Thank you, Irena. I'm glad you read it. The notification made me come to the post to respond to you, and I decided to read it for myself. Once I send an essay out into the world, I experience forgetting them, sometimes. Does that happen to you? And I'd forgotten how much of myself I shared in this one. I really enjoyed reading it and reminding myself how wonderful that first IRL meet was. And how much I've healed in just a few months. How much kinder and accepting I've been toward my good friend, Nan. Friends are a magnificent thing. I'm so lucky to be building the kind of friendships that last in this terrific extended community of hearts and minds.
Oh, you mean Substack amnesia, when you come back to something you wrote and go, "Oh, I wrote that? Wow!" Happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. I'm so glad my comment prompted you to reread your post—and prompted a recognition of how much you've healed and how much kinder you are to your good friend, Nan. As well you should be! I quite like her.
Friends are indeed a magnificent thing. So grateful to be discovering truly lovely people in this corner of the internet. ❤️
Exactly! It's crazy. I don't think there's one essay that I don't love. And granted some are better than others, but at this point I've written so many of them, that they blur together sometimes. It really made me happy to read this one. And I already can't remember what it's about...no, I'm kidding. Kind of! This corner of the internet is teeming with goodness. I cannot say enough about that. It's expanded my life, and my sense of connection to the world, and I'm forging friendships that I really know are going to last. That's amazing to me. I'm so glad to have gotten the heads up from Eileen that you were someone I needed to know and read. Here's to all the magic of discovery. xo
Yes to every word. Eileen and I are meeting for dinner in SF the week after next and I think we should manifest an Eileen-Nan-Irena meeting after that!
I KNOW! And I'm excited for both of you, and a tad envious that I can't be a fly on the wall for that first meet. But I'd probably be one of those flies that keeps coming to your table and buzzing around your heads whispering "help meeeee...." like Jeff Goldblum in that ridiculous remake of a really bad original...and you'd both be swatting me away, and then one of you might smush me, or one of you might be compassionate...you know, the "she wouldn't harm a fly," type, and trap me under an empty water glass, and then carry me lovingly to the street and set me free. But if one of you did that, I'd probably just fly back in, first chance I got, and make you both nuts....but I have a funny feeling you're probably both smushers, so I'll just stay here in New York and wait to hear about it later. Phew. What triggered that??? You seem to bring out the weirdo in me, and for that, I'm truly grateful! I'm just an old single woman sitting in her La-Z-Girl recliner on a Saturday night, all alone, except for the dogs that are glued to my lap, and loving it that way. I'm going to stop now. Buh-bye until someone makes the next comment. Oh, that would be you. I'm not into tit-for-tat, though. I really am going to stop now. I promise. So all I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be you, it could be me, double or even triple-dipping. Having second thoughts. Okay, I'm going. Bye!
Weird is my love language, and eliciting weird in others is my secret super power, and I'm an unapologetic weirdo so it all makes sense. And I'm manifesting that we all meet as full-fledged humans in the not-too-distant future, which would eliminate the possibility of anyone getting shooed away or smushed. There will be no smushing.
Hey, this was another great essay! I learned to read starting in Grade 1 [1970], if my memory serves me, and these skills have proven and continue to be valuable. Now for my writing? Ok. One step at a time, I always say. Oh, Nan? Our mutual friend, Robin, another Substack author, mentioned your essay, and thus, I navigated.
I wonder, in the interim, if I can buy one of those "super Nan Hugs" on Amazon, maybe? Based on your essay, my educated guess, those Nan Hugs are probably custom-made-to-order or something like that. Figures. No worries: I am still working out how to do that whole exercise of a physical hug kinda routine. Question: if the giver and recipient during a hugging session raise both arms at the same time, could that count as one of those potential mutual "fist bumps?" I'm taking notes here. Thanks for keeping it real through your prose. Love is the best four-letter or is that four-lettered word I know [sure, food is too - we are human - we gotta eat, people?]. Thanks for inspiring me, and all those folks who navigate online to your writing. I didn't have AI revise this post because then my yakketty-yakker would transform into words which might make total sense? Best wishes for every success on all levels. Sending lottsa or is that lots of [?], Love to You and Everyone from London, Ontario, Canada, the land where I currently reside, which is far, far, away. xoxo
Our creator (whatever your beliefs) made us perfect, and we are all just the way that we were meant to be. The dissonance in our heads comes from Societal expectations-mostly fueled by modern marketing, aided and abetted by societal expectations. The psychology of marketing is to create dissatisfaction; We would be happy if we only had whatever it is that they are peddling. One of the challenges of modern life is to take back control of our own feelings and find happiness, fulfilment and acceptance from within our own reality.
I love, love that E was able to come get a real life hug from you! I know you enjoyed it just as much. She is an excellent hugger.🙂
I hear of you so often from her and when she said she was going to visit…yay!
So happy for the friendship that developed between you two.
Also, thank you for your openness about weight insecurities. I think so many people (often women) feel this way at all sizes. If only our worth in ourselves didn’t hinge so heavily on appearance. I hope we all continue to support each other in finding a better view of ourselves. So again, thank you for writing about it.
I know, without knowing you personally, what an amazing soul you are, so I hope you feel lifted up more than you feel like you need to hide, because your light should be shared. ❤️
Angel, thank you so much. Eileen is the best. I feel so lucky to know her. I can't wait for the next visit, the next hug, and I'm so excited for her that this surgery will help her feel some sense of freedom from the Parkies. She's a mensch. Ugh, the weight thing. I go in and out of feeling like I'd rather embrace ALL OF ME, than struggle to be skinny. Regardless of where I end up on the scale, the goal is self-love at any size. And weight loss for health and physical well-being. The other part is strictly a soul thing!
I love you Nan. Simple as that. Your bravery, your honesty and your willingness to be seen in posts like this. Your generosity of time and spirit in your lifting up of others. You are a marvel, smart, quick and funny. You love with your whole soul. A person couldn’t have a better friend and mentor. I’m very, very grateful for you, just as you are.
I'm gobsmacked. Thank you, my dear friend. I love you, too. I think everything you say about me here could easily be said about you, at least the way I see you and experience you and knows what dwells right beneath your surface. Big hugs to you, Susan. So grateful to have met you here. xo
Nanland. A place I've been happy to inhabit for the last month, learning about Substack. A place with no physical markers, only Nan's often delighted face, peeling off into laughter. A more open, genuine person, I have never met... if only in cyberspace. Body issues, be damned!
Eileen's post was just as beautiful and honest as yours. So glad the hug therapy worked and you had a wonderful weekend together. I should mention to Eileen I had a friend with dystopia who had the same surgery. Jack, after years turned into a hunchback by involuntary stomach spasms, stood up straight and tall after those electrodes were planted in his brain. I wish the same magical result for Eileen.
Thank you, Emily! What a wonderful thing to hear about your reaction to the class. I'm so happy you came away feeling that way. And yay, for your friend Jack. That's amazing! Magical results for Eileen are something I'm wishing for, too. xo
Oh yes, you and me and a gazillion other women and body image! I have lymphoma and recently finished a round of chemotherapy. Lost all my hair and can't get over how homely I feel. TO ME! My friends uniformly say, "Marilea, you are beautiful, inside and out." So I know that it's the inner beauty that demonstrates our value, our humanity. My hair is starting to grow back now, but it's come in white. I'm cctually glad about the color cuz I wear so much black. But the rruth is that I've aged at least ten years since I got cancer. Ya? So? Now I look my age—77! Fat, thin, Parkinson's, in a wheelchair, we all know that it's our inner beauty that makes us shine as human bengs. And anyone who doesn't know that? Fuck 'em.
YUP! And another YUP for good measure. I know you're a beauty, need no proof other than how kind and generous you are and where you come from in your comments. I love the white hair thing. And I shaved my head on purpose on and off for 20 years. I loved that. Fat, thin, Parkinson's, in a wheelchair, the outside's not what it's about. It's just learning that, accepting that and saying Fuck 'em and really meaning it down to my core. I'd like to get to that place. Writing about it helps! xo
This was a little heartbreaking, my friend. I'm sorry you struggle with accepting yourself, but I get it. I have my issues in that arena too. I'm glad you and Eileen had a great visit together. Sending hugs.
I know. It is/was. I'm doing better. It helps for me to write about these feelings, and I know there are people out there who get it, who live it, and need to know they're not alone. Thank you for saying that about yourself. I get it. Love you, man. xo
Great read, thank you! I owe you an iced coffee and will certainly circle back with you soon. Keep up the great writing, the best work and take amazing care of yourself!
I'm going to take you up on the iced coffee, but remember, with oat milk, please! Thanks for the encouragement. I can't imagine not keeping up with all of this. So satisfying to write these essays. xo
I think many of us do. And technically we have "Nan" in common. But only because about 10 years ago, I changed my name from Nancy to Nan, legally! Keep doing the work. We can heal this stuff. xo
Excellent article and I can relate to the hiding feeling. I am self employed dog walker. I see people rarely and my office is at home. It's become easier to hide. I've suffer from body dysmorphia since I was a teen. It comes and goes depending on the stress in my life
Thanks, Jane! Body dysmorphia is real and kinda scary to me for a multitude of reasons. I want to let it go and start seeing myself more clearly, more accurately, if there is such a thing! XO
Wow I get this, I used to be a popular dancer in my community at one time,
Now I struggle to get 3000 steps a day. I want to get out more, yet every time I have met someone from my past they look at me, don’t recognize me and I feel them judge and critiques.
Nan, so love the bookends of these two posts, from you and Eileen! Such a good reminder that, as individuals, we experience events and situations so differently (aka the LAST thing on Eileen’s mind was the size of your body as she set out on her cross-country jaunt to see / hug you).
Isn't it great that we both wrote about it? I love that woman, she's the bomb. And yes, I have to give the people in my life more credit than I guess I do, because I'm so enmeshed with my own insecurities. They love me for me. And even if there are judgments about my appearance that pop in, I would find that more human than anything else, we've all been so programmed. I have to remember that the thoughts other people have really have nothing to do with me. It's their stuff. Have to keep that in front of me. It helps. xo
The love radiates right off the page, Nan. Love this so much.
Thank you, Irena. I'm glad you read it. The notification made me come to the post to respond to you, and I decided to read it for myself. Once I send an essay out into the world, I experience forgetting them, sometimes. Does that happen to you? And I'd forgotten how much of myself I shared in this one. I really enjoyed reading it and reminding myself how wonderful that first IRL meet was. And how much I've healed in just a few months. How much kinder and accepting I've been toward my good friend, Nan. Friends are a magnificent thing. I'm so lucky to be building the kind of friendships that last in this terrific extended community of hearts and minds.
Oh, you mean Substack amnesia, when you come back to something you wrote and go, "Oh, I wrote that? Wow!" Happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. I'm so glad my comment prompted you to reread your post—and prompted a recognition of how much you've healed and how much kinder you are to your good friend, Nan. As well you should be! I quite like her.
Friends are indeed a magnificent thing. So grateful to be discovering truly lovely people in this corner of the internet. ❤️
Exactly! It's crazy. I don't think there's one essay that I don't love. And granted some are better than others, but at this point I've written so many of them, that they blur together sometimes. It really made me happy to read this one. And I already can't remember what it's about...no, I'm kidding. Kind of! This corner of the internet is teeming with goodness. I cannot say enough about that. It's expanded my life, and my sense of connection to the world, and I'm forging friendships that I really know are going to last. That's amazing to me. I'm so glad to have gotten the heads up from Eileen that you were someone I needed to know and read. Here's to all the magic of discovery. xo
Yes to every word. Eileen and I are meeting for dinner in SF the week after next and I think we should manifest an Eileen-Nan-Irena meeting after that!
I KNOW! And I'm excited for both of you, and a tad envious that I can't be a fly on the wall for that first meet. But I'd probably be one of those flies that keeps coming to your table and buzzing around your heads whispering "help meeeee...." like Jeff Goldblum in that ridiculous remake of a really bad original...and you'd both be swatting me away, and then one of you might smush me, or one of you might be compassionate...you know, the "she wouldn't harm a fly," type, and trap me under an empty water glass, and then carry me lovingly to the street and set me free. But if one of you did that, I'd probably just fly back in, first chance I got, and make you both nuts....but I have a funny feeling you're probably both smushers, so I'll just stay here in New York and wait to hear about it later. Phew. What triggered that??? You seem to bring out the weirdo in me, and for that, I'm truly grateful! I'm just an old single woman sitting in her La-Z-Girl recliner on a Saturday night, all alone, except for the dogs that are glued to my lap, and loving it that way. I'm going to stop now. Buh-bye until someone makes the next comment. Oh, that would be you. I'm not into tit-for-tat, though. I really am going to stop now. I promise. So all I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be you, it could be me, double or even triple-dipping. Having second thoughts. Okay, I'm going. Bye!
Weird is my love language, and eliciting weird in others is my secret super power, and I'm an unapologetic weirdo so it all makes sense. And I'm manifesting that we all meet as full-fledged humans in the not-too-distant future, which would eliminate the possibility of anyone getting shooed away or smushed. There will be no smushing.
If more hugs are in order- I’m sending mine from beautiful New Jersey, the garden state. Big hug!
Hugs, especially big ones are always welcome! Sending one right back to you, Andrea! xo
Hey, this was another great essay! I learned to read starting in Grade 1 [1970], if my memory serves me, and these skills have proven and continue to be valuable. Now for my writing? Ok. One step at a time, I always say. Oh, Nan? Our mutual friend, Robin, another Substack author, mentioned your essay, and thus, I navigated.
I wonder, in the interim, if I can buy one of those "super Nan Hugs" on Amazon, maybe? Based on your essay, my educated guess, those Nan Hugs are probably custom-made-to-order or something like that. Figures. No worries: I am still working out how to do that whole exercise of a physical hug kinda routine. Question: if the giver and recipient during a hugging session raise both arms at the same time, could that count as one of those potential mutual "fist bumps?" I'm taking notes here. Thanks for keeping it real through your prose. Love is the best four-letter or is that four-lettered word I know [sure, food is too - we are human - we gotta eat, people?]. Thanks for inspiring me, and all those folks who navigate online to your writing. I didn't have AI revise this post because then my yakketty-yakker would transform into words which might make total sense? Best wishes for every success on all levels. Sending lottsa or is that lots of [?], Love to You and Everyone from London, Ontario, Canada, the land where I currently reside, which is far, far, away. xoxo
Wow! Thanks, Rob. All I can do for now is send you a virtual hug! xo
Virtual hugs are excellent! They are not subject to currency exchange rates or tariffs! Thank you, Nan! xo
I like your attitude! xo
Ditto, back at ya! xo
Our creator (whatever your beliefs) made us perfect, and we are all just the way that we were meant to be. The dissonance in our heads comes from Societal expectations-mostly fueled by modern marketing, aided and abetted by societal expectations. The psychology of marketing is to create dissatisfaction; We would be happy if we only had whatever it is that they are peddling. One of the challenges of modern life is to take back control of our own feelings and find happiness, fulfilment and acceptance from within our own reality.
Precisely, Mike. There's a lot of noise around us that is unnecessary to absorb. xo
I love, love that E was able to come get a real life hug from you! I know you enjoyed it just as much. She is an excellent hugger.🙂
I hear of you so often from her and when she said she was going to visit…yay!
So happy for the friendship that developed between you two.
Also, thank you for your openness about weight insecurities. I think so many people (often women) feel this way at all sizes. If only our worth in ourselves didn’t hinge so heavily on appearance. I hope we all continue to support each other in finding a better view of ourselves. So again, thank you for writing about it.
I know, without knowing you personally, what an amazing soul you are, so I hope you feel lifted up more than you feel like you need to hide, because your light should be shared. ❤️
Angel, thank you so much. Eileen is the best. I feel so lucky to know her. I can't wait for the next visit, the next hug, and I'm so excited for her that this surgery will help her feel some sense of freedom from the Parkies. She's a mensch. Ugh, the weight thing. I go in and out of feeling like I'd rather embrace ALL OF ME, than struggle to be skinny. Regardless of where I end up on the scale, the goal is self-love at any size. And weight loss for health and physical well-being. The other part is strictly a soul thing!
It's so nice to say hi to you! xo
It’s nice to say hi to you too!! 🤗
I love you Nan. Simple as that. Your bravery, your honesty and your willingness to be seen in posts like this. Your generosity of time and spirit in your lifting up of others. You are a marvel, smart, quick and funny. You love with your whole soul. A person couldn’t have a better friend and mentor. I’m very, very grateful for you, just as you are.
I'm gobsmacked. Thank you, my dear friend. I love you, too. I think everything you say about me here could easily be said about you, at least the way I see you and experience you and knows what dwells right beneath your surface. Big hugs to you, Susan. So grateful to have met you here. xo
Nanland. A place I've been happy to inhabit for the last month, learning about Substack. A place with no physical markers, only Nan's often delighted face, peeling off into laughter. A more open, genuine person, I have never met... if only in cyberspace. Body issues, be damned!
Eileen's post was just as beautiful and honest as yours. So glad the hug therapy worked and you had a wonderful weekend together. I should mention to Eileen I had a friend with dystopia who had the same surgery. Jack, after years turned into a hunchback by involuntary stomach spasms, stood up straight and tall after those electrodes were planted in his brain. I wish the same magical result for Eileen.
Thank you for sharing about Jack. I’m ready for some magic 🪄 I love a real
life success story!
Thank you, Emily! What a wonderful thing to hear about your reaction to the class. I'm so happy you came away feeling that way. And yay, for your friend Jack. That's amazing! Magical results for Eileen are something I'm wishing for, too. xo
Oh yes, you and me and a gazillion other women and body image! I have lymphoma and recently finished a round of chemotherapy. Lost all my hair and can't get over how homely I feel. TO ME! My friends uniformly say, "Marilea, you are beautiful, inside and out." So I know that it's the inner beauty that demonstrates our value, our humanity. My hair is starting to grow back now, but it's come in white. I'm cctually glad about the color cuz I wear so much black. But the rruth is that I've aged at least ten years since I got cancer. Ya? So? Now I look my age—77! Fat, thin, Parkinson's, in a wheelchair, we all know that it's our inner beauty that makes us shine as human bengs. And anyone who doesn't know that? Fuck 'em.
YUP! And another YUP for good measure. I know you're a beauty, need no proof other than how kind and generous you are and where you come from in your comments. I love the white hair thing. And I shaved my head on purpose on and off for 20 years. I loved that. Fat, thin, Parkinson's, in a wheelchair, the outside's not what it's about. It's just learning that, accepting that and saying Fuck 'em and really meaning it down to my core. I'd like to get to that place. Writing about it helps! xo
This was a little heartbreaking, my friend. I'm sorry you struggle with accepting yourself, but I get it. I have my issues in that arena too. I'm glad you and Eileen had a great visit together. Sending hugs.
I know. It is/was. I'm doing better. It helps for me to write about these feelings, and I know there are people out there who get it, who live it, and need to know they're not alone. Thank you for saying that about yourself. I get it. Love you, man. xo
❤️
Great read, thank you! I owe you an iced coffee and will certainly circle back with you soon. Keep up the great writing, the best work and take amazing care of yourself!
I'm going to take you up on the iced coffee, but remember, with oat milk, please! Thanks for the encouragement. I can't imagine not keeping up with all of this. So satisfying to write these essays. xo
It seems you and I have something more in common than a name.
I think many of us do. And technically we have "Nan" in common. But only because about 10 years ago, I changed my name from Nancy to Nan, legally! Keep doing the work. We can heal this stuff. xo
Ah...but that's not the only thing. And yes, I'm "doing the work."
Excellent article and I can relate to the hiding feeling. I am self employed dog walker. I see people rarely and my office is at home. It's become easier to hide. I've suffer from body dysmorphia since I was a teen. It comes and goes depending on the stress in my life
I always enjoy your writing, Nan :)
Thanks, Jane! Body dysmorphia is real and kinda scary to me for a multitude of reasons. I want to let it go and start seeing myself more clearly, more accurately, if there is such a thing! XO
Thank you for writing so honestly
I wrote an article about BDD actually refurbished one of my old ones last week. It took me years to know it was real and longer to talk about it
I hear you. DO you have a link to the article you can share?
Sure! https://open.substack.com/pub/janedeegan/p/this-is-what-body-dysmorphic-disorder-05e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=pgla0
Jane- great article. Thank you for sharing your experience
So glad you both got your hugs! Thanks for the inspiring courage. ❤️
Thanks, Debbie! xo
Elephant in the room…. Me…
Wow I get this, I used to be a popular dancer in my community at one time,
Now I struggle to get 3000 steps a day. I want to get out more, yet every time I have met someone from my past they look at me, don’t recognize me and I feel them judge and critiques.
I hear you, Diana. I do. Get out there anyway. You can do it. One step at a time. xo
Grace is….. your fog lifting and the light you are shining through your Walk.
Thank you for this, Nan. YOU are Unexpected and so beautiful. The shared experiences are bonkers. BONKERS!
And thank you and Eileen for sharing the. HUG. It’s really everything.
♻️☯️ 👋🚙🐾🛫🛬🐘💡🌱
LOVE YOU, Michelle Marie Engelman Berns. xo Love your emoji choices, too, a perfect recap of the story! xo
Nan, so love the bookends of these two posts, from you and Eileen! Such a good reminder that, as individuals, we experience events and situations so differently (aka the LAST thing on Eileen’s mind was the size of your body as she set out on her cross-country jaunt to see / hug you).
Isn't it great that we both wrote about it? I love that woman, she's the bomb. And yes, I have to give the people in my life more credit than I guess I do, because I'm so enmeshed with my own insecurities. They love me for me. And even if there are judgments about my appearance that pop in, I would find that more human than anything else, we've all been so programmed. I have to remember that the thoughts other people have really have nothing to do with me. It's their stuff. Have to keep that in front of me. It helps. xo