Thank you, Prajna! Me too, in and out, until this last go round. I'm definitely in! My life has transformed in ways I never dared to dream. I feel like a whole new Nan, even though I think what has actually happened if I've become the Nan I've always had the potential to be. I am me, for real. No more apologies, no more "I can't," no more "I'm not good enough." I can't imagine a different way to be, other than being ME. What a joyful thing.
I'm reminded of years ago my experience interning for a yoga certification at a court appointed rehab center. The first day I walked in to teach I was surrounded by mostly big burly men, shaved heads, tatted up, who were required to be in my class. They scared the hell out of me. I know they felt my fear. It didn't take too long, as we breathed together, that we simply became humans all trying to navigate this challenging journey called life. I actually stayed on for some time after my internship was completed. It was a lesson in looking at my fear of other and my quick reaction to judge.
OH! What a wonderful experience that must have been for you and your tough guy students. Yoga is a wonderful tool for reaching a place of peace and healing. I'm sure the physicality of a practice was really beneficial for them. I'm sure they felt your fear. They were fearful too, and had lots of ways of trying to cover it. Everything, I've come to understand is grounded in fear or love. Fear just morphs into all kinds of other behaviors, but at bottom, I think it's always fear. Thank you for offering that story. It's really special.
It was a powerful experience and I'm very grateful for what it taught me. I also agree, a friend of mine always use to say, there is only really two emotions, fear and love. Thanks for reading, Nan.
I love this, Nan. Your openness. Though I have to say, I think it's easier to breathe the acceptance you write about and which is so admirable, if we don't have the information that makes us react. Like the rooms. The gift of anonymity. xo
Yes, and there are principles that can be used to make all of us better humans. I don't think you need anonymity for that. We just need to take responsibility for our reactions to things and do more deep dives into what our intense reactions to things trigger in us, when something or someone pushes our buttons. My hamster brain is always judging. Old habits die hard, especially when I once found them useful as a survival tool. I don't be that fearful ever again. xoxo
Loved it! I especially adore the image that we're all walking each other home. Sometimes I carry your books for you. Sometimes you carry mine. We've got lots to share on that holy journey.
Thanks, Marguerite! We sure do, don't we? It's very special adventure I'm having. Realizing that recovery is everywhere, not just in the rooms, once you start getting the knack of it! Lots of love! xoxo
Thank you for being vulnerable. In some ways, we are on similar journeys. And it starts by being conscious of our own tendencies and biases. Nicely done!
“It was an opportunity for me to see other people’s hearts without the armor and biases I carried about those who were different from me. I had a very specific list of beliefs as to who “my people” were.”
Nan! Thank you again for sharing your story, wisdom, experience. This one brought tears! My fear is I’ll be misunderstood and judged when I am vulnerable in meetings. Learning to let go and be free to be me! I’m feeling hopeful again in the world but I must say it’s all so fragile and having our 12 step anchor and HP is enough. One day at a time staying in my body and reparenting my inner dear ones! So grateful for you and our fellows. A soft place to be mostly-imperfectly.🥰
It's always my pleasure to get your feedback, Pamela. I'm glad you're enjoying my essays. I understand about the fear of being judged. My experience has been that the more authentic I am, in meetings, and in my writing, the more I'm heard. And if my stories, and my truths don't resonate for people, that's perfectly okay. Remember the quote at the end of this story. “I’m neither beneath or above anyone. I am independent of other people’s positive or negative opinion. I’m fearless in the face of all challenges.” That helps me every day. I'm so lucky to be doing this work. And you know what? I recognize that the world is fragile, and it's important for me to recall that the world has always been fragile. It's life.
Great piece, Nan! What a world it would be if we all see each other's inherent value first and foremost. If we could only do that (very hard but very beautiful) work of letting go judgment and fear!!
Oof, I feel unbearably seen in this piece. Seven years ago, I left evangelical Christianity in a hot rage and did a complete 180 in my belief system. But soon I realized I’d simply swapped one form of judginess for another. Thank you for the reminder that there’s still work to do. There will always be work to do.
There you go. You said it. There will always be work to do. Knowing that there's no "arriving," is very comforting to me. I used to live in a space of "when this happens, when that happens, then I'll be okay." Not true at all for me anymore. I also love the humility that comes with knowing I'll never be finished learning. That's a big thing!
I love we're on the same thread, Paulla.!Got me into this great conversation. Swapping one form of pudginess for another--I can for sure relate. And also the whole I'll be OK when thing, Nan. Working on both still. So grateful for discussions like this.
Yes, I guess I'm longing for people to be open to trying something new or scary that many of us know is effective. I'm an idealist at heart. A true hoper. And you're correct. The beauty of not knowing if we make a difference is powerful, too!
Wow.🥰 I love reading The Next Write Thing. This newsletter, Nan, and the support in the comments are empowering, supportive, and loving. I feel inspired to Write poems and authenticity in my writing. Thank you ❤️
My pleasure, AV! I'm growing so much, just from consistently writing. It's another pathway to healing that I'm taking seriously for the first time in my life. I just need to keep remembering to take my time, and let life happen. I don't need to force things anymore. The answers come, especially when I'm patient. xoxo
Nan, what a great story. So compelling. Your warmth and generosity are a gift to us all. You brought a big smile to my face today. “We’re all just walking each other home”: words to live by. 🙏🫶
This is so beautiful. ❤️
Thank you so much, Katrina! I'm glad you liked it. xo
Thanks for your story, Nan - I feel like I've just come out of a mini-meeting :) 🩷
xoxo
Beautiful writing Nan.
I relate to this very much. I’ve been in and out of 12 staff meetings for over three decades. I love the program.
The last time I engaged for 365 meetings and 365 days. In person every day, my substance was Men in power/the male voice/inferiority as a woman/…
You have inspired me to re-explore. I wrote about this a bit in my memoir, but it wasn’t the bulk of the story.
I know there’s always more healing to do.
A very conversational peace keep up the good work! Your Sponsee is lucky to have you and obviously you to have her.
💚💙🩵
Thank you, Prajna! Me too, in and out, until this last go round. I'm definitely in! My life has transformed in ways I never dared to dream. I feel like a whole new Nan, even though I think what has actually happened if I've become the Nan I've always had the potential to be. I am me, for real. No more apologies, no more "I can't," no more "I'm not good enough." I can't imagine a different way to be, other than being ME. What a joyful thing.
I love your writing so much!! I always feel like we're having a conversation ❤️❤️ Thank you sharing your heart and mind!
Oh, that's so lovely, Mesa. I'm so happy to hear that. When I write, I do feel that I'm really speaking to my reader. I love reading you, too!
Thank you for writing this, Nan. The world has lots to learn from the recovery community about now.
Yeah. It's really, really true. I'm so grateful to be living this way, after so many years of hiding my light. Lots of love, my friend.
Nan, there is so much gold in this piece!
I'm reminded of years ago my experience interning for a yoga certification at a court appointed rehab center. The first day I walked in to teach I was surrounded by mostly big burly men, shaved heads, tatted up, who were required to be in my class. They scared the hell out of me. I know they felt my fear. It didn't take too long, as we breathed together, that we simply became humans all trying to navigate this challenging journey called life. I actually stayed on for some time after my internship was completed. It was a lesson in looking at my fear of other and my quick reaction to judge.
OH! What a wonderful experience that must have been for you and your tough guy students. Yoga is a wonderful tool for reaching a place of peace and healing. I'm sure the physicality of a practice was really beneficial for them. I'm sure they felt your fear. They were fearful too, and had lots of ways of trying to cover it. Everything, I've come to understand is grounded in fear or love. Fear just morphs into all kinds of other behaviors, but at bottom, I think it's always fear. Thank you for offering that story. It's really special.
It was a powerful experience and I'm very grateful for what it taught me. I also agree, a friend of mine always use to say, there is only really two emotions, fear and love. Thanks for reading, Nan.
Wow. I only recently learned that perspective from my current therapist. It clarified so much for me and helped me view situations through a new lens.
I love this, Nan. Your openness. Though I have to say, I think it's easier to breathe the acceptance you write about and which is so admirable, if we don't have the information that makes us react. Like the rooms. The gift of anonymity. xo
Yes, and there are principles that can be used to make all of us better humans. I don't think you need anonymity for that. We just need to take responsibility for our reactions to things and do more deep dives into what our intense reactions to things trigger in us, when something or someone pushes our buttons. My hamster brain is always judging. Old habits die hard, especially when I once found them useful as a survival tool. I don't be that fearful ever again. xoxo
Loved it! I especially adore the image that we're all walking each other home. Sometimes I carry your books for you. Sometimes you carry mine. We've got lots to share on that holy journey.
Thanks, Marguerite! We sure do, don't we? It's very special adventure I'm having. Realizing that recovery is everywhere, not just in the rooms, once you start getting the knack of it! Lots of love! xoxo
Thank you for being vulnerable. In some ways, we are on similar journeys. And it starts by being conscious of our own tendencies and biases. Nicely done!
Thank you, Brenda! Self-awareness. What a great teacher.
Beautiful story, Nan.
Thanks, Neera!
“It was an opportunity for me to see other people’s hearts without the armor and biases I carried about those who were different from me. I had a very specific list of beliefs as to who “my people” were.”
Yup. A very wise woman said that once...(oh, me!!!). Thanks for reading, Neera.
Nan! Thank you again for sharing your story, wisdom, experience. This one brought tears! My fear is I’ll be misunderstood and judged when I am vulnerable in meetings. Learning to let go and be free to be me! I’m feeling hopeful again in the world but I must say it’s all so fragile and having our 12 step anchor and HP is enough. One day at a time staying in my body and reparenting my inner dear ones! So grateful for you and our fellows. A soft place to be mostly-imperfectly.🥰
It's always my pleasure to get your feedback, Pamela. I'm glad you're enjoying my essays. I understand about the fear of being judged. My experience has been that the more authentic I am, in meetings, and in my writing, the more I'm heard. And if my stories, and my truths don't resonate for people, that's perfectly okay. Remember the quote at the end of this story. “I’m neither beneath or above anyone. I am independent of other people’s positive or negative opinion. I’m fearless in the face of all challenges.” That helps me every day. I'm so lucky to be doing this work. And you know what? I recognize that the world is fragile, and it's important for me to recall that the world has always been fragile. It's life.
Great piece, Nan! What a world it would be if we all see each other's inherent value first and foremost. If we could only do that (very hard but very beautiful) work of letting go judgment and fear!!
It would heal our world, don't you think? Instead, I concern myself with my own healing, and sharing that. Maybe it'll have a ripple effect!
Aw, but it’s the only healing we can truly do—self-healing, and it for sure has a ripple effect. At least that’s my take. :)
Oof, I feel unbearably seen in this piece. Seven years ago, I left evangelical Christianity in a hot rage and did a complete 180 in my belief system. But soon I realized I’d simply swapped one form of judginess for another. Thank you for the reminder that there’s still work to do. There will always be work to do.
There you go. You said it. There will always be work to do. Knowing that there's no "arriving," is very comforting to me. I used to live in a space of "when this happens, when that happens, then I'll be okay." Not true at all for me anymore. I also love the humility that comes with knowing I'll never be finished learning. That's a big thing!
Well said. Also, sorry I posted this in the wrong spot. Didn’t mean to hijack Holly’s thread!
No worries! I'm happy you commented, and I bet Holly doesn't mind. But just don't do it again!!!! 😜😜😛
I love we're on the same thread, Paulla.!Got me into this great conversation. Swapping one form of pudginess for another--I can for sure relate. And also the whole I'll be OK when thing, Nan. Working on both still. So grateful for discussions like this.
Yes, I guess I'm longing for people to be open to trying something new or scary that many of us know is effective. I'm an idealist at heart. A true hoper. And you're correct. The beauty of not knowing if we make a difference is powerful, too!
Wow.🥰 I love reading The Next Write Thing. This newsletter, Nan, and the support in the comments are empowering, supportive, and loving. I feel inspired to Write poems and authenticity in my writing. Thank you ❤️
My pleasure, AV! I'm growing so much, just from consistently writing. It's another pathway to healing that I'm taking seriously for the first time in my life. I just need to keep remembering to take my time, and let life happen. I don't need to force things anymore. The answers come, especially when I'm patient. xoxo
Beautiful needed to hear this
Nan, what a great story. So compelling. Your warmth and generosity are a gift to us all. You brought a big smile to my face today. “We’re all just walking each other home”: words to live by. 🙏🫶
Mary, thank you! I'm so happy that we've connected, thanks to Sarah Fay and the WAW Cohort! Have a wonderful day, new friend! xoxo
You too, Nan! It’s a joy to know you.💕
WOW, Aside from your clarity when writing, I was with you all the way. Your struggles became mine.
Thank you for reading! xo