Well, Nan, so much to unpack here. Your honesty helps me feel braver about writing more about my own story - and exploring a bit more about what emotional incest might be. I have always been an avid reader of self-help books, maybe because of my background in psychology and counseling. I'm learning, at age 45, that I chose this field of study because of the dysfunction in my own family of origin. I needed to understand the dynamics and I wanted to do differently when I grew up. I hope I am unraveling those generational patterns, but I still feel quite enmeshed with my mother. I wish I didn't. So, thank you. This is helpful. I have a lot I'm storing in the back of my mind.
I'm glad you read it. After I read the book, I walked around for days in a kind of fog and at the same time everything was more clear than it ever was. It just landed like a huge exhale. A relief. A reckoning and acceptance. And I knew that so much of what I told myself wasn't true at all. Maybe it wasn't a fog. Maybe it was shock? One thing for sure. I knew how to go forward with my memoir. It's a crazy story that isn't uncommon, unfortunately, but will be handled with love and honesty. And that doesn't mean there won't be anger. There will also be joy and gratitude. And grief for what I lost, and what he never got. xo
Nan, all of the feelings and experiences are part of what it means to be human. I think the main lesson I learned when I worked with the bereaved for almost ten years was this: It’s okay to feel enraged, lonely, jealous, terrified, sad, relieved, elated. It’s all okay. And it’s all welcome.
I’m glad you embrace and write about the full spectrum of what it means to be human. It’s so important. So many people, it seems, miss the nuances and complexities of lived experience. I think that’s why I feel devastated with how polarized conversations tend to be in the world—polarized and judgmental.
Whatever happened to having an open heart and an open mind?
I don’t believe we, as a society, will ever make true progress if we don’t begin walking the path toward collective healing, and that must begin with each person growing in self-awareness and emotional maturity. Yet I’ve observed that most of us don’t do that, and I do grieve that truth.
At the same time, I know there are those of us who believe in the hard inner work and invest in it, because we know that doing better for ourselves automatically ripples into the world and the way we show up in our communities.
Wow, I was not intending to write a mini-TED talk here!
All this to say, I hear how you wonder if the “fog” was actually shock. That makes sense to me, Nan. As does the reckoning. The acceptance. It’s all part of leaning into the truth of your lived experience.
I loved your mini-TED Talk. I felt like I was reading a more refined version of one of my internal (and sometimes external) rants! We can do so much better as humans, if we started looking at things from a place of common sense and love. I think it usually comes down to one simple idea. The Golden Rule.
I want to tell you more about my memoir. But first it would help to write it all, and put it together! Looking forward to a Zoom. xo
Nope, I'm too busy running story slams. Gotta figure out a writing schedule for memoir, too. HAVE TO. I haven't been writing for The Next Write Thing much at all, and miss those readers and my process. Working on coming up with something that works for both (shorter essays!). We'll see. It's got to happen soon. I had a writing bonanza the other night, totally in the flow and passion, and I was writing something not quite in my normal wheelhouse. It was heaven. I was riding that wonderful wave when you know something is clicking and you learn something new about yourself. If you come to the August slam, you'll get to see/hear it. Or, you can always watch it in the replay!
Wow, love hearing about your creative process, Nan. I can relate to some of this, as I started a new Substack publication called Ghost Mother this year. Keeping up with two publications has proven to be tough! All while writing essays and polishing my book proposal for my memoir and doing my freelance editing work.
I’m so glad you rode the wave of creativity! That’s often what I do, too.
I am a fellow survivor of covert incest and am always very grateful to find fellow travelers speaking up about it. Thank you.
You wrote, "What I experienced was both subtle and blatant. I just couldn’t see it." I relate to this in a way that transcends words. I recently wrote a piece about how, long before we have language for what is happening, our body knows that what's happening is wrong. I only recently came to a similar conclusion as you, and it's both world-shattering and unimaginably liberating.
Wow. Such a beautiful and vulnerable post Nan. I NEVER thought about the enmeshment as sexual. Fascinating realizations here. Taking a different look at my own trauma. Thank you for sharing. xx
Thank you, Lisa. There was a charge, for sure. But it was more about becoming my father's confidante, therapist, enabler, and sacrificing my well-being for what I equated with love and a unique relationship. People envied our bond. But it wasn't a healthy bond. There was always a power differential, and I abdicated my responsibility to myself, because I made him my idol. I refused to see his flaws, and he didn't have the tools to teach me boundaries. I had to do that for myself, so many years later. I learned that idolizing anyone is a horrible disservice to my well-being. It took me a very long time, and I repeated that behavior many times until I saw how damaging it was for me. xo
I had the same with my mother. It is SO deep and takes so much unlearning. I am happy you came out the other side so whole and with stories to help others see their own past.
this is a powerful perspective through vulnerability. thank you for sharing
the traumas inflicted on previous generations impact the actions of the current. my family has an institutional memory of the Great Depression that still impacts decisions.
may I ask why the word covert incest is required to describe this specific problem? it provoked a visceral reaction that I am unsure about.
Thanks for reading, Michael. Covert or emotional incest perfectly describes the relationship I had with my father. I "married" him in my own mind when I was a little girl. We were so enmeshed. We fed the dynamic. And it kept me trapped, and it probably did, too, for him. If it touched a nerve, maybe explore the book I mentioned. It was extremely helpful for me. xo
Thank you, Tamara. It's really amazing how much this is resonating for others. Not an uncommon dynamic, it seems. But one that's really hard to live in. xo
What in depth soul searching you are doing Nan, applying a clear and I am sure not easy lens to the patterns of your parents and you as a child caught up in the midst of it. Glad you’re finding such supportive resources. I relate to this when I consider my own parents, whether there is trauma or not, entanglement exists that can be unhealthy for us; ‘I needed their backstory to make sense of my life. The thing I didn’t see clearly was the role I played with each of them.’
Thanks for reading, and for your thoughtful comments (always). I feel so lucky to be doing the work I'm doing...maybe luck isn't the right word, since I've chosen to do it! Maybe a more accurate way of putting it is that I'm grateful for the willingness to do this work. Life is good. xo
Yes, the willingness to do the work. And the courage and perseverance. I am always surprised at how many of my friends have no interest or desire for this inner work when I find it endlessly fascinating and healing, opening up my life in so many ways. Even if, and maybe especially because, it is painful to do so. Through the fire, a rebirth.
I can't imagine not having curiosity about the way I tick. Growth is thrilling to me. It's been quite an adventure; sometimes painful, sometimes joyful, always revealing. I think it's called life! xo
Nan.Your experience has brought you to brilliant insights snd clarity.. It can take a lifetime to untangle what seems like a a several thousand piece puzzle. This is beautifully written and it will be a work in progress as you uncover each new piece the puzzle. Your willingness to shine a light in dark places is truly brave and healing. Its an inspiration!
Thank you, Nan. I suspect my sisters suffered this covert emotional abuse from our mom. I know they did. They don't talk about it and that's hurtful to them since they remain in isolation. Our mom just died in December 2023 so I will have to give them time. Meanwhile I will work my steps. And yet I can still love my parents and know love is not enough.
Sex abuse of children, teens, seminarians and vulnerable people is like alcoholism: it's everywhere and it's part of the culture. People recover. Survivors will have to and do set the tone. May enablers follow and maybe one day, may the abusers make their first step, to manage their disease. Not just may they one day, but really, they will have to. Until then may survivors find their chosen family.
Blatant sex abuse is inexcusable, and I experienced some subtle boundary crossing that was sexual in nature, but I suffered more from covert incest, with both of my parents. I was like a little trained monkey running back and forth between them, catering to their emotional needs with little to no attention given to mine. It's taken years for me to work this out. I looked at your profile, so I see that you didn't go unharmed either, and I'm so sorry for what you went through. And your sisters went through it too, but of a different type. Boundaries so important, but we struggle to develop them, especially when our parents didn't have healthy ones to model for us. We go on, hopefully healing, and yes, chosen family is the one I choose to belong too. xo Thank you for reading and commenting, Henri. xo
I love the clarity you have worked so hard for. This is so enlightening, and your joy in finding the name for it, is rising off every word. Hooray for you. There really is a feeling of joy in this, although the subject is not joyous. Thank you for sharing it.
it me. love you so much. my parents didn't wait until I was an adult and I knew way, way too much. I was my mother's confidant and my father's partner in crime and deception. but, they did the best they could with what they had at the time, neither one of them grew up in happy marriages or had good role models, so...but I take issue with your title. not doomed. short-sheeted, screwed up, but not doomed. ❤️🩹
Thanks. The title of the piece is somewhat sarcastic. And it only really refers to the episode at the beginning, that the die was cast. I like my title because I gotta tell you, my life felt cursed for so long for too many reasons. Love you, Jodi. xo
I do not know about this covert incest. I will need to learn more. Thank you for bringing this to light. Thank you for being willing to share. And I hope this truth and sharing support you on your growth while also bringing and awareness to others.
It's pretty fascinating. It was a relief to have a specific definition of what I experienced in my family. It's so interesting to me that so few people seem to know about this, and at the same time, so many people go through similar things with their parents. I'm glad you read it. Thank you so much, Alicia. I love Joyful for your last name! xo
The exploration continues. Nan, thank you for your willingness to bring us with you as you dive deeper, always returning with some new insight and the knowledge that sharing is essential to understanding.
As a side note, I’m totally with you on the self-help book resistance. I just put a couple of those CBT/DBT workbooks in my Little Free Library. I think I had to redact a couple of pages in one of them. I realized a few pages in that these questions were pointless, and would never guide my way to self-knowledge. Just another therapy failure. Oh well.
Love you, sweetie. Always rely on your own headlamp. xoxo
Love you, darling Mary. I love the image of the headlamp. I wear one in bed when I'm reading at night. I will say that I agree with you on the self-help books thing, bar one this one exception. It was just the message I needed to confirm so many of the next steps I'm taking! Let's plan a chat, please! xo
It is hard to be "glad" about anything here, and yet I am glad you are getting answers or finding rubrics to better understand these relationships and how they impacted you then and now. Family dynamics can be such a puzzle (or minefield), and it seems that sometimes patterns emerge and devolve from something that may have been well-intended and spiraled, maybe in ways never really understood. I'm sorry you were caught in such a triangle, and I am glad that the work you are doing now is bringing clarity and at least understanding, if not healing. Naming can be so important.
The work is bringing both, thankfully, clarity and healing. It's empowering me to say more, write more, and go deeper. I spent so much of my life looking at my confusion, the many depressions, the years on disability thinking I was so broken that I'd never really have a full or good life. I blamed it on my heredity, but I was looking at the biological more than the coping mechanisms and dysfunctional place my family operated from. Knowing that engaging in the relationship from the early years of my childhood into somewhat recent adulthood, and thinking so little of myself, and feeling so trapped by the diagnosis I was labeled with for years, and then uncovering the nugget of trauma that I was saddled with as the more realistic definition of what I experienced explained so many things to me that I needed to know, so that I could heal and become the creative I was always meant to be has been the greatest gift I can imagine. I'm here, world! So, I am glad, relieved, encouraged, clear, grounded, and free. That's a lot to celebrate after decades of being frozen in beliefs that weren't true. xo
Nan, you're doing such a brave, in-depth investigation and exploration...I can almost see the decision tree of revelations in the way you've shared your thoughts here. Respect! and a ton of hugs.
Thank you, Victoria. It's a lot, and I think you're correct. I've been processing so many choices I'm making through the generative practice of writing about my life here.
Beautiful and brave, Nan. I remember sitting at my father's feet, competing for his attention against my mother, and winning. I recall the covert smile and the power it gave me - just that isolated moment. I also remember trying to attract the male gaze when I was a young adult, what it meant about me when it worked, and what it meant when it didn't. I collected the gaze, the sex part, not so much. Forge on, sister-friend. I'm looking forward to the memoirs. There are some interesting twists I can foresee. Much love, my friend, and may the journey be enlightening and gentle.
Thank you my dear. There's a lot there, for you, for me. I'm glad to be taking this walk with you, as I engage in this process. You are such a beautiful presence in my life. So grateful and greatful that our paths have merged, so that we could become friends. Love to you, xo
Appearances to others vs the day to day interior experience. How you were nurtured and harmed. What can be forgiven or tolerated and where those boundaries lie. I’m amazed that children sense everything and how they survive.
That it is. I think children really do know, on some level that something isn't right, and then spend a lot of time talking themselves out of it, because the harm doesn't make sense. And the need to create boundaries to keep oneself safe as a child are often impossible to make, because why would we mistrust the very people who claim they loved us so much, but caused so much pain. So confusing for a little one. xo
Well, Nan, so much to unpack here. Your honesty helps me feel braver about writing more about my own story - and exploring a bit more about what emotional incest might be. I have always been an avid reader of self-help books, maybe because of my background in psychology and counseling. I'm learning, at age 45, that I chose this field of study because of the dysfunction in my own family of origin. I needed to understand the dynamics and I wanted to do differently when I grew up. I hope I am unraveling those generational patterns, but I still feel quite enmeshed with my mother. I wish I didn't. So, thank you. This is helpful. I have a lot I'm storing in the back of my mind.
I'm glad you read it. After I read the book, I walked around for days in a kind of fog and at the same time everything was more clear than it ever was. It just landed like a huge exhale. A relief. A reckoning and acceptance. And I knew that so much of what I told myself wasn't true at all. Maybe it wasn't a fog. Maybe it was shock? One thing for sure. I knew how to go forward with my memoir. It's a crazy story that isn't uncommon, unfortunately, but will be handled with love and honesty. And that doesn't mean there won't be anger. There will also be joy and gratitude. And grief for what I lost, and what he never got. xo
Nan, all of the feelings and experiences are part of what it means to be human. I think the main lesson I learned when I worked with the bereaved for almost ten years was this: It’s okay to feel enraged, lonely, jealous, terrified, sad, relieved, elated. It’s all okay. And it’s all welcome.
I’m glad you embrace and write about the full spectrum of what it means to be human. It’s so important. So many people, it seems, miss the nuances and complexities of lived experience. I think that’s why I feel devastated with how polarized conversations tend to be in the world—polarized and judgmental.
Whatever happened to having an open heart and an open mind?
I don’t believe we, as a society, will ever make true progress if we don’t begin walking the path toward collective healing, and that must begin with each person growing in self-awareness and emotional maturity. Yet I’ve observed that most of us don’t do that, and I do grieve that truth.
At the same time, I know there are those of us who believe in the hard inner work and invest in it, because we know that doing better for ourselves automatically ripples into the world and the way we show up in our communities.
Wow, I was not intending to write a mini-TED talk here!
All this to say, I hear how you wonder if the “fog” was actually shock. That makes sense to me, Nan. As does the reckoning. The acceptance. It’s all part of leaning into the truth of your lived experience.
I REALLY want to hear more about your memoir!
I loved your mini-TED Talk. I felt like I was reading a more refined version of one of my internal (and sometimes external) rants! We can do so much better as humans, if we started looking at things from a place of common sense and love. I think it usually comes down to one simple idea. The Golden Rule.
I want to tell you more about my memoir. But first it would help to write it all, and put it together! Looking forward to a Zoom. xo
Oh wow, Nan, I imagined you had your memoir all ready to go! I agree about The Golden Rule. Spot on there.
OK, I need to check my DMs and get back to you on the Zoom soon! :)
Nope, I'm too busy running story slams. Gotta figure out a writing schedule for memoir, too. HAVE TO. I haven't been writing for The Next Write Thing much at all, and miss those readers and my process. Working on coming up with something that works for both (shorter essays!). We'll see. It's got to happen soon. I had a writing bonanza the other night, totally in the flow and passion, and I was writing something not quite in my normal wheelhouse. It was heaven. I was riding that wonderful wave when you know something is clicking and you learn something new about yourself. If you come to the August slam, you'll get to see/hear it. Or, you can always watch it in the replay!
Wow, love hearing about your creative process, Nan. I can relate to some of this, as I started a new Substack publication called Ghost Mother this year. Keeping up with two publications has proven to be tough! All while writing essays and polishing my book proposal for my memoir and doing my freelance editing work.
I’m so glad you rode the wave of creativity! That’s often what I do, too.
Wow. Complicated is an understatement.
Yep.
I am a fellow survivor of covert incest and am always very grateful to find fellow travelers speaking up about it. Thank you.
You wrote, "What I experienced was both subtle and blatant. I just couldn’t see it." I relate to this in a way that transcends words. I recently wrote a piece about how, long before we have language for what is happening, our body knows that what's happening is wrong. I only recently came to a similar conclusion as you, and it's both world-shattering and unimaginably liberating.
Wow. Such a beautiful and vulnerable post Nan. I NEVER thought about the enmeshment as sexual. Fascinating realizations here. Taking a different look at my own trauma. Thank you for sharing. xx
Thank you, Lisa. There was a charge, for sure. But it was more about becoming my father's confidante, therapist, enabler, and sacrificing my well-being for what I equated with love and a unique relationship. People envied our bond. But it wasn't a healthy bond. There was always a power differential, and I abdicated my responsibility to myself, because I made him my idol. I refused to see his flaws, and he didn't have the tools to teach me boundaries. I had to do that for myself, so many years later. I learned that idolizing anyone is a horrible disservice to my well-being. It took me a very long time, and I repeated that behavior many times until I saw how damaging it was for me. xo
I had the same with my mother. It is SO deep and takes so much unlearning. I am happy you came out the other side so whole and with stories to help others see their own past.
Thank you, sweetie. It’s hard work. 1 step forward, 2 steps back some days, and that’s fine. xo
this is a powerful perspective through vulnerability. thank you for sharing
the traumas inflicted on previous generations impact the actions of the current. my family has an institutional memory of the Great Depression that still impacts decisions.
may I ask why the word covert incest is required to describe this specific problem? it provoked a visceral reaction that I am unsure about.
Thanks for reading, Michael. Covert or emotional incest perfectly describes the relationship I had with my father. I "married" him in my own mind when I was a little girl. We were so enmeshed. We fed the dynamic. And it kept me trapped, and it probably did, too, for him. If it touched a nerve, maybe explore the book I mentioned. It was extremely helpful for me. xo
How incredibly raw and vulnerable. Thank you for sharing Nan, your story will undoubtedly resonate with many.
Thank you, Tamara. It's really amazing how much this is resonating for others. Not an uncommon dynamic, it seems. But one that's really hard to live in. xo
What in depth soul searching you are doing Nan, applying a clear and I am sure not easy lens to the patterns of your parents and you as a child caught up in the midst of it. Glad you’re finding such supportive resources. I relate to this when I consider my own parents, whether there is trauma or not, entanglement exists that can be unhealthy for us; ‘I needed their backstory to make sense of my life. The thing I didn’t see clearly was the role I played with each of them.’
Thanks for reading, and for your thoughtful comments (always). I feel so lucky to be doing the work I'm doing...maybe luck isn't the right word, since I've chosen to do it! Maybe a more accurate way of putting it is that I'm grateful for the willingness to do this work. Life is good. xo
Yes, the willingness to do the work. And the courage and perseverance. I am always surprised at how many of my friends have no interest or desire for this inner work when I find it endlessly fascinating and healing, opening up my life in so many ways. Even if, and maybe especially because, it is painful to do so. Through the fire, a rebirth.
I can't imagine not having curiosity about the way I tick. Growth is thrilling to me. It's been quite an adventure; sometimes painful, sometimes joyful, always revealing. I think it's called life! xo
Nan.Your experience has brought you to brilliant insights snd clarity.. It can take a lifetime to untangle what seems like a a several thousand piece puzzle. This is beautifully written and it will be a work in progress as you uncover each new piece the puzzle. Your willingness to shine a light in dark places is truly brave and healing. Its an inspiration!
Thank you, Dee. xo
Thank you, Nan. I suspect my sisters suffered this covert emotional abuse from our mom. I know they did. They don't talk about it and that's hurtful to them since they remain in isolation. Our mom just died in December 2023 so I will have to give them time. Meanwhile I will work my steps. And yet I can still love my parents and know love is not enough.
Sex abuse of children, teens, seminarians and vulnerable people is like alcoholism: it's everywhere and it's part of the culture. People recover. Survivors will have to and do set the tone. May enablers follow and maybe one day, may the abusers make their first step, to manage their disease. Not just may they one day, but really, they will have to. Until then may survivors find their chosen family.
Blatant sex abuse is inexcusable, and I experienced some subtle boundary crossing that was sexual in nature, but I suffered more from covert incest, with both of my parents. I was like a little trained monkey running back and forth between them, catering to their emotional needs with little to no attention given to mine. It's taken years for me to work this out. I looked at your profile, so I see that you didn't go unharmed either, and I'm so sorry for what you went through. And your sisters went through it too, but of a different type. Boundaries so important, but we struggle to develop them, especially when our parents didn't have healthy ones to model for us. We go on, hopefully healing, and yes, chosen family is the one I choose to belong too. xo Thank you for reading and commenting, Henri. xo
I love the clarity you have worked so hard for. This is so enlightening, and your joy in finding the name for it, is rising off every word. Hooray for you. There really is a feeling of joy in this, although the subject is not joyous. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you, Abby. I'm so glad that the joy is evident to you, the relief I feel. Love you, my friend. xo
it me. love you so much. my parents didn't wait until I was an adult and I knew way, way too much. I was my mother's confidant and my father's partner in crime and deception. but, they did the best they could with what they had at the time, neither one of them grew up in happy marriages or had good role models, so...but I take issue with your title. not doomed. short-sheeted, screwed up, but not doomed. ❤️🩹
Thanks. The title of the piece is somewhat sarcastic. And it only really refers to the episode at the beginning, that the die was cast. I like my title because I gotta tell you, my life felt cursed for so long for too many reasons. Love you, Jodi. xo
I do not know about this covert incest. I will need to learn more. Thank you for bringing this to light. Thank you for being willing to share. And I hope this truth and sharing support you on your growth while also bringing and awareness to others.
It's pretty fascinating. It was a relief to have a specific definition of what I experienced in my family. It's so interesting to me that so few people seem to know about this, and at the same time, so many people go through similar things with their parents. I'm glad you read it. Thank you so much, Alicia. I love Joyful for your last name! xo
Thank you Nan. Joyful is my chosen name, is was my remembering of who I always was and am when I release the stories :)
A great intention. Love that.
The exploration continues. Nan, thank you for your willingness to bring us with you as you dive deeper, always returning with some new insight and the knowledge that sharing is essential to understanding.
As a side note, I’m totally with you on the self-help book resistance. I just put a couple of those CBT/DBT workbooks in my Little Free Library. I think I had to redact a couple of pages in one of them. I realized a few pages in that these questions were pointless, and would never guide my way to self-knowledge. Just another therapy failure. Oh well.
Love you, sweetie. Always rely on your own headlamp. xoxo
Love you, darling Mary. I love the image of the headlamp. I wear one in bed when I'm reading at night. I will say that I agree with you on the self-help books thing, bar one this one exception. It was just the message I needed to confirm so many of the next steps I'm taking! Let's plan a chat, please! xo
It is hard to be "glad" about anything here, and yet I am glad you are getting answers or finding rubrics to better understand these relationships and how they impacted you then and now. Family dynamics can be such a puzzle (or minefield), and it seems that sometimes patterns emerge and devolve from something that may have been well-intended and spiraled, maybe in ways never really understood. I'm sorry you were caught in such a triangle, and I am glad that the work you are doing now is bringing clarity and at least understanding, if not healing. Naming can be so important.
The work is bringing both, thankfully, clarity and healing. It's empowering me to say more, write more, and go deeper. I spent so much of my life looking at my confusion, the many depressions, the years on disability thinking I was so broken that I'd never really have a full or good life. I blamed it on my heredity, but I was looking at the biological more than the coping mechanisms and dysfunctional place my family operated from. Knowing that engaging in the relationship from the early years of my childhood into somewhat recent adulthood, and thinking so little of myself, and feeling so trapped by the diagnosis I was labeled with for years, and then uncovering the nugget of trauma that I was saddled with as the more realistic definition of what I experienced explained so many things to me that I needed to know, so that I could heal and become the creative I was always meant to be has been the greatest gift I can imagine. I'm here, world! So, I am glad, relieved, encouraged, clear, grounded, and free. That's a lot to celebrate after decades of being frozen in beliefs that weren't true. xo
Nan, you're doing such a brave, in-depth investigation and exploration...I can almost see the decision tree of revelations in the way you've shared your thoughts here. Respect! and a ton of hugs.
Thank you, Victoria. It's a lot, and I think you're correct. I've been processing so many choices I'm making through the generative practice of writing about my life here.
Beautiful and brave, Nan. I remember sitting at my father's feet, competing for his attention against my mother, and winning. I recall the covert smile and the power it gave me - just that isolated moment. I also remember trying to attract the male gaze when I was a young adult, what it meant about me when it worked, and what it meant when it didn't. I collected the gaze, the sex part, not so much. Forge on, sister-friend. I'm looking forward to the memoirs. There are some interesting twists I can foresee. Much love, my friend, and may the journey be enlightening and gentle.
Thank you my dear. There's a lot there, for you, for me. I'm glad to be taking this walk with you, as I engage in this process. You are such a beautiful presence in my life. So grateful and greatful that our paths have merged, so that we could become friends. Love to you, xo
Love you, too. To the moon and back.
YAY! xo
Fascinating.
Thank you, Michele. What did you find fascinating about it? xo
Appearances to others vs the day to day interior experience. How you were nurtured and harmed. What can be forgiven or tolerated and where those boundaries lie. I’m amazed that children sense everything and how they survive.
That it is. I think children really do know, on some level that something isn't right, and then spend a lot of time talking themselves out of it, because the harm doesn't make sense. And the need to create boundaries to keep oneself safe as a child are often impossible to make, because why would we mistrust the very people who claim they loved us so much, but caused so much pain. So confusing for a little one. xo