I listened to your audio of this story & it moved me greatly. You told it with so much empathy & compassion (and humor, with the condom demonstrations!). My heart broke for young Jane. And that final scene, in the pharmacy, the candy she chose, the teddy bear you bought her. Oh Nan my heart broke in two then. Thank you for the work you did for Planned Parenthood and for sharing this. This is what we’re fighting for.
Thank you, Amy. It is what we're fighting for. We have to take it back though, because "they" never will. I have no idea what that will look like, but this is literally a fight for our lives, and any woman who doesn't think that's true is deluding herself. That day was one of the hardest of my life. I can only speculate on what it must've been like for Jane. She didn't talk much. And she was beautiful, delicate, and wise. xo
Nan, I'm sorry this piece needed to be written, but I'm glad it was you who took it on and did it with just the right balance of sensitivity and fury. Every woman, many who have lived some version of this story, understands what was a stake here and what was already lost. Like you, I hope the girl's journey has been kinder to her in the years since. Love your heart, and hers. 🩷
Thank you, Elizabeth. You get it. I realized that I've been playing it a little safe, sharing publicly about this part of my past, given the insanity that abounds in the U.S. But this is too important. I have to step up and start talking, shouting, writing about the things that matter to me. This issue is the issue (bodily autonomy) that I feel most passionate about. And after that, general human rights, and then anti-semitism and then queer rights. I obviously don't have to put them in order of importance, they're all important. The bottom line for me though is the way women are ILL-treated in this world. STILL and maybe even more because of the crazy regression we're witnessing. Well. That was a mouthful. xo
There are so many reasons we all need to step up, start talking, shouting, and writing about things that matter to us. The continued intentional erosion of women's rights, often supported by OTHER WOMEN, is high on my list, too. All we need to do, by way of reminder, is to look how far women have been forced to fall in Iraq in just the last 30 years. 😡
That's a good point. It's really a nightmare for women we're witnessing and living through. And yes, that piece. The piece about OTHER WOMEN endorsing their own disastrous oppression. I wonder which flavor Kool-aid they've been drinking? It's never made any sense to me.
Thanks, Christina. I just hope she's grown into a young woman. I hope she's okay. I don't care if she remembers me or not, in a way. I just want to know she has a life. xo
Yes. Maybe the foster family saved her. Maybe the abortion saved her. I am sure that what you did for her will have made a real difference to her life. xx
I have a lump lodged in my throat and a stone in my chest. This, my friend, will stay with me a long, long time. Thank you for being there for her—a child who deserved better.
Thanks, lovey. I was so sad that day. Sitting with her in that room. And so angry about what happens to people and how hard life can be, especially for innocents. She was a sweet, quiet, scared kid who possessed enough agency and survival instinct to know what she needed to do. I was so proud of her resolve. She was very shut down emotionally, but sometimes we need to do that just to function. I know it well. xo
I'm sorry you had such a visceral reaction, in a way. I wish other people would experience some transformation around this issue, like being able to recognize the insanity of what's happening and blankly reject it. "Jane's" life would have been destroyed. Think about all the people, the women, the girls, whose lives are ruined, who might die because of this foolish regression. It's completely horrifying and heartbreaking. Thank you for reading it. I'm glad she was strong enough at her age to deal with it and give herself the chance of a better, safer, more sane life. xo
It meant everything that you were there beside her. It’s ok that I had a visceral reaction. It’s appalling. And in bringing the story down to a very specific human level you’ve given people a way to understand. At least those who are capable of understanding.
Yes. It all comes down to that, doesn't it? I want to open the hearts of people who are so absolute about their beliefs. That there are exceptions to every situation, but bottom line, THAT IT'S NO ONE'S BUSINESS WHAT WE DO WITH OUR BODIES BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO US! (Not yelling at you, of course!)
This is why movies and books are so important. They lay out the questions in a way that feels personal. This happened. How do you feel about that? How would you feel if it happened to you or someone you love? Essays do that, too. I wish we could get all of the good ones into everyone's hands...
Right? Me, too. People can learn, change their opinions, expand their compassion. And, sometimes, it just feels like preaching to the choir, which I'm sure is real for the most part. But if one person opens themselves to the possibility that they don't have all the answers, then it's all worth it. xo
Hey Nan, I listened to your gorgeous, engaging, kind voice. Wow, how lucky this tender little girl was to have you hold her hand and usher her through to the other side of a perverted initiation. So kind. I did wonder what year it was. I should know. I am glad people like you exist for so many of us. I love the touch of the teddy bear to her cheek, I felt the warmth. Thank you dear sister.
Hi lovely. It was about 18 years ago, so 2007. I can't believe how much time has gone by. Can you imagine? If she'd carried the pregnancy to full term, that kid would be eligible to vote, and she'd be 30 with a kid that could be a sibling. GAH!
I want to believe that, too. She had a lot of clarity for a kid. She was determined to deal with it for her best possible outcome. Life is fucking hard. Let's hear it for the ones who fight for what's theirs, namely, their lives. It was a good job, that one. But it was hard as fuck, too. xo
I listened to your audio of this story & it moved me greatly. You told it with so much empathy & compassion (and humor, with the condom demonstrations!). My heart broke for young Jane. And that final scene, in the pharmacy, the candy she chose, the teddy bear you bought her. Oh Nan my heart broke in two then. Thank you for the work you did for Planned Parenthood and for sharing this. This is what we’re fighting for.
Thank you, Amy. It is what we're fighting for. We have to take it back though, because "they" never will. I have no idea what that will look like, but this is literally a fight for our lives, and any woman who doesn't think that's true is deluding herself. That day was one of the hardest of my life. I can only speculate on what it must've been like for Jane. She didn't talk much. And she was beautiful, delicate, and wise. xo
Wow, this was such a powerful piece and so important to be told! Thank you, Nan.
Thank you, Kiki, and thank you again for the restack. xo
Such a moving piece! 🙏💫
Thank you, Tzivia. xo
Thank you for this. Necessary read now and always.
Thank you, Shawna. And thanks for the restack, too! xo
Thank you for the work you did then and the work you’re doing now by writing about it.
Thanks, Leslie. xo
Nan, I'm sorry this piece needed to be written, but I'm glad it was you who took it on and did it with just the right balance of sensitivity and fury. Every woman, many who have lived some version of this story, understands what was a stake here and what was already lost. Like you, I hope the girl's journey has been kinder to her in the years since. Love your heart, and hers. 🩷
Thank you, Elizabeth. You get it. I realized that I've been playing it a little safe, sharing publicly about this part of my past, given the insanity that abounds in the U.S. But this is too important. I have to step up and start talking, shouting, writing about the things that matter to me. This issue is the issue (bodily autonomy) that I feel most passionate about. And after that, general human rights, and then anti-semitism and then queer rights. I obviously don't have to put them in order of importance, they're all important. The bottom line for me though is the way women are ILL-treated in this world. STILL and maybe even more because of the crazy regression we're witnessing. Well. That was a mouthful. xo
There are so many reasons we all need to step up, start talking, shouting, and writing about things that matter to us. The continued intentional erosion of women's rights, often supported by OTHER WOMEN, is high on my list, too. All we need to do, by way of reminder, is to look how far women have been forced to fall in Iraq in just the last 30 years. 😡
That's a good point. It's really a nightmare for women we're witnessing and living through. And yes, that piece. The piece about OTHER WOMEN endorsing their own disastrous oppression. I wonder which flavor Kool-aid they've been drinking? It's never made any sense to me.
What an incredible piece, Nan. Thank you for writing it. I'm sure that young woman thinks of what you did for her every day. xx
Thanks, Christina. I just hope she's grown into a young woman. I hope she's okay. I don't care if she remembers me or not, in a way. I just want to know she has a life. xo
Yes. Maybe the foster family saved her. Maybe the abortion saved her. I am sure that what you did for her will have made a real difference to her life. xx
I have a lump lodged in my throat and a stone in my chest. This, my friend, will stay with me a long, long time. Thank you for being there for her—a child who deserved better.
Thanks, lovey. I was so sad that day. Sitting with her in that room. And so angry about what happens to people and how hard life can be, especially for innocents. She was a sweet, quiet, scared kid who possessed enough agency and survival instinct to know what she needed to do. I was so proud of her resolve. She was very shut down emotionally, but sometimes we need to do that just to function. I know it well. xo
Thank you for this very important piece, Nan.
Thank you for reading it and restacking it. Lots of love to you, Lyns! xo
Heart wrenching! 🥲🥲🥲
Indeed. Love to you, Lila. xo
And to you precious woman. That piece was so well written. I felt it all, the beauty and the horror. 🌹🙏🏻
Thank you. When it's from the gut, it works the best, doesn't it? xo
Oh, Nan. I feel like vomiting. I'm so sorry she went through this. I'm so glad you were there. And thank you for telling the story.
I'm sorry you had such a visceral reaction, in a way. I wish other people would experience some transformation around this issue, like being able to recognize the insanity of what's happening and blankly reject it. "Jane's" life would have been destroyed. Think about all the people, the women, the girls, whose lives are ruined, who might die because of this foolish regression. It's completely horrifying and heartbreaking. Thank you for reading it. I'm glad she was strong enough at her age to deal with it and give herself the chance of a better, safer, more sane life. xo
It meant everything that you were there beside her. It’s ok that I had a visceral reaction. It’s appalling. And in bringing the story down to a very specific human level you’ve given people a way to understand. At least those who are capable of understanding.
Yes. It all comes down to that, doesn't it? I want to open the hearts of people who are so absolute about their beliefs. That there are exceptions to every situation, but bottom line, THAT IT'S NO ONE'S BUSINESS WHAT WE DO WITH OUR BODIES BECAUSE THEY BELONG TO US! (Not yelling at you, of course!)
This is why movies and books are so important. They lay out the questions in a way that feels personal. This happened. How do you feel about that? How would you feel if it happened to you or someone you love? Essays do that, too. I wish we could get all of the good ones into everyone's hands...
Right? Me, too. People can learn, change their opinions, expand their compassion. And, sometimes, it just feels like preaching to the choir, which I'm sure is real for the most part. But if one person opens themselves to the possibility that they don't have all the answers, then it's all worth it. xo
It is. Keep talking. I will, too. xo
I loved this so much, Nan. You’re a special person and I’m so glad Jane found you. I am sending you big hugs.
Thank you, Shelley! I'm glad she found me (Planned Parenthood) too! Hugs back to you, sweetie. xo
Hey Nan, I listened to your gorgeous, engaging, kind voice. Wow, how lucky this tender little girl was to have you hold her hand and usher her through to the other side of a perverted initiation. So kind. I did wonder what year it was. I should know. I am glad people like you exist for so many of us. I love the touch of the teddy bear to her cheek, I felt the warmth. Thank you dear sister.
Hi lovely. It was about 18 years ago, so 2007. I can't believe how much time has gone by. Can you imagine? If she'd carried the pregnancy to full term, that kid would be eligible to vote, and she'd be 30 with a kid that could be a sibling. GAH!
Powerful. I didn’t know we shared that history of harm reduction and education. You did a mitzvah. I want to believe she’s okay. ❤️🩹
I want to believe that, too. She had a lot of clarity for a kid. She was determined to deal with it for her best possible outcome. Life is fucking hard. Let's hear it for the ones who fight for what's theirs, namely, their lives. It was a good job, that one. But it was hard as fuck, too. xo
Thank you, Nan. Shared.
Thank you, Stephanie! xo
I know that Jane remembers you, and your kindness, wherever she ended up.
Thanks, Dina. Whether she remembers me or not, all i hope is that she has a good life. We all deserve that, right? xo