Really interesting essay, Nan. I think a lot of people, myself included, can relate to the explorative, trial-and-error process of trying to make our brains get in line and bring ourselves some peace. So urine good company.
Yikes, Nan, about drinking wee! I have heard of this, and I think I even knew someone who did it, but...gross, and yes, so toxic. But I get the desperation to find something to make you feel better because I've been there myself. You made me smile, and I'm glad the mushrooms didn't kick in as I've heard some pretty hairy stories... But I could picture you lying on the bed, wondering whether you were high yet! Lordy!
I've often spoken about having IBD on here, as well as fibromyalgia and depression because of having all these things and having no life! I had been managing my IBD more or less ok without meds for about 8 months, but it was hard and I was getting ever so thin as I was eating three things. I was seeing a funky doctor for my fibromyalgia who did mini-vitamin injections for pain management and he was pretty good, to be honest, and helped a lot of me people. Me, well, sort of. But meh.
Years ago, I had a fantastic naturopath/homeopath/magic man who was a little trippy, but extremely good, and helped me with numerous ailments. But he retired, so I was looking for a new magic man in a similar vein. So I asked the pain management man who did the injections if he might suggest someone, and he suggested his colleague, who was a "real doctor" too, but really into holistic and alternative(yeah yeah) medicine. So I made an appointment, and to my surprise my first appointment was by phone. Alarm bells should have gone off, but when you're desperate for help and have been mucked around by various "real doctors" for years you (well, I) decided to go all in. He diagnosed me with Lyme disease and to make sure I had to go and do a blood test for a gazillion things. Also a 24 hours wee test and fill a bucket to take to the lab. So I did those things, and waited for the results. I came back negative for Lyme, but he insisted that it was obviously a false negative as my readings /values/ numbers were close to being on the positive side. And then he prescribed weeks and weeks worth of parasite cleaning pills (strong stuff, not airy-fairy stuff) and all sorts of supplements that of course my insurance would not cover. Long story short, he wiped out the rest of my poor, struggling intestinal lining! And I've been mega sick ever since! Now I'm on immunosuppressants (from a proper gastroenterologist., I never saw the naturo-nutcase again) but they're not working so I have another colonoscopy in a few weeks to see what other immunosuppressants might help.
I've never done mushrooms, but in my younger days I did quite a selection of other fun stuff, but I'm far too much of a control freak and scaredy cat to do anything that might send me to a dimension a little too far away!
A fascinating TedX talk indeed! Thanks for sharing all of this. Navigating health, mental or physical or both at the same time is tremendously challenging. I've been doing a form of energy work/somatic therapy and that has helped so much with me learning to feel my reactions in my body, and to diminish pain in my body by releasing held trauma. I thought it sounded airy-fairy in the beginning but I've seen the changes in my life and it's been amazing. I've had my fair share of interactions with doctors who colored outside the lines. Some good, some ridiculous. Seek, and eventually you'll find. I like to think that way.
AND tell me how you really feel about wee-drinking? You made me laugh with your passionate response to that! xo
I liked your story and could relate to your feelings in a lot if ways. Like you I was desperate to trip having been too uptight in college when I should have. But the year I turned 60 I got some 'organic' shrooms and had a 'shroomy solstice' day on the beach. It was a gentle, enjoyable trip, and I published a short story about the experience.
Nan, you are a wonder. I used to read Yoga Journal, but I don’t remember the home remedies. Non-pharmaceuticals are something I’d be willing to consider. My husband grew opium poppies for a time, and made opium tea, the thing that got Michael Pollan in such trouble. It’s actually quite nice. Haven’t ventured beyond that in my advanced years, except for pot gummies, but I don’t like their effects. Have my tales to tell about the anti-s and the benzos. Another time. Thank for making me smile. xoxo
Why, thank you, Ms. Mary! Opium tea sounds lovely. I love my pot gummy at night. I sleep so deeply and that makes me happy, so very, very happy. LOVE you! xoxo
I'm sure you must be exhausted now by replying to a stream of pee comments, but the drinking of the urine really is funny even if it was a point reached through desperation to change/control circumstances. Truly, it took a lot of fortitude to do that. Where I grew up, they drank a lot of Ale 8. I'm not sure I ever (ever) actually drank one, but I must have had a sip because in my head, that stuff tastes like pee. Hah. Sorry about the hours of waiting for the mushrooms to kick in.
Compliance is a tricky one. Enjoyed the post, Nan.
Not exhausted at all...I'll talk about anything, it seems! The mushroom debacle was certainly disappointing on one level, but also a relief, since I had no idea what to expect. And it made for a fun story. Compliance IS tricky. I also think there are better words. Certain words enter the medical canon and they are judgy and harsh. Labeling. I don't like it! xo
Well Nan, join the club. The very big club of women willing to try just about ANYTHING!
When I was in my 20's (we're talking 1973), I was at a party in Cambridge and smoked a joint. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe and went flying out to my little VW and drove myself to the nearest emergency room. The doctors there just humored me and let me sleep it off. That was the last time I ever smoked pot (or PCP, whatever it was). But I was lucky I didn't end up in a ditch like you...or worse.
Fiddling with pharmaceuticals, some say abusing, is easy if you have willing doctors. But—and I'm playing the long game here—learning to be happy takes times and a lot of hard work. There are no shortcuts, and I know you know this cuz we do similar work to that end. But I still take some prescriptions to keep me balanced and healthy. And that's okay.
Thanks for sharing this story, one that I know will resonate with many of us. xoxo
Ack! PCP? I knew a guy in high school who fried his brain on that stuff. I'm glad you were okay. The work in healing can't be accomplished only with pharmaceuticals. That's one of the lessons I desperately needed to learn. No pill can fix everything. Personal accountability and eyes wide open must be in place. Radical honesty must be one of the prescriptions. xo
You are amazing. I loved this, including your urine-cocktail confession (what was Yoga Journal thinking to publish that? they could have been sued?), which I am glad didn't cause you anymore injury than fainting and running off the road, but that's bad enough. And wow on the mushrooms--I suppose if you had read all of those books, you might have learned that SSRIs block those brain receptors. Or you might not have. Maybe what that 'shroom trip did was tell you that you could be okay as you are. That is a lesson that's golden, and yay for you for learning it in your own way. I'm so glad you're you, and that you're sharing your wisdom. Blessings!
Thank you so much, Susan. SO glad we had that conversation last week. It spurred me to write this one for sure. There's been a process of opening throughout my writing adventure on Substack. I'm letting myself come out of hiding, and celebrating my life. I'm also getting braver and challenging myself to develop my voice...which includes a person with an active sense of humor. I love laughing. Also, love what you said about the 'shroom trip being a teaching in and of itself. I agree! Hugs to you. xo
I'll send you my bill for inspiration later. Hah hah hah! :) It was a fun and fascinating conversation, and I love, love, love your sense of humor here. xo
Even through the humor, one of. your super powers, I saw more clearly than ever the long painful road to your recovery and join your celebration of the happiness of now. Everyday a new now. I'm very happy for that huge shift in your life.
A bonafide child of the sixties, I joined my boyfriend in several trippy substances. (That is not what people mean when they suggest a guide.) It wasn't life changing, and each time I was also greatly relieved to return to normal. Outside was the best, the worst were an all night restaurant that seemed to have a lot of mirrors. Since I was more than ok with my normal, I stopped tripping. I also think Law School was a major interruptor.
I could see how going to law school might get in the way! And thank you for sharing your experience too. Yes, you got it. The road to recovery was long, and painful, and hard. Frustrating to say the least, but what I never lost was my curiosity and willingness to try different things. And that's not to say that resistance didn't come up for me...often! If I ever do experience a psychedelic trip, it will be with someone who is truly a guide, a facilitator skilled in helping make the experience as valuable as possible, and also someone who can oversee my personal safety. That's a big one. I have been know to not think before I act. That's changing for me a lot. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment, Leslie. xo
Not tried pee or mushrooms, but thanks for the insights, Nan.
The British actress Sarah Miles often talked about her pee-drinking habit. Maybe journalists only ever asked her about it because it was such a talking point. Just checked and she’s still alive at 83, so presumably no harm done!
Phew! Interesting. I'm going to have to research that. I feel like I haven't tried mushrooms either...because it was a bust. And I'm successfully abstaining from pee! No more drinking problem. xo
Loved this. I dated someone who drank his morning pee, and insisted all his dojo students did as well. Needless to say, I wasn't a student but your mushrooms. Gawd. Mushrooms are the worst tasting thing in the world. I thought I could disguise the taste by putting them in strawberry smoothies. It just meant instead of having to eat a small handful of gak! I had a blender full of gak! gag! to get down. But once down, it was lovely. I tried deprivation tanks after watching Altered States, but nothing, nada. And I was addicted to Carlos Castenada in high school...
Glad you enjoyed it, Jodi! Why did HE drink pee? I really want to have the experience one day on the one hand, and on the other...who knows. I love the work "gak" so very much. I tried a deprivation tank once, recently. Nada for me as well. Carlos was a pal of mine, too! I used to hang out with him in my high school courtyard smoking area...I was a non-imbiber of all things in HS. Too scared at the time because of my seizure stuff back then to do any experimenting. xo
Gosh, entering a pin? What is this, breaking into Fort Knox? Just to say I loved your drinking pee story. (You've done it for me, and saved me the trouble. Not to mention the taste! Yew!!) 65? Oh, man, yer just a baby yet. Lots of wild rides ahead, girl. By all means keep on truckin', particularly if you have found meds that keep the wheels on the bus.
I definitely saved you the trouble! Don't do it...it's not what Yoga Journal made it out to be. Worth skipping. I do believe in science, these days. xo
Making desperation hilarious is one of your super powers, Nan. Most depressed folks would say they would try anything to get out of the hole. I’m so glad the hole isn’t your residence anymore, because you continue to do the WORK and recognize that the work is daily and forever.
Now, THAT's hilarious. Yes, I guess that's true. And I think I have tried just about everything throughout the years. I didn't even get to my ketamine experiences...maybe an excerpt for another time. The work really is forever and that's a wonderful thing. The more I grow, the more I grow. And the more I write, the more I write. Life is, overall, very good. xo
My husband drank his pee back in the 80's, working with some kind of strange doctor. He's still here, 40 years later! I microdose mushrooms. Good for many things, including an aging brain. I'm not aware of the drug in my body at all. I, too, am familiar with Pollen's work--we watched the documentaries. I think it was a series of four.
That said, back in the day, I did a variety of hallucinogens. I believe they changed my life view, and I'm glad that I experimented. More recently, I did three ketamine journeys with a therapist. Fascinating. It's not really my drug--not warm enough--and I decided not to continue. The two most fascinating journeys I ever took were with LSD (I think I was 22) and ayahuasca when I was around 60. The message I got that time was--this is a distraction. Go sit on your meditation pillow. And so I did.
Awesome, would love to talk with you about it one of these days. I did a course of IV ketamine during the pandemic. I found it fascinating, had an experience that was a little hallucinatory and it did interrupt a scary episode of depression BUT I found the drug to be a little too compelling, and it felt like a dangerous, slippery slope to me. I love being a consumer of life. There's so much brilliance out there! I want to hear about your husband's pee-drinking experience. I won't say that knowing there's somebody else out there who's done it normalizes my admission, but it's certainly nice to have that information shared here. Does it prove that I'm not the only NUT on the planet? Oh, and being a nut is a great thing, in my book! xo
I'll have to have him tell me the story of why and how again. It's probably been over 30 years since we had that conversation. Oh--and my ketamine experience was not IV. I dissolved pills under my tongue, without swallowing for ten or fifteen minutes, so it could be properly absorbed.
Ah, yes, the lozenges? Lozenges, nasal sprays, intramuscular, IV. So many routes of delivery. My old pharmacologist believed that IV was the most effective way, but who knows? He was wrong about as many things as he was right about over the years. Zoom on the horizon! xo
My first ex-husband used to say he would like to try LSD when he was old. If it messed him up, well, he lived a good life. Now that he’s in his 70s, I wonder if he’s old enough. As for me, I am forever a whimp when it comes to drugs - and, as it turns out, drinking urine. That said, I am more than happy to try a vicarious test. Thank you for supplying it!
I think you should remind your ex that maybe it's time? Of course, I have no idea what I'm saying, but it might be fun for him. Yeah, I really recommend foregoing the pee-drinking route. It's probably one of the grossest things I've ever done, and the worst part is that I didn't just do it one time, until I got the verdict from my body to cut it the fuck out. xo
What a brilliant voice you are! As I said before: all funny people are smart, but not all smart people are funny. But you are funny with a generous spirit, and that is rarest of all. When I was probably 8 or so, my mother lined the four of us up by age, which also organized us by height. My youngest brother, me, the next brother, and then the eldest brother. That's right, I'm the only girl with 3 brothers... explains a lot, right? Anyway, my mother wanted a confession: who peed in the bathroom water glass. She said she thought it was apple juice, and downed the whole thing in a gulp. Well, I tried to plead mechanics. Obviously, since I didn't have a hose, I couldn't have done peed in a glass. My mother was a nurse. She narrowed her eyes at me and said it was possible for a girl to pee in a cup. I was baffled. It was? The grilling continued. No one was going anywhere until she had her confession. Finally, the youngest brother started to cry. If I was 8, he was 6. Now, having raised a boy myself, I wonder if my mother really did drink that urine sample or if she only said so to get a confession. At the time, I had no doubt, though, and this piece of yours took me all the way back to standing in the lineup where I had nothing to do but imagine how it tasted, how surprised she must have been, and wonder if it would kill her before one of my stupid brothers finally admitted guilt. Also, I've done a number of things in my quest to heal, including mushrooms and ayahuasca. I'll tell you about it sometime...
LOVE this, Susan. And thank you so much for the compliments. I think being regarded as a funny person is very important to me. Laughter has helped me heal in big ways. Being able to poke fun at myself, instead of feeling shame about some of my choices is so important to me. Not taking myself so seriously helps set me free. I absolutely want to hear about your experiences with psychedelics. I'm sure it's fascinating. xo
Nan, I had so much fun reading this, especially about drinking your own urine. You’re a kick. I love your sense of humor and you’re ending - It was so tender and caring.
Thank you for a lovely ride.
Also, I’m really glad that you’re in a good place.
Really interesting essay, Nan. I think a lot of people, myself included, can relate to the explorative, trial-and-error process of trying to make our brains get in line and bring ourselves some peace. So urine good company.
Hee haw! Slappin' my knee. Love you! xo
Yikes, Nan, about drinking wee! I have heard of this, and I think I even knew someone who did it, but...gross, and yes, so toxic. But I get the desperation to find something to make you feel better because I've been there myself. You made me smile, and I'm glad the mushrooms didn't kick in as I've heard some pretty hairy stories... But I could picture you lying on the bed, wondering whether you were high yet! Lordy!
I've often spoken about having IBD on here, as well as fibromyalgia and depression because of having all these things and having no life! I had been managing my IBD more or less ok without meds for about 8 months, but it was hard and I was getting ever so thin as I was eating three things. I was seeing a funky doctor for my fibromyalgia who did mini-vitamin injections for pain management and he was pretty good, to be honest, and helped a lot of me people. Me, well, sort of. But meh.
Years ago, I had a fantastic naturopath/homeopath/magic man who was a little trippy, but extremely good, and helped me with numerous ailments. But he retired, so I was looking for a new magic man in a similar vein. So I asked the pain management man who did the injections if he might suggest someone, and he suggested his colleague, who was a "real doctor" too, but really into holistic and alternative(yeah yeah) medicine. So I made an appointment, and to my surprise my first appointment was by phone. Alarm bells should have gone off, but when you're desperate for help and have been mucked around by various "real doctors" for years you (well, I) decided to go all in. He diagnosed me with Lyme disease and to make sure I had to go and do a blood test for a gazillion things. Also a 24 hours wee test and fill a bucket to take to the lab. So I did those things, and waited for the results. I came back negative for Lyme, but he insisted that it was obviously a false negative as my readings /values/ numbers were close to being on the positive side. And then he prescribed weeks and weeks worth of parasite cleaning pills (strong stuff, not airy-fairy stuff) and all sorts of supplements that of course my insurance would not cover. Long story short, he wiped out the rest of my poor, struggling intestinal lining! And I've been mega sick ever since! Now I'm on immunosuppressants (from a proper gastroenterologist., I never saw the naturo-nutcase again) but they're not working so I have another colonoscopy in a few weeks to see what other immunosuppressants might help.
I've never done mushrooms, but in my younger days I did quite a selection of other fun stuff, but I'm far too much of a control freak and scaredy cat to do anything that might send me to a dimension a little too far away!
There, I've done another Ted talk... Sorry!
Love
Francesca xx
A fascinating TedX talk indeed! Thanks for sharing all of this. Navigating health, mental or physical or both at the same time is tremendously challenging. I've been doing a form of energy work/somatic therapy and that has helped so much with me learning to feel my reactions in my body, and to diminish pain in my body by releasing held trauma. I thought it sounded airy-fairy in the beginning but I've seen the changes in my life and it's been amazing. I've had my fair share of interactions with doctors who colored outside the lines. Some good, some ridiculous. Seek, and eventually you'll find. I like to think that way.
AND tell me how you really feel about wee-drinking? You made me laugh with your passionate response to that! xo
I liked your story and could relate to your feelings in a lot if ways. Like you I was desperate to trip having been too uptight in college when I should have. But the year I turned 60 I got some 'organic' shrooms and had a 'shroomy solstice' day on the beach. It was a gentle, enjoyable trip, and I published a short story about the experience.
Thank you! Yes, I don't know if I ever will but I've left that door open. I'm glad you had a good experience, Chera. xo
Nan, you are a wonder. I used to read Yoga Journal, but I don’t remember the home remedies. Non-pharmaceuticals are something I’d be willing to consider. My husband grew opium poppies for a time, and made opium tea, the thing that got Michael Pollan in such trouble. It’s actually quite nice. Haven’t ventured beyond that in my advanced years, except for pot gummies, but I don’t like their effects. Have my tales to tell about the anti-s and the benzos. Another time. Thank for making me smile. xoxo
Why, thank you, Ms. Mary! Opium tea sounds lovely. I love my pot gummy at night. I sleep so deeply and that makes me happy, so very, very happy. LOVE you! xoxo
I'm sure you must be exhausted now by replying to a stream of pee comments, but the drinking of the urine really is funny even if it was a point reached through desperation to change/control circumstances. Truly, it took a lot of fortitude to do that. Where I grew up, they drank a lot of Ale 8. I'm not sure I ever (ever) actually drank one, but I must have had a sip because in my head, that stuff tastes like pee. Hah. Sorry about the hours of waiting for the mushrooms to kick in.
Compliance is a tricky one. Enjoyed the post, Nan.
Not exhausted at all...I'll talk about anything, it seems! The mushroom debacle was certainly disappointing on one level, but also a relief, since I had no idea what to expect. And it made for a fun story. Compliance IS tricky. I also think there are better words. Certain words enter the medical canon and they are judgy and harsh. Labeling. I don't like it! xo
Well Nan, join the club. The very big club of women willing to try just about ANYTHING!
When I was in my 20's (we're talking 1973), I was at a party in Cambridge and smoked a joint. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe and went flying out to my little VW and drove myself to the nearest emergency room. The doctors there just humored me and let me sleep it off. That was the last time I ever smoked pot (or PCP, whatever it was). But I was lucky I didn't end up in a ditch like you...or worse.
Fiddling with pharmaceuticals, some say abusing, is easy if you have willing doctors. But—and I'm playing the long game here—learning to be happy takes times and a lot of hard work. There are no shortcuts, and I know you know this cuz we do similar work to that end. But I still take some prescriptions to keep me balanced and healthy. And that's okay.
Thanks for sharing this story, one that I know will resonate with many of us. xoxo
Ack! PCP? I knew a guy in high school who fried his brain on that stuff. I'm glad you were okay. The work in healing can't be accomplished only with pharmaceuticals. That's one of the lessons I desperately needed to learn. No pill can fix everything. Personal accountability and eyes wide open must be in place. Radical honesty must be one of the prescriptions. xo
You are amazing. I loved this, including your urine-cocktail confession (what was Yoga Journal thinking to publish that? they could have been sued?), which I am glad didn't cause you anymore injury than fainting and running off the road, but that's bad enough. And wow on the mushrooms--I suppose if you had read all of those books, you might have learned that SSRIs block those brain receptors. Or you might not have. Maybe what that 'shroom trip did was tell you that you could be okay as you are. That is a lesson that's golden, and yay for you for learning it in your own way. I'm so glad you're you, and that you're sharing your wisdom. Blessings!
Thank you so much, Susan. SO glad we had that conversation last week. It spurred me to write this one for sure. There's been a process of opening throughout my writing adventure on Substack. I'm letting myself come out of hiding, and celebrating my life. I'm also getting braver and challenging myself to develop my voice...which includes a person with an active sense of humor. I love laughing. Also, love what you said about the 'shroom trip being a teaching in and of itself. I agree! Hugs to you. xo
I'll send you my bill for inspiration later. Hah hah hah! :) It was a fun and fascinating conversation, and I love, love, love your sense of humor here. xo
I've got my wallet out...xo
Even through the humor, one of. your super powers, I saw more clearly than ever the long painful road to your recovery and join your celebration of the happiness of now. Everyday a new now. I'm very happy for that huge shift in your life.
A bonafide child of the sixties, I joined my boyfriend in several trippy substances. (That is not what people mean when they suggest a guide.) It wasn't life changing, and each time I was also greatly relieved to return to normal. Outside was the best, the worst were an all night restaurant that seemed to have a lot of mirrors. Since I was more than ok with my normal, I stopped tripping. I also think Law School was a major interruptor.
I could see how going to law school might get in the way! And thank you for sharing your experience too. Yes, you got it. The road to recovery was long, and painful, and hard. Frustrating to say the least, but what I never lost was my curiosity and willingness to try different things. And that's not to say that resistance didn't come up for me...often! If I ever do experience a psychedelic trip, it will be with someone who is truly a guide, a facilitator skilled in helping make the experience as valuable as possible, and also someone who can oversee my personal safety. That's a big one. I have been know to not think before I act. That's changing for me a lot. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment, Leslie. xo
Not tried pee or mushrooms, but thanks for the insights, Nan.
The British actress Sarah Miles often talked about her pee-drinking habit. Maybe journalists only ever asked her about it because it was such a talking point. Just checked and she’s still alive at 83, so presumably no harm done!
Phew! Interesting. I'm going to have to research that. I feel like I haven't tried mushrooms either...because it was a bust. And I'm successfully abstaining from pee! No more drinking problem. xo
Loved this. I dated someone who drank his morning pee, and insisted all his dojo students did as well. Needless to say, I wasn't a student but your mushrooms. Gawd. Mushrooms are the worst tasting thing in the world. I thought I could disguise the taste by putting them in strawberry smoothies. It just meant instead of having to eat a small handful of gak! I had a blender full of gak! gag! to get down. But once down, it was lovely. I tried deprivation tanks after watching Altered States, but nothing, nada. And I was addicted to Carlos Castenada in high school...
Glad you enjoyed it, Jodi! Why did HE drink pee? I really want to have the experience one day on the one hand, and on the other...who knows. I love the work "gak" so very much. I tried a deprivation tank once, recently. Nada for me as well. Carlos was a pal of mine, too! I used to hang out with him in my high school courtyard smoking area...I was a non-imbiber of all things in HS. Too scared at the time because of my seizure stuff back then to do any experimenting. xo
Gosh, entering a pin? What is this, breaking into Fort Knox? Just to say I loved your drinking pee story. (You've done it for me, and saved me the trouble. Not to mention the taste! Yew!!) 65? Oh, man, yer just a baby yet. Lots of wild rides ahead, girl. By all means keep on truckin', particularly if you have found meds that keep the wheels on the bus.
I definitely saved you the trouble! Don't do it...it's not what Yoga Journal made it out to be. Worth skipping. I do believe in science, these days. xo
Making desperation hilarious is one of your super powers, Nan. Most depressed folks would say they would try anything to get out of the hole. I’m so glad the hole isn’t your residence anymore, because you continue to do the WORK and recognize that the work is daily and forever.
Now, THAT's hilarious. Yes, I guess that's true. And I think I have tried just about everything throughout the years. I didn't even get to my ketamine experiences...maybe an excerpt for another time. The work really is forever and that's a wonderful thing. The more I grow, the more I grow. And the more I write, the more I write. Life is, overall, very good. xo
To growing and writing about it! ♥️
I'm raising a glass to that...and you know what isn't in it! xo
My husband drank his pee back in the 80's, working with some kind of strange doctor. He's still here, 40 years later! I microdose mushrooms. Good for many things, including an aging brain. I'm not aware of the drug in my body at all. I, too, am familiar with Pollen's work--we watched the documentaries. I think it was a series of four.
That said, back in the day, I did a variety of hallucinogens. I believe they changed my life view, and I'm glad that I experimented. More recently, I did three ketamine journeys with a therapist. Fascinating. It's not really my drug--not warm enough--and I decided not to continue. The two most fascinating journeys I ever took were with LSD (I think I was 22) and ayahuasca when I was around 60. The message I got that time was--this is a distraction. Go sit on your meditation pillow. And so I did.
Awesome, would love to talk with you about it one of these days. I did a course of IV ketamine during the pandemic. I found it fascinating, had an experience that was a little hallucinatory and it did interrupt a scary episode of depression BUT I found the drug to be a little too compelling, and it felt like a dangerous, slippery slope to me. I love being a consumer of life. There's so much brilliance out there! I want to hear about your husband's pee-drinking experience. I won't say that knowing there's somebody else out there who's done it normalizes my admission, but it's certainly nice to have that information shared here. Does it prove that I'm not the only NUT on the planet? Oh, and being a nut is a great thing, in my book! xo
I'll have to have him tell me the story of why and how again. It's probably been over 30 years since we had that conversation. Oh--and my ketamine experience was not IV. I dissolved pills under my tongue, without swallowing for ten or fifteen minutes, so it could be properly absorbed.
Happy to Zoom talk anytime, schedule permitting!
Ah, yes, the lozenges? Lozenges, nasal sprays, intramuscular, IV. So many routes of delivery. My old pharmacologist believed that IV was the most effective way, but who knows? He was wrong about as many things as he was right about over the years. Zoom on the horizon! xo
My first ex-husband used to say he would like to try LSD when he was old. If it messed him up, well, he lived a good life. Now that he’s in his 70s, I wonder if he’s old enough. As for me, I am forever a whimp when it comes to drugs - and, as it turns out, drinking urine. That said, I am more than happy to try a vicarious test. Thank you for supplying it!
I think you should remind your ex that maybe it's time? Of course, I have no idea what I'm saying, but it might be fun for him. Yeah, I really recommend foregoing the pee-drinking route. It's probably one of the grossest things I've ever done, and the worst part is that I didn't just do it one time, until I got the verdict from my body to cut it the fuck out. xo
As they say, the body never lies. 😏
Correct! xo
What a brilliant voice you are! As I said before: all funny people are smart, but not all smart people are funny. But you are funny with a generous spirit, and that is rarest of all. When I was probably 8 or so, my mother lined the four of us up by age, which also organized us by height. My youngest brother, me, the next brother, and then the eldest brother. That's right, I'm the only girl with 3 brothers... explains a lot, right? Anyway, my mother wanted a confession: who peed in the bathroom water glass. She said she thought it was apple juice, and downed the whole thing in a gulp. Well, I tried to plead mechanics. Obviously, since I didn't have a hose, I couldn't have done peed in a glass. My mother was a nurse. She narrowed her eyes at me and said it was possible for a girl to pee in a cup. I was baffled. It was? The grilling continued. No one was going anywhere until she had her confession. Finally, the youngest brother started to cry. If I was 8, he was 6. Now, having raised a boy myself, I wonder if my mother really did drink that urine sample or if she only said so to get a confession. At the time, I had no doubt, though, and this piece of yours took me all the way back to standing in the lineup where I had nothing to do but imagine how it tasted, how surprised she must have been, and wonder if it would kill her before one of my stupid brothers finally admitted guilt. Also, I've done a number of things in my quest to heal, including mushrooms and ayahuasca. I'll tell you about it sometime...
LOVE this, Susan. And thank you so much for the compliments. I think being regarded as a funny person is very important to me. Laughter has helped me heal in big ways. Being able to poke fun at myself, instead of feeling shame about some of my choices is so important to me. Not taking myself so seriously helps set me free. I absolutely want to hear about your experiences with psychedelics. I'm sure it's fascinating. xo
Nan, I had so much fun reading this, especially about drinking your own urine. You’re a kick. I love your sense of humor and you’re ending - It was so tender and caring.
Thank you for a lovely ride.
Also, I’m really glad that you’re in a good place.
I’m familiar.
LOVE you, Prajna. I couldn't wait to hear what you thought about the piece, given your expertise in such matters. xo