Fellow Harriet the Spy fan with Raggedy Ann as the tolerable doll. 🙋🏻♀️ I had no idea we had so much in common. This is beautifully, truthfully written. Hello, Grace.
Thank you, Tara! I also had a calico cat that was stuffed with cedar shavings that I liked. But I was definitely not big into toys. I'm glad you like the piece!
Throughout my life, my relationship with faith has been up and down, mostly down of late. But finding Grace and allowing her to enter my life, this just might work...
Also, my sister and I received one of those gigantic dolls way back when. Hadn't thought about that in ages. Gave me a smile.
But did you and your sister LIKE the doll? I'm glad you liked the story. And good. My Grace is a kind and sheltering energy. I'm happy with that understanding for now. It will be interesting to see how it develops as I let this in more. xo
Beautiful essay Nan; I love the story you spun here & the places it led you and us as readers. I was delighted and amused with little you and then moved at the entrance of Grace into your life. What an excellent best friend to have. She will never let you down.
Thanks, Amy. Still learning how to be with Grace. It's new, and it's odd, and it's something I'm growing into. Trust is the thing. Love to you, hope all's well in your new home! xo
Beautiful essay Nan; I love the story you spun here & the places it led you and us as readers. I was delighted and amused with little you and then moved at the entrance of Grace into your life. What an excellent best friend to have. She will never let you down.
Thank you, Amy. It's always so amazing to me when I write about my childhood, the people who were there and how they influenced me. The memories that come up are a place I bask in for the time it takes me to write the essay. And, oh, Aunt Lily. She was great. xo
It sounds to me like Grace is what in my line of coaching practice is referred to as your inner leader, your captain, your wise self. And she is beautiful, the way you are. Thank you for this lovely post, Nan.
I love the ongoing dialogue between you and Grace, Nan - so much better than a plastic doll. (I always hated them, as well.) Thank you for the wonderful post!
Glad you got there, I had a similar struggle, never having had a concept of God except in the abstract. I was raised by Jewish agnostics/atheists. Sober, I was still hella angry—I used to say I felt like a fist with feet. When I was determined to find what other people were embracing, I went anywhere and everywhere anyone was finding God. or Joy. Or Grace. Baptist services. Pentacostal revivals. Sweat lodges. I went.
Eventually, I heard someone share that her image of her higher power was a tag team wrestler, that when shit got too hard, she could tag HP and they would take over for a while, she could sit on the sidelines and catch her breath. That appealed to me, I was tired of always weilding the sword but not feeling safe enough to lay it down, yet. Today, there are small luchadores - Mexican wrestlers, all over my house. In my medicine cabinet. With the dishes. Everywhere. My dashboard Jesus is a Luchadore...when things are too tough, I let Rey Mysterio take over for a little bit.
I love this. That sounds perfect for you, Jodi. My people were atheistic/agnostics, too. Whole new terrain for me. But there are things that move me, like listening to Jane Siberry sing "Calling All Angels" and hearing someone sing "Amazing Grace" or listening to a sad niggun or klezmer song. They evoke feelings in me that are definitely connected to something profound and deeper than what my thinking brain knows. That's higher power for me. xo
Reality-based Nan and the doll stuff made me laugh (I wasn’t into them either). How great of your aunt to have immediately accepted your reaction. She sounds special. The HP business is a TOUGH one. I love that you have sorted it out for yourself.
Aunt Lily is the source of some wonderful memories and stories. She is the person who gave me Harriet the Spy when I was in first grade (and too young to really get it). That was a life-changer for me. She wasn't the easiest person from some of the older stories I've heard about her, (pre-me) but she's a heroic figure for me. More to come. And HP is a very TOUGH one for me, as well. But I'm willing to entertain possibilities and say yes to things that are not as concrete as I used to require. Whole new way of thinking about healing. xo.
How inspiring to hear how you are still opening yourself to new ways of understanding yourself and the world, Nan. "Grace asks me to trust myself." Yes!
My earliest association with the word “grace” was the prayer that we recited at the table before dinner. You could not eat before saying grace. It was a nice little ritual. The concept of grace (God’s forgiveness as something granted, not earned) was a cornerstone of the faith in which I was raised. Amazing Grace. It’s a lovely name to bestow on your guiding spirit. Thanks for this tender tribute to the young Nan. xoxo
This was a lovely reversal of what I would consider the usual trajectory...usually as a kid, you are full of fantasy and make believe and the older you get, the less you allow yourself to imagine. I love that you were so uptight about reality as a little Nan (we would have gotten along famously, I had no desire to make stuff up) but now you are embracing a guide you have made of your own choosing. Older Wiser Nan is a cool cat ₍^. .^₎⟆
I love this! And since we didn't know each other as kids, we get to make up for it now.
Was little Nan uptight? I guess she was, in a way. Or maybe just extremely discerning. Or both! I love the cool cat emoji. How do you make the tail with your key pad??? I've never seen that one before (see, once a nerd, always a nerd). xo
I love that cat. I need to know how to make that tail. Nerd alert activated. Another thing to google. xo And yes, resolute or discerning. I'M NOT UPTIGHT!
Fellow Harriet the Spy fan with Raggedy Ann as the tolerable doll. 🙋🏻♀️ I had no idea we had so much in common. This is beautifully, truthfully written. Hello, Grace.
Thank you, Tara! I also had a calico cat that was stuffed with cedar shavings that I liked. But I was definitely not big into toys. I'm glad you like the piece!
Love Grace, Nan. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Emily! xo
Hi Nan,
Throughout my life, my relationship with faith has been up and down, mostly down of late. But finding Grace and allowing her to enter my life, this just might work...
Also, my sister and I received one of those gigantic dolls way back when. Hadn't thought about that in ages. Gave me a smile.
Thanks for the lovely story.
But did you and your sister LIKE the doll? I'm glad you liked the story. And good. My Grace is a kind and sheltering energy. I'm happy with that understanding for now. It will be interesting to see how it develops as I let this in more. xo
Beautiful essay Nan; I love the story you spun here & the places it led you and us as readers. I was delighted and amused with little you and then moved at the entrance of Grace into your life. What an excellent best friend to have. She will never let you down.
Thanks, Amy. Still learning how to be with Grace. It's new, and it's odd, and it's something I'm growing into. Trust is the thing. Love to you, hope all's well in your new home! xo
Beautiful essay Nan; I love the story you spun here & the places it led you and us as readers. I was delighted and amused with little you and then moved at the entrance of Grace into your life. What an excellent best friend to have. She will never let you down.
Thank you, Amy. It's always so amazing to me when I write about my childhood, the people who were there and how they influenced me. The memories that come up are a place I bask in for the time it takes me to write the essay. And, oh, Aunt Lily. She was great. xo
It sounds to me like Grace is what in my line of coaching practice is referred to as your inner leader, your captain, your wise self. And she is beautiful, the way you are. Thank you for this lovely post, Nan.
Thank you, Liza! I love the inner leader and wise self. You're such a dear, dear woman. xo
I miss you, too! Let's talk soon. Really!
I'm in! Zoom, please?
Whoops! Never saw this. Zoom yes! Tuesday or Thursday afternoon?
Text me when you get a chance?
I love the ongoing dialogue between you and Grace, Nan - so much better than a plastic doll. (I always hated them, as well.) Thank you for the wonderful post!
I love that we have that in common! And it's always my pleasure to share my stories. See you soon!
Glad you got there, I had a similar struggle, never having had a concept of God except in the abstract. I was raised by Jewish agnostics/atheists. Sober, I was still hella angry—I used to say I felt like a fist with feet. When I was determined to find what other people were embracing, I went anywhere and everywhere anyone was finding God. or Joy. Or Grace. Baptist services. Pentacostal revivals. Sweat lodges. I went.
Eventually, I heard someone share that her image of her higher power was a tag team wrestler, that when shit got too hard, she could tag HP and they would take over for a while, she could sit on the sidelines and catch her breath. That appealed to me, I was tired of always weilding the sword but not feeling safe enough to lay it down, yet. Today, there are small luchadores - Mexican wrestlers, all over my house. In my medicine cabinet. With the dishes. Everywhere. My dashboard Jesus is a Luchadore...when things are too tough, I let Rey Mysterio take over for a little bit.
I love this. That sounds perfect for you, Jodi. My people were atheistic/agnostics, too. Whole new terrain for me. But there are things that move me, like listening to Jane Siberry sing "Calling All Angels" and hearing someone sing "Amazing Grace" or listening to a sad niggun or klezmer song. They evoke feelings in me that are definitely connected to something profound and deeper than what my thinking brain knows. That's higher power for me. xo
Reality-based Nan and the doll stuff made me laugh (I wasn’t into them either). How great of your aunt to have immediately accepted your reaction. She sounds special. The HP business is a TOUGH one. I love that you have sorted it out for yourself.
Aunt Lily is the source of some wonderful memories and stories. She is the person who gave me Harriet the Spy when I was in first grade (and too young to really get it). That was a life-changer for me. She wasn't the easiest person from some of the older stories I've heard about her, (pre-me) but she's a heroic figure for me. More to come. And HP is a very TOUGH one for me, as well. But I'm willing to entertain possibilities and say yes to things that are not as concrete as I used to require. Whole new way of thinking about healing. xo.
How inspiring to hear how you are still opening yourself to new ways of understanding yourself and the world, Nan. "Grace asks me to trust myself." Yes!
Thank you, Elizabeth. Learning is wonderful. There'd be very little point to a life that isn't fueled by curiosity and willingness. xo
My earliest association with the word “grace” was the prayer that we recited at the table before dinner. You could not eat before saying grace. It was a nice little ritual. The concept of grace (God’s forgiveness as something granted, not earned) was a cornerstone of the faith in which I was raised. Amazing Grace. It’s a lovely name to bestow on your guiding spirit. Thanks for this tender tribute to the young Nan. xoxo
Thank you, Mary. Amazing Grace is a favorite of mine, it feels like a place to find rest and succor. Thanks for sharing that with me. xoxo
Your memory, stories and writing are profound for me! I’m in awe of it all. Thank you for sharing, I’m learning and growing because of your wisdom‼️💗
Wow, thank you, Heather. I'm loving this process so much. It's filling me up. xo
This was a lovely reversal of what I would consider the usual trajectory...usually as a kid, you are full of fantasy and make believe and the older you get, the less you allow yourself to imagine. I love that you were so uptight about reality as a little Nan (we would have gotten along famously, I had no desire to make stuff up) but now you are embracing a guide you have made of your own choosing. Older Wiser Nan is a cool cat ₍^. .^₎⟆
I love this! And since we didn't know each other as kids, we get to make up for it now.
Was little Nan uptight? I guess she was, in a way. Or maybe just extremely discerning. Or both! I love the cool cat emoji. How do you make the tail with your key pad??? I've never seen that one before (see, once a nerd, always a nerd). xo
"Uptight" not the right word. Perhaps "resolute" is more what I meant. Discerning is also good.
I copy and pasted the cat. A bigger nerd that both of us made the tail :)
I love that cat. I need to know how to make that tail. Nerd alert activated. Another thing to google. xo And yes, resolute or discerning. I'M NOT UPTIGHT!
Hah!
I loved this one so much, Nan!♥️
Ellen! Thank you. Miss you, my friend. xo
Love this. Love Grace.
Thanks, Nancy. Love you. xo