the title song, of course, Rosey Grier singing "It's All Right to Cry" and "William's Doll" And then all the others except for the one I thought was weird, "Girl Land." And yes, Hilda was amazing, and once even read into some depression/suicidal ideation comments I'd made, and got into her car, drove to my house on a Friday afternoon to make sure I wasn't going to hurt myself. I spoke to her about 10 years ago. Living her life as a poet and loving her heritage out loud. I loved her.
The Hilda update makes my heart singggggggg....
WILLIAM'S DOLL. OMG I loved that one. And Carol Channing talking about housework. I'll have to throw that record on and see how much of it is hardwired in my random access files. I'll bet it's still in there. ♥️
Nan, this was wonderful. I love how candid you are, how willing to share the story of those oh so awkward early forays into sexual knowledge as teens, so that we, too, can see ourselves reflected in your experience. I learned about sexuality quite inaccurately through peers and experimentation (basement beer parties) in my teens in the '70s, -not by my mother who was awkward to discuss it. And there was the seesaw of longing, then disappointment, ultimately knowing that much better sex was to come--ah, those freewheeling college years! I wore the name my best friend gave me with pride: "The lusty wench" (perfect for an English lit major with a minor in boys). I had a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves, too, I think when I got to college. This really took me down memory lane!
I had so much fun writing this one. I want to talk about everything candidly when I write about my life. I grew up in a home shrouded in secrets. Not an unusual thing, for sure. I really have none anymore. I did for a long time. It doesn't work. I love "lusty wench!" Best image. I've always loved the word wench. There's a lot of power in it. xo
Oooh, the dreaded knock-n-open. Our girls still talk about their father's tendency to do that. The closest I ever got to being found out (as far as I know!), I was much younger and had inadvertently put my p.j.s on inside out. I remember my mother asking about it the next morning, but if she figured it out, she didn't let on. No one ever talked to me about any of that. I barely got the period talk.
Years later, my kids took part in the Unitarian O.W.L (Our Whole Lives) program. Mom would have been appalled!
Fun read (actually, listen), Nan!
Oh, good! I'm glad you listened. Still honing my podcast tech skills. One of the jobs I had later in life was as a sex/health educator at Planned Parenthood. You should see my condom demonstration. I had fans! Most of them were teenage boys. xo
Ha! I'm not surprised! 🍌
It's very funny. The high school boys would drag their pals into our drop-in center and look at me and say "show him the rubber trick!" Loved it. I'll write about it one day.
Oh, the secret ghastliness of living in an adolescent body. When I began to menstruate, I thought you were supposed to pee on the Kotex. This made me hate my period even more. I don’t remember how I got this notion, which didn’t last long yet felt like forever.
It's a somewhat miserable adventure, isn't it? I lasted one day with a sanitary napkin. I found that absolutely horrendous. On to a tidier method, the tampon! My mother was absolutely stunned when I called her from school the first day of my first period to tell her that I was "graduating." Her reply, "I didn't start using tampons until I got married." OMG, why? Apparently there was a fear that using a tampon might interfere with proving virginity? So glad I didn't have to deal with that nonsense. And thank goodness I no longer have to deal with that part of being a woman. I love menopause. xo
The first time I used a tampon, two girls stood outside the cubicle, giving me advice. It took a few attempts before I succeeded. Mortifying.
It's pretty daunting at first...but once you get there, it's a much better option, at least it was for me!