Oh, Nan! As I prepare myself to travel alone to Australia in two weeks (the reward is seeing my younger daughter at the other end) I have so much appreciation for the mental gymnastics you've related here. I'm already starting to think through which suitcases to bring and how to manage them on my own. And I also asked for help! I've requested assistance for the transition from L.A. back to D.C. If time were not an issue, I'd be all right. But I made this same trip in 2022, with the same too-short transition time at LAX. My hubby (who won't be with me this time) and I were misdirected. By the time we found our way, got back through security and to our gate, the doors to the plane were CLOSED! It was worse than the Hertz Dash, and my anxiety as we boarded was through the roof. I decided that humbling myself by asking for assistance was the right thing to do for my sanity and the "safety" of everyone around me.
Sending energy out for your brother. I'm very sorry for what he's going through and hope you had a good visit!
Thanks, Elizabeth for reading and commenting, Elizabeth. I'm jealous...in theory. I've always been interested in that part of the world, but after my first trip out of the country (to Thailand, of all places!) and a 24 hour flight, I'm not sure I can do it again. I've always wanted to see the Sydney Opera House in person. How's that for nerdy? I'm glad you asked for help. I'm finally learning that I don't have to get through life and its challenges alone. Can't wait to hear about your trip, I'm assuming of course, that you'll write about it. And thanks re: my bro. He's got a lot on his plate, and he'll get there a day at a time. I have so much confidence in him. xo
Well Nan, a long tale, detailed beautifully, and one that I've experienced too many times in my life. The older I get (pushing 78), the less I want to travel. Too much stress. How I've survived all my traveling up to now, I'll never know. I just want my king-size bed and my pillow and no need to look at the clock now. My takeaway from the ordeal? Mateo is a saint, well maybe not a saint, but thank God for him or you would have been screwed. I've had my share of airport assistants, and some are better than others. Happy you made it in one piece with all your stuff! xoxo
Thanks, Marilea. It was some trip from beginning to end. The trip back took longer, because of a delay. The whole trip was filled with all the feelings. Sadness, joy, hope, and so much grace. King-size beds are fabulous! xo
I always think about how as a parent, I have always tried to teach my children to be kind, and then watching them struggle with things, realized that I hadn't taught them to be kind to themselves. And so I did, and yet, reading this, I realize I almost always forget to be kind to myself. In fact, sometimes I am actively UNkind to myself. This was a wild ride of a read and ramped up my anxiety (and I don't even really have anxiety!), but it was a joy to read how you've learned to not only ask for help, but recognize that you deserve kindness, not just from others, but yourself. Thanks for the reminder, Nan.
Yes, you first, Dina. It's like the old adage shared by flight attendants and the stewies who came before. PUT THE OXYGEN MASK ON YOURSELF BEFORE HELPING YOUR CHILD. Applies to everything. And what do you mean, you don't really have anxiety? There are people like that? You're the first one I've ever met. Huzzah! xo
I mean just normal anxiety, like getting to the airport on time sort of thing or when there's too much to do, but not the round and round spiraling anxiety. Depression is more my jam ;-). But my father suffered from anxiety and other family members, so I'm intimately familiar with it.
Oh, I do depression, too! The full repertoire. Not as much as in the past, which is a lovely, lovely change. And some of the story was a tad hyperbolic...maybe?
My favorite line: “It was too early in my trip to start crying.” Travel is like that, ain’t it? I too have a pathological fear of getting lost—and of parking lots late at night (not so pathological, really). I salute you for pushing yourself through your anxieties, especially after a 7-year hiatus from flying. And you’ve got an awesome posse of friends out there.
Thanks, Pamela. I love that line, too. It just fell right out, but it was how I was feeling in that moment. And the crying/not crying was so much about all the stress and overwhelm. The fear of what I would see when I saw my bro, and the overall stress of travel and not feeling capable or fit in my body. It's a lot. And yes to my posse! Such extraordinary people. I feel so lucky. You are a member of my posse, too, btw. xo.
This was quite the ordeal you went through. I am not a fan of flying either - it's so stressful, isn't it? I'm glad you made to LA and back safely. With all that inner dialogue, I am now wondering, do you ever talk to yourself out loud?
I'm glad you asked for help and received it. And that lovely man who brought back your bag you'd left in his golfcart, what a treasure he is. He deserves a raise!
I hope your brother is improving and has a good care plan in place. Please keep us updated when you are able. Hugs.
Hi Nancy! I probably won't keep people up to date as far as his progress is concerned. I'm walking a very fine line or a tightrope without a net sharing as much as I have already. My bro is a seriously private person, but when what happens to him effects me, I feel I have a right to share how it effects me. But I'll never go into great depth about the details.
AND to answer your question about talking to myself out loud? YES! All the time. And sometimes in public places...which can be embarrassing to say the least. I've lived alone for a long time. I'm good at keeping myself entertained. There may be a story in there somewhere! xo
Nan, I completely get it about that tightrope without a net and no plan to go into depth about your brother's progress. My sister was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and I haven't shared about that as she is extremely private as well. Plus, it's not my story to tell. I will at some point share how it has and will impact me. Not ready yet.
I had a feeling you talked out loud to yourself! I do sometimes, too. Probably more than I realize! Might be a story in there for both of us. lol xo
Thanks for the travelogue. So glad you took advantage of help. Recently I'm recovering from an accident that took me down for days, but I still questioned my need for help even at 91. Although, I started using the assistance offered in train stations and airports 25 years ago because it relieved the anxiety of finding the right gate and the right seat. How is your brother doing?
This piece is a great example of everday details revealing an inner state. Your travel anxiety is wonderfully familiar, but most of us are not worrying about a brother’s recovery from a life-threatening accident. This piece is funny, poignant and heart-lifting at the same time. People are good to you because you inspire others to help you. It’s a gift. As is the helping, for those who offer the mitzvah.
Thank you, Rona. Interesting take on why people help me. I like it. I've always been a helper, but for the majority of my life, it was conditional and codependent, even though I didn't see it, and that wasn't good for me or others. Now, my giving is mostly unconditional (I can fall into the trap sometimes, I'm learning), not manipulative, and clean. I give because I want to. And I receive, even though it's still hard and there's a little voice that lives inside of me that questions, still, "why would they do something nice for me?" And that's a product of the transactional model I was raised with. Love to you, my friend. xo
Hmmm Nan, this was the absolute best piece of writing. I have read in a long time. Even though I know you have terrible anxiety about flying you turned it into a BRAVE comedy show. You remind me of my mother‘s best friend Mildred, who had an ongoing inner monologue that she was very happy to share with us, all the time. I loved her to pieces like I do you and the overwhelmingly abordable character that you are.
I especially love the part about your commitment to kegels or maybe next time - and the bounty towels.
I say the same thing every time I bust up and sting a leak.
I am not a coffee drinker, but I get it. Ihave to have my morning cacao! Hail to Mateo And all of the lovely people that helped you to make this tender trip to your brother, Including your recovery fam!
Thanks, lovey! It's so great to get this feedback. I was really unsure of posting it, because it's so much rant, BUT the message is clear. And the RANT is a part of my daily operating system. It keeps me entertained for sure. Morning cacao sounds like something worth exploring! xo
A wonderfully ordinary story in which you reveal the extraordinary. It unfolded as Mateo and patient TSA women, writers helping other writers, and wonderful coffee makers -- because yes, COFFEE.
You help a lot of people a lot of the time -- how lovely to let others help and support you during this time with your brother. Keeping you close in my heart.
Thanks Stephanie. We can help each other and get much more favorable results than if we harm one another. I'm keeping you close in mine, as well. And yes. COFFEE. Every day, in every way. This is beautiful, much thanks. xo
What a brilliant, entertaining read! Like you, I hate flying. And like you, I'm waiting for the day when Jews and queers are deported. And I personally hate the TSA.
Mateo is such gold to have made sure your purse and such were returned.
Yes, helpful people abound. It's just difficult to sometimes see them when one is stressed out about traveling, especially traveling via airplane.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Beth. There are so many more kind people than unkind. I need to believe that with all of me...even some of the TSA agents are kind. The woman in Albany with the great glasses was an example. She couldn't have been lovelier. But I hear you. I always wonder about why individuals go into law enforcement to begin with. I think some people are truly trying to provide help, to keep us safe, but there are a fair number of people who are just control freaks and don't have th best intentions. Look at the ICE cowards. Wearing masks to hide themselves. I hate to say this, but I hope they're bothered by their consciences, if they have them to begin with. What a joke this country has become. xo
Me either. Although, the sickness that we're experiencing the last 10 years or so has been there for a very long time. We're just seeing it unleashed. The USA has been heinous for years and years. Starting with the decimation of indigenous people. We're just continuing the motion, it seems. This isn't new. It's just louder and more blatant. xo
Other than concern for your brother and appreciation of your sharing these valuable lessons about being willing to accept help, I have two worries from your story.
First, don't you have precious doggies? Who took care of the puppies?
Two, I must know if the gummy was useful.
Still thinking all the happy thoughts for recovery for your brother. And I'm hoping Mateo wins some sort of a jackpot.
Hi Mimi. These are important questions! My pups stayed with my best friend, Jeanne. Maisy, my younger pup (almost 7yrs old) is madly in love with my bff's dog, Buddy. The look like exact replicas of each other, only he's about 4 or 5 times bigger. She's completely undaunted. They wrestle and run and chase and mouth each other. Hugo watches. He's not much of a joiner, and prefers the company of humans much more than the company of other 4-leggeds. He spent most of my week away in Jeanne's lap! Now, he's sitting sandwiched between my outstretched legs. His favorite spot. The GUMMIES are amazing. I take one every night, chase it with one or two hits from a sleepy vape, and I'm sleeping like a baby. This is after years of sleeping pills and other sleep supplements that worked inconsistently. If you're going to indulge, the indica strain is what you want and for best results the gummy should contain CBN, which is a cannabinoid from CBD that promotes sleep in the brain. Reach out privately if you have more questions. Using these has been transformative for me. xo
I am relieved that the pups were in such good hands! But now you must write a story of this puppy love! I bet they are the most fun to watch. Maisy and Buddy...
I read this this morning in bed (my preferred way of catching up on ss essays) and 2 things struck me--1, how brave you were to do this. It was hard (all of it--the discomfort, the shlepping, the asking for help) and you fucking did it anyway. Mad respect. And 2, the goodness of your community. Eileen, Susan, Kelly, Mateo. *heart bursting*
Thanks, Wendy. And yes, the help. And there's one more anecdote that I haven't shared. Will later, or in another story, about the interaction I had on the shuttle bus that continued in the rental car parking lot. Might use it for a note. xo
So, so, so completely relatable - the whole internal voice and catastrophizing as you got up and on your way. It's funny, yes, but it's also good to know that others do similar things. (It's exhausting, right?) It's also sad that our current world has created and exacerbated some of these anxieties in very real ways, too. I'm glad all went well.
Indeed. The noise can be constant. On the lighter side, it does keep me company, and I've found my sense of humor and can laugh at myself more often, but yes, the anxiety and worry are real. It can be extremely exhausting. The trip out went well. The trip back there was a two hour delay because of mechanical issues and we ended up changing planes. So my late arrival was even later! Walking into my house was the sweetest feeling. xo
Oh, Nan! As I prepare myself to travel alone to Australia in two weeks (the reward is seeing my younger daughter at the other end) I have so much appreciation for the mental gymnastics you've related here. I'm already starting to think through which suitcases to bring and how to manage them on my own. And I also asked for help! I've requested assistance for the transition from L.A. back to D.C. If time were not an issue, I'd be all right. But I made this same trip in 2022, with the same too-short transition time at LAX. My hubby (who won't be with me this time) and I were misdirected. By the time we found our way, got back through security and to our gate, the doors to the plane were CLOSED! It was worse than the Hertz Dash, and my anxiety as we boarded was through the roof. I decided that humbling myself by asking for assistance was the right thing to do for my sanity and the "safety" of everyone around me.
Sending energy out for your brother. I'm very sorry for what he's going through and hope you had a good visit!
Thanks, Elizabeth for reading and commenting, Elizabeth. I'm jealous...in theory. I've always been interested in that part of the world, but after my first trip out of the country (to Thailand, of all places!) and a 24 hour flight, I'm not sure I can do it again. I've always wanted to see the Sydney Opera House in person. How's that for nerdy? I'm glad you asked for help. I'm finally learning that I don't have to get through life and its challenges alone. Can't wait to hear about your trip, I'm assuming of course, that you'll write about it. And thanks re: my bro. He's got a lot on his plate, and he'll get there a day at a time. I have so much confidence in him. xo
There’s a lot to catch up on ! Thank you for your post, they are a delight!
Thank you! Lots of stories to read...and write! xo
Well Nan, a long tale, detailed beautifully, and one that I've experienced too many times in my life. The older I get (pushing 78), the less I want to travel. Too much stress. How I've survived all my traveling up to now, I'll never know. I just want my king-size bed and my pillow and no need to look at the clock now. My takeaway from the ordeal? Mateo is a saint, well maybe not a saint, but thank God for him or you would have been screwed. I've had my share of airport assistants, and some are better than others. Happy you made it in one piece with all your stuff! xoxo
Thanks, Marilea. It was some trip from beginning to end. The trip back took longer, because of a delay. The whole trip was filled with all the feelings. Sadness, joy, hope, and so much grace. King-size beds are fabulous! xo
I always think about how as a parent, I have always tried to teach my children to be kind, and then watching them struggle with things, realized that I hadn't taught them to be kind to themselves. And so I did, and yet, reading this, I realize I almost always forget to be kind to myself. In fact, sometimes I am actively UNkind to myself. This was a wild ride of a read and ramped up my anxiety (and I don't even really have anxiety!), but it was a joy to read how you've learned to not only ask for help, but recognize that you deserve kindness, not just from others, but yourself. Thanks for the reminder, Nan.
Yes, you first, Dina. It's like the old adage shared by flight attendants and the stewies who came before. PUT THE OXYGEN MASK ON YOURSELF BEFORE HELPING YOUR CHILD. Applies to everything. And what do you mean, you don't really have anxiety? There are people like that? You're the first one I've ever met. Huzzah! xo
I mean just normal anxiety, like getting to the airport on time sort of thing or when there's too much to do, but not the round and round spiraling anxiety. Depression is more my jam ;-). But my father suffered from anxiety and other family members, so I'm intimately familiar with it.
Oh, I do depression, too! The full repertoire. Not as much as in the past, which is a lovely, lovely change. And some of the story was a tad hyperbolic...maybe?
But beautifully illustrated that spiral.
Thanks, Dina. xo
Brava! An inspirational tale, along with very entertaining. Such good writing!
Thank you, MJ! xo
My favorite line: “It was too early in my trip to start crying.” Travel is like that, ain’t it? I too have a pathological fear of getting lost—and of parking lots late at night (not so pathological, really). I salute you for pushing yourself through your anxieties, especially after a 7-year hiatus from flying. And you’ve got an awesome posse of friends out there.
Thanks, Pamela. I love that line, too. It just fell right out, but it was how I was feeling in that moment. And the crying/not crying was so much about all the stress and overwhelm. The fear of what I would see when I saw my bro, and the overall stress of travel and not feeling capable or fit in my body. It's a lot. And yes to my posse! Such extraordinary people. I feel so lucky. You are a member of my posse, too, btw. xo.
❤️❤️❤️
Hi Nan,
This was quite the ordeal you went through. I am not a fan of flying either - it's so stressful, isn't it? I'm glad you made to LA and back safely. With all that inner dialogue, I am now wondering, do you ever talk to yourself out loud?
I'm glad you asked for help and received it. And that lovely man who brought back your bag you'd left in his golfcart, what a treasure he is. He deserves a raise!
I hope your brother is improving and has a good care plan in place. Please keep us updated when you are able. Hugs.
Hi Nancy! I probably won't keep people up to date as far as his progress is concerned. I'm walking a very fine line or a tightrope without a net sharing as much as I have already. My bro is a seriously private person, but when what happens to him effects me, I feel I have a right to share how it effects me. But I'll never go into great depth about the details.
AND to answer your question about talking to myself out loud? YES! All the time. And sometimes in public places...which can be embarrassing to say the least. I've lived alone for a long time. I'm good at keeping myself entertained. There may be a story in there somewhere! xo
Nan, I completely get it about that tightrope without a net and no plan to go into depth about your brother's progress. My sister was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and I haven't shared about that as she is extremely private as well. Plus, it's not my story to tell. I will at some point share how it has and will impact me. Not ready yet.
I had a feeling you talked out loud to yourself! I do sometimes, too. Probably more than I realize! Might be a story in there for both of us. lol xo
Thanks for the travelogue. So glad you took advantage of help. Recently I'm recovering from an accident that took me down for days, but I still questioned my need for help even at 91. Although, I started using the assistance offered in train stations and airports 25 years ago because it relieved the anxiety of finding the right gate and the right seat. How is your brother doing?
Thanks, Betty. Me, too. I'm sorry to hear you were in an accident. I'll reach out this week. xo
This piece is a great example of everday details revealing an inner state. Your travel anxiety is wonderfully familiar, but most of us are not worrying about a brother’s recovery from a life-threatening accident. This piece is funny, poignant and heart-lifting at the same time. People are good to you because you inspire others to help you. It’s a gift. As is the helping, for those who offer the mitzvah.
Thank you, Rona. Interesting take on why people help me. I like it. I've always been a helper, but for the majority of my life, it was conditional and codependent, even though I didn't see it, and that wasn't good for me or others. Now, my giving is mostly unconditional (I can fall into the trap sometimes, I'm learning), not manipulative, and clean. I give because I want to. And I receive, even though it's still hard and there's a little voice that lives inside of me that questions, still, "why would they do something nice for me?" And that's a product of the transactional model I was raised with. Love to you, my friend. xo
Love coming right back.
Hmmm Nan, this was the absolute best piece of writing. I have read in a long time. Even though I know you have terrible anxiety about flying you turned it into a BRAVE comedy show. You remind me of my mother‘s best friend Mildred, who had an ongoing inner monologue that she was very happy to share with us, all the time. I loved her to pieces like I do you and the overwhelmingly abordable character that you are.
I especially love the part about your commitment to kegels or maybe next time - and the bounty towels.
I say the same thing every time I bust up and sting a leak.
I am not a coffee drinker, but I get it. Ihave to have my morning cacao! Hail to Mateo And all of the lovely people that helped you to make this tender trip to your brother, Including your recovery fam!
👏👏👏
Thanks, lovey! It's so great to get this feedback. I was really unsure of posting it, because it's so much rant, BUT the message is clear. And the RANT is a part of my daily operating system. It keeps me entertained for sure. Morning cacao sounds like something worth exploring! xo
This.is.awesome, Nan! Damn. What a gift!
Thanks, Kelly. xo
A wonderfully ordinary story in which you reveal the extraordinary. It unfolded as Mateo and patient TSA women, writers helping other writers, and wonderful coffee makers -- because yes, COFFEE.
You help a lot of people a lot of the time -- how lovely to let others help and support you during this time with your brother. Keeping you close in my heart.
Thanks Stephanie. We can help each other and get much more favorable results than if we harm one another. I'm keeping you close in mine, as well. And yes. COFFEE. Every day, in every way. This is beautiful, much thanks. xo
Hi Nan,
What a brilliant, entertaining read! Like you, I hate flying. And like you, I'm waiting for the day when Jews and queers are deported. And I personally hate the TSA.
Mateo is such gold to have made sure your purse and such were returned.
Yes, helpful people abound. It's just difficult to sometimes see them when one is stressed out about traveling, especially traveling via airplane.
Love your writing!
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Beth. There are so many more kind people than unkind. I need to believe that with all of me...even some of the TSA agents are kind. The woman in Albany with the great glasses was an example. She couldn't have been lovelier. But I hear you. I always wonder about why individuals go into law enforcement to begin with. I think some people are truly trying to provide help, to keep us safe, but there are a fair number of people who are just control freaks and don't have th best intentions. Look at the ICE cowards. Wearing masks to hide themselves. I hate to say this, but I hope they're bothered by their consciences, if they have them to begin with. What a joke this country has become. xo
Yes the ICE jerks are cowards. I don't recognize this country anymore.
Me either. Although, the sickness that we're experiencing the last 10 years or so has been there for a very long time. We're just seeing it unleashed. The USA has been heinous for years and years. Starting with the decimation of indigenous people. We're just continuing the motion, it seems. This isn't new. It's just louder and more blatant. xo
Other than concern for your brother and appreciation of your sharing these valuable lessons about being willing to accept help, I have two worries from your story.
First, don't you have precious doggies? Who took care of the puppies?
Two, I must know if the gummy was useful.
Still thinking all the happy thoughts for recovery for your brother. And I'm hoping Mateo wins some sort of a jackpot.
Hi Mimi. These are important questions! My pups stayed with my best friend, Jeanne. Maisy, my younger pup (almost 7yrs old) is madly in love with my bff's dog, Buddy. The look like exact replicas of each other, only he's about 4 or 5 times bigger. She's completely undaunted. They wrestle and run and chase and mouth each other. Hugo watches. He's not much of a joiner, and prefers the company of humans much more than the company of other 4-leggeds. He spent most of my week away in Jeanne's lap! Now, he's sitting sandwiched between my outstretched legs. His favorite spot. The GUMMIES are amazing. I take one every night, chase it with one or two hits from a sleepy vape, and I'm sleeping like a baby. This is after years of sleeping pills and other sleep supplements that worked inconsistently. If you're going to indulge, the indica strain is what you want and for best results the gummy should contain CBN, which is a cannabinoid from CBD that promotes sleep in the brain. Reach out privately if you have more questions. Using these has been transformative for me. xo
I am relieved that the pups were in such good hands! But now you must write a story of this puppy love! I bet they are the most fun to watch. Maisy and Buddy...
We'll see! It's a very simple love affair. I wish I could share a photo here...Maybe I'll share one in Notes and tag you! xo
I love that idea!
I read this this morning in bed (my preferred way of catching up on ss essays) and 2 things struck me--1, how brave you were to do this. It was hard (all of it--the discomfort, the shlepping, the asking for help) and you fucking did it anyway. Mad respect. And 2, the goodness of your community. Eileen, Susan, Kelly, Mateo. *heart bursting*
Thanks, Wendy. And yes, the help. And there's one more anecdote that I haven't shared. Will later, or in another story, about the interaction I had on the shuttle bus that continued in the rental car parking lot. Might use it for a note. xo
So, so, so completely relatable - the whole internal voice and catastrophizing as you got up and on your way. It's funny, yes, but it's also good to know that others do similar things. (It's exhausting, right?) It's also sad that our current world has created and exacerbated some of these anxieties in very real ways, too. I'm glad all went well.
Indeed. The noise can be constant. On the lighter side, it does keep me company, and I've found my sense of humor and can laugh at myself more often, but yes, the anxiety and worry are real. It can be extremely exhausting. The trip out went well. The trip back there was a two hour delay because of mechanical issues and we ended up changing planes. So my late arrival was even later! Walking into my house was the sweetest feeling. xo