Ah, Nan! Your bravery and truth shine like your smile. So many people are struggling right now. Showing the shades of your struggles is a gift— the gift of sighing, aw, you too. Of feeling less alone.
Thank you, Holly. I keep learning, day after day, that I'm not alone. I learn that in Program, and I'm learning it in my new Substack community. We're here to hold each other up. xo
Nan, we are thinking very much along the same lines, as you'll see when my next essay publishes Tuesday. We women are not alone in having disordered eating and weight and food issues come up this time of year especially. Thanks for being brave and for showing all of you, for being vulnerable. When you are brave and vulnerable, we can be that, too. I, too, talk to my inner parts and am finding it less woo-woo all the time:-) I love what you say here: "It’s about embracing all of our parts with love and compassion, and showing up every day, especially when the pull to hide is overwhelming. It’s about surrendering to a faith we’ll only ever know with our heart." Be gentle and kind to yourself. Being harsh with myself is totally unmotivating. But when I thank my body for what it does for me every single day, I am more inclined to treat it lovingly as the beautiful vessel it is, carrying me through this life. And there are days when it doesn't work. I know that so well. But there is thank God, always another day, another moment, another chance to be as loving toward ourselves as we are to others. Congratulations on all your success in your writing. You deserve it. And thank you for the generosity of recommending my Substack. Coming right back at you, sister.
Thank you for your thoughtful words. I have to remember the thing you say about thanking my body. I forget to treat it with love. It's a missing piece for me. I forget, I take it for granted, I get ensnared in magical thinking. I dissociate from what I look like, I have body dysmorphia. All the things. But dreams are being realized, and I need to attend to my powerful, beautiful vessel, so I can keep doing all the things I denied myself for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that. All love to you. More to come. xo
Wow, Nan! Just Wow! "Maybe it’s about waving my white flag and surrendering to joy, to life. Maybe that’s the thing to do. Thrive.
This past year has been the best of my life, and it wasn’t an easy year." Wow! To be able to say this. Chapeau to you. This piece is so inspiring for me. I'm going to save it and read it over and over. So honest. Pulling joy from discomfort and all the other emotions. Funny, "recovery" takes on a whole new depth and meaning. Recovery, not a place that we try to get to but a living place, a thriving place, where life happens. Sing it sistah!
Nan, congratulations on every damn thing you have accomplished! Including that incredible new check mark.
Your honesty blasts through my heart and shines a light into the places inside myself that I don't want to look at, that I'm afraid to reveal, that resurface at certain times of the year, or certain circumstances evoke.
I truly appreciate what you've been feeling, Nan. I’ve often thought we’re all on a recovery journey together, striving to connect with our Higher Power. Your writing beautifully captures the ebb and flow, the nuances, the struggles, and the pain while highlighting the progress and possibilities accompanying us along the way.
I love you, Paulette. Your comments always make me smile and I often tear up as well. Someone from my meeting said to me today, we're all bozos on the bus, trying to figure out this damned thing called life. I thought it summed it up nicely. But I like the way you said it, too! xoN BTW, your book was terrific, it was so you, and it was great to read about your back story! I keep meaning to reach out and let you know. I've been swamped. Hugs to you, my sweet friend. xo
Bravo! Thank you for the honest update. I, too, am in recovery, struggled most of my life. Now I'm 65, sober for ten years, still working full-time, primary caregiver to my 91-year-old father, and writing every second I get. In recovery, I learned so many things. Shame will kill you and take you back to that dark side. I've learned to be patient with myself, tender with my feelings, honor and worship God in my way. I practice Mindfulness Meditation, and it has saved my life more than one. I've read several of Brene Brown's books, listened to many of her presentations and podcasts. She talks about shame, how to turn it around and believe you are enough.
Nan, you are enough. I look forward to reading more of your journey
Thank you, Lynne. Isn't Brené Brown wonderful! I love her work. Thank you for telling me more about yourself. I'm almost 64 and life has been hard in many ways. There's so much that is working in my life and I have program to thank for a lot of that, but also a ongoing commitment to doing the work, trying new things, and being open to possibility. I'm very grateful for what I have and I'm celebrating finally embracing my creative self. It makes all the difference in the world. It really does. I'm so happy you're going to keep reading! When will you start publishing on your own stack?
I posted a couple of stories, just off the cuff, short stories I had submitted to Reedsy for their weekly prompts. Are you familiar with then? It’s a good exercise, prompts come on Friday and you have a week to submit. It jump started me when I needed a boost, bogged down in my novel and spinning my wheels. I’ve written a couple I may publish soon. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for replying - you are one of the few who has replied to a comment I made on their post, and I don’t post anything but great support. I’m here if you need/want to chat.
Congratulations, Nan! 🎉 Well-deserved. Thank you for your vulnerable sharing of where you are right now. I can relate to what you said here on so many levels. Shame sucks. Sending you love and light, dear friend. 🕯️
"One of the issues I’ve identified is my discomfort with success."
That sentence hit hard. So much of that tied up in gender and generational crap and "not tooting your own horn" and imposter syndrome. The only way I know how to get through this things is to write through it, just like you're doing. Keep going. And be kind to teenage Nan...golly being a teenage girl was HARD.
Yes, to everything you said. The other day when I reached 100 paid subscribers and went on Notes to celebrate it, I had a moment when I said to myself "is this too braggy, I don't want people to think I'm boasting." And I realized, I have no idea what people will think, and I'm not responsible for other people's reactions. AND it's time for me to strut my stuff, and not apologize for it! I hated being a teenager. Life was so fucked up then. I love teenage Nan. LOVE her! xo
I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, Nan, but sharing about it—either in a meeting, or here—is exactly the right thing to do. You said that you’re probably praying wrong. I’m not a theologian, so take this for what it’s worth, but I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. Recovery isn’t a straight line, but it is a motherfucker. Or it can be, anyway. Try not to beat yourself up. You’re going to be fine—way more than fine, actually. I’m sure of it.
"It’s not an intellectual exercise. It’s an exercise in trust and faith. It’s an exercise of the heart."
Thank you for continuing to show up in all your honesty. Congratulations on your success in this year and your recent bestseller milestone on your publication. I hope you continue to accept your success and don't let any part of you try to steal the joy or hold you back.
Thank you, Amy. It's been a wonderful year. I'm moving closer to accepting all this bounty. Funny, the things I'd reject, because I've come from that "I'm not good enough to______ (fill in the blank). You have been a supportive presence from the start. xo
Wow. It’s not just that you are open and honest, but you have crystal clear insight into your own inner being(s). Your essay is truly inspiring and makes me want to delve more deeply in my own writing. Thank you!
Wow, back, Jeff! Thank you for taking the time to comment, and of course, to read. A wonderful memoirist, Abigail Thomas (who is on Substack, btw) says that when we write about our lives we are writing to gain clarity. I absolutely agree. Every time I write an essay I learn at least one new thing about myself, and the life I've lived. It's really rewarding. xo
Nan! Congratulations, not only on the check mark but on all you’ve accomplished this year! It’s been great to know you as a friend, advisor, champion, and extraordinary human (being + doing). Letting all of the Nans speak, leading with your big heart and radical honesty, willing to be vulnerable. I’m working on that in myself. A huge breakthrough for me. I don’t think I would have been able to write that last post had I not told you that story within a story. Be good to yourself, enjoy life, and above all, keep writing. Love you lots. xoxo
Thank you so much, Mary! What a wonderful place we've all found. To share our stories and cheer each other on, to ask for an ear or a word we're grasping for. I'm so very happy to know you. All my love to you. Your part two was amazing. I loved ever word of both of the pieces. Isn't it great to know that we keep on evolving? xo
Thank you for your sharing and your vulnerability. Shame is just about the worst. It follows me everywhere, always ready to jump in whenever it finds a crack in my psyche.
Hi lovely Wendy! It's really true, these issues are layered. The one thing I know for sure is that I persevere, always. No giving up allowed. Life is just too sweet. Hugs, my dear. xo
I’m reminded of how eating disorders and being at a low ebb coincided in my late teens/early twenties. I found it all there when I was scanning back through my diaries last week. There was no single “eureka” moment. I mean, if we could bottle what finally turns things around, we surely would, and pass it on! But perseverence, yes – and communication. Hugs to you, too.
Thanks, Wendy. Yeah, this one is hanging on...It's hard to find the balance. I think it's more about self-acceptance than anything else and finding peace within. xo
Big hugs to you, Nan. Making peace with your eating isn’t an easy journey. I’ve had enough experience with recovery to know that it ebbs and flows. We make progress and then regress.. but often regression isn’t as far back as we think it is, because we’re still here, showing up and paying attention.
Ah, Nan! Your bravery and truth shine like your smile. So many people are struggling right now. Showing the shades of your struggles is a gift— the gift of sighing, aw, you too. Of feeling less alone.
Thank you, Holly. I keep learning, day after day, that I'm not alone. I learn that in Program, and I'm learning it in my new Substack community. We're here to hold each other up. xo
Yes we are!!!
Nan, we are thinking very much along the same lines, as you'll see when my next essay publishes Tuesday. We women are not alone in having disordered eating and weight and food issues come up this time of year especially. Thanks for being brave and for showing all of you, for being vulnerable. When you are brave and vulnerable, we can be that, too. I, too, talk to my inner parts and am finding it less woo-woo all the time:-) I love what you say here: "It’s about embracing all of our parts with love and compassion, and showing up every day, especially when the pull to hide is overwhelming. It’s about surrendering to a faith we’ll only ever know with our heart." Be gentle and kind to yourself. Being harsh with myself is totally unmotivating. But when I thank my body for what it does for me every single day, I am more inclined to treat it lovingly as the beautiful vessel it is, carrying me through this life. And there are days when it doesn't work. I know that so well. But there is thank God, always another day, another moment, another chance to be as loving toward ourselves as we are to others. Congratulations on all your success in your writing. You deserve it. And thank you for the generosity of recommending my Substack. Coming right back at you, sister.
Thank you for your thoughtful words. I have to remember the thing you say about thanking my body. I forget to treat it with love. It's a missing piece for me. I forget, I take it for granted, I get ensnared in magical thinking. I dissociate from what I look like, I have body dysmorphia. All the things. But dreams are being realized, and I need to attend to my powerful, beautiful vessel, so I can keep doing all the things I denied myself for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that. All love to you. More to come. xo
I think we can all fall prey to the body shaming or disassociation, Nan. Keep coming back to the love!
YUP!
Thank you for sharing. I feel so much of this. Did you sneak into my brain??
Thank you for commenting! And in response to your question: anything's possible! xo
Wow, Nan! Just Wow! "Maybe it’s about waving my white flag and surrendering to joy, to life. Maybe that’s the thing to do. Thrive.
This past year has been the best of my life, and it wasn’t an easy year." Wow! To be able to say this. Chapeau to you. This piece is so inspiring for me. I'm going to save it and read it over and over. So honest. Pulling joy from discomfort and all the other emotions. Funny, "recovery" takes on a whole new depth and meaning. Recovery, not a place that we try to get to but a living place, a thriving place, where life happens. Sing it sistah!
Love your comment so much! You get it. It's time for us to thrive. Each of us. That's recovery for me. xo
Nan, congratulations on every damn thing you have accomplished! Including that incredible new check mark.
Your honesty blasts through my heart and shines a light into the places inside myself that I don't want to look at, that I'm afraid to reveal, that resurface at certain times of the year, or certain circumstances evoke.
I truly appreciate what you've been feeling, Nan. I’ve often thought we’re all on a recovery journey together, striving to connect with our Higher Power. Your writing beautifully captures the ebb and flow, the nuances, the struggles, and the pain while highlighting the progress and possibilities accompanying us along the way.
I love you, Paulette. Your comments always make me smile and I often tear up as well. Someone from my meeting said to me today, we're all bozos on the bus, trying to figure out this damned thing called life. I thought it summed it up nicely. But I like the way you said it, too! xoN BTW, your book was terrific, it was so you, and it was great to read about your back story! I keep meaning to reach out and let you know. I've been swamped. Hugs to you, my sweet friend. xo
Thank you, sweet friend.
Maybe you can post a quick note about The BreakAway Girl. That would be way cool and lovely!
Bravo! Thank you for the honest update. I, too, am in recovery, struggled most of my life. Now I'm 65, sober for ten years, still working full-time, primary caregiver to my 91-year-old father, and writing every second I get. In recovery, I learned so many things. Shame will kill you and take you back to that dark side. I've learned to be patient with myself, tender with my feelings, honor and worship God in my way. I practice Mindfulness Meditation, and it has saved my life more than one. I've read several of Brene Brown's books, listened to many of her presentations and podcasts. She talks about shame, how to turn it around and believe you are enough.
Nan, you are enough. I look forward to reading more of your journey
Thank you, Lynne. Isn't Brené Brown wonderful! I love her work. Thank you for telling me more about yourself. I'm almost 64 and life has been hard in many ways. There's so much that is working in my life and I have program to thank for a lot of that, but also a ongoing commitment to doing the work, trying new things, and being open to possibility. I'm very grateful for what I have and I'm celebrating finally embracing my creative self. It makes all the difference in the world. It really does. I'm so happy you're going to keep reading! When will you start publishing on your own stack?
I posted a couple of stories, just off the cuff, short stories I had submitted to Reedsy for their weekly prompts. Are you familiar with then? It’s a good exercise, prompts come on Friday and you have a week to submit. It jump started me when I needed a boost, bogged down in my novel and spinning my wheels. I’ve written a couple I may publish soon. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for replying - you are one of the few who has replied to a comment I made on their post, and I don’t post anything but great support. I’m here if you need/want to chat.
Congratulations, Nan! 🎉 Well-deserved. Thank you for your vulnerable sharing of where you are right now. I can relate to what you said here on so many levels. Shame sucks. Sending you love and light, dear friend. 🕯️
Thank you, Katrina. Shame sure does suck. No more shame!
"One of the issues I’ve identified is my discomfort with success."
That sentence hit hard. So much of that tied up in gender and generational crap and "not tooting your own horn" and imposter syndrome. The only way I know how to get through this things is to write through it, just like you're doing. Keep going. And be kind to teenage Nan...golly being a teenage girl was HARD.
Yes, to everything you said. The other day when I reached 100 paid subscribers and went on Notes to celebrate it, I had a moment when I said to myself "is this too braggy, I don't want people to think I'm boasting." And I realized, I have no idea what people will think, and I'm not responsible for other people's reactions. AND it's time for me to strut my stuff, and not apologize for it! I hated being a teenager. Life was so fucked up then. I love teenage Nan. LOVE her! xo
I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, Nan, but sharing about it—either in a meeting, or here—is exactly the right thing to do. You said that you’re probably praying wrong. I’m not a theologian, so take this for what it’s worth, but I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. Recovery isn’t a straight line, but it is a motherfucker. Or it can be, anyway. Try not to beat yourself up. You’re going to be fine—way more than fine, actually. I’m sure of it.
It IS a motherfucker! It's true. And brilliant at the same time. Love to you, Chris. xoxo
"It’s not an intellectual exercise. It’s an exercise in trust and faith. It’s an exercise of the heart."
Thank you for continuing to show up in all your honesty. Congratulations on your success in this year and your recent bestseller milestone on your publication. I hope you continue to accept your success and don't let any part of you try to steal the joy or hold you back.
Thank you, Amy. It's been a wonderful year. I'm moving closer to accepting all this bounty. Funny, the things I'd reject, because I've come from that "I'm not good enough to______ (fill in the blank). You have been a supportive presence from the start. xo
Wow. It’s not just that you are open and honest, but you have crystal clear insight into your own inner being(s). Your essay is truly inspiring and makes me want to delve more deeply in my own writing. Thank you!
Wow, back, Jeff! Thank you for taking the time to comment, and of course, to read. A wonderful memoirist, Abigail Thomas (who is on Substack, btw) says that when we write about our lives we are writing to gain clarity. I absolutely agree. Every time I write an essay I learn at least one new thing about myself, and the life I've lived. It's really rewarding. xo
Nan! Congratulations, not only on the check mark but on all you’ve accomplished this year! It’s been great to know you as a friend, advisor, champion, and extraordinary human (being + doing). Letting all of the Nans speak, leading with your big heart and radical honesty, willing to be vulnerable. I’m working on that in myself. A huge breakthrough for me. I don’t think I would have been able to write that last post had I not told you that story within a story. Be good to yourself, enjoy life, and above all, keep writing. Love you lots. xoxo
Thank you so much, Mary! What a wonderful place we've all found. To share our stories and cheer each other on, to ask for an ear or a word we're grasping for. I'm so very happy to know you. All my love to you. Your part two was amazing. I loved ever word of both of the pieces. Isn't it great to know that we keep on evolving? xo
Thank you for your sharing and your vulnerability. Shame is just about the worst. It follows me everywhere, always ready to jump in whenever it finds a crack in my psyche.
Yup. I think it may be high time (or past time) to give that one up, don't you? xo
Really appreciate your honesty, Nan. It's a tangle and there's no single thread you can pull on that suddenly solves the puzzle.
Absolutely, you deserve to be recognised for your writing and your design talents – and simply for being your wonderful self.
Hi lovely Wendy! It's really true, these issues are layered. The one thing I know for sure is that I persevere, always. No giving up allowed. Life is just too sweet. Hugs, my dear. xo
I’m reminded of how eating disorders and being at a low ebb coincided in my late teens/early twenties. I found it all there when I was scanning back through my diaries last week. There was no single “eureka” moment. I mean, if we could bottle what finally turns things around, we surely would, and pass it on! But perseverence, yes – and communication. Hugs to you, too.
Thanks, Wendy. Yeah, this one is hanging on...It's hard to find the balance. I think it's more about self-acceptance than anything else and finding peace within. xo
Oh Nan! You lead with courage and your beautiful stories! Love you 🙏💜
Thank you, Rhaine, I love you, too, a lot. Substackland is the place to meet the most wonderful people. So lucky to be here and know you. xo
Big hugs to you, Nan. Making peace with your eating isn’t an easy journey. I’ve had enough experience with recovery to know that it ebbs and flows. We make progress and then regress.. but often regression isn’t as far back as we think it is, because we’re still here, showing up and paying attention.
Exactly! Hugs back to you, Kristi. xo