43 Comments

Omg this made my day 😁😁 If only the casino knew that remnants of your dad were sprinkled everywhere!!

After my son died, I was depressed and sitting at home one night when I decided to gamble online (I do that once a year or so 😁) That night, I chose a slot called Free Spirit and I also talked to him, asking his "free spirit" to play with me. Well...I bet $2.00 on a spin and landed on the jackpot. I closed my laptop a thousand dollars richer ✨️😊

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I love that. A thousand dollars richer indeed! Thanks for reading, Kristi. xo

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Sooo good Nan. Over the last few years I have pulled the topic of death out of the drawer, where I used to keep it. Death and I have a different relationship, or rather I try to think of it differently. I love how you weave love, healing, humor, and death all together in a vivid adventure.

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Thanks, Rhaine. I thought you might enjoy this one! I had so much fun writing out. My dad would have gotten a kick out of it. I know that in my heart. I want to have a healthy view of all aspects of life...and that includes the inevitable for all of us! It was a wonderful day of remembrance and celebration. Thanks for reading. xoxo

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Brilliant story, Nan. Sad and uplifting at the same time. I loved it, and your love for your father shines all the way through. Like fairy dust. Beautiful. This is what sharing stories is all about. ❤️🤗

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Thank you for your lovely comment. I absolutely loved my father. He was a good guy. My truest sadness is that he's not here to witness my late in life blossoming as a writer. He was one of the people who told me I was good at this. He would be really proud to see me sharing these stories. And there will be other ones that might not be as uplifting and paint him and us in a different light, but those need to be told, too. There will be a full memoir. And it will be called "Fairy Dust." xo

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What a wonderful project and preuve d’amour as we say in French! Proof of love, but it sounds nicer in French, don’t you think? ❤️

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Merci beaucoup ma belle! Toi aussi ❤️❤️

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How does one giggle en Francais? xo

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On rigole, or on se marre! But I’ll take a good giggle anyday ! Xx

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Me, too! xo

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Oui, je suis d'accord!

Disclaimer: I don't speak French. I love the internet's translate tools!

Passe une bonne journée! xo

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So well told. Love the twist at the end!

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Thank you, Monika! It was a really fun experience. I think it was because I was really living in the moment.

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Nan: amazing story, so well told. My guy is still in his black plastic box on a desk in the living room. I think he’s getting a bit impatient. But I’m reluctant to stir the ashes. As if a spark might ignite. Just have to say that I love the punchline. Second place? You were robbed.

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Thanks Mary! I'm always happy for the other people who win, but in this case, looking back, I have to agree! And the story that did take first place was very "arty" and weird. A lot of people told me privately that I should have come in first, but honestly, I was thrilled to win any place. I've been doing these slams for about 7-8 years and this was my first win. I was shocked when they announced my name. It was a year ago. And then this summer, I won again for "I Never Told Anyone, But" that I told in June. Here's the link if you'd like to take a look, or listen (I'm recording my stories, at @Sarah Fay's suggestion). https://nantepper.substack.com/p/i-never-told-anyone-but

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My mom, brother and I I meant!

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Good! I hope it's a good and healing trip for all of you. xoxo

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Wow Nan! This piece brought tears! What a beautiful and fun memorial! So vivid and sweet! The Fairy Dust! I love that too! I’m still healing from my Dad’s passing in November. Complicated grief and relief that maybe and hopefully he is at peace. My mom and brother are planning on driving to his favorite Rocky Mountain Pass-Cottonwood Pass. It’s beautiful and he loved his little jeep. I’m trying to remember his love and the adventures he took us on instead of the painful years. Thx for sharing your story.🥰

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Thank you for your heartfelt comments. I love that it resonated for you. My dad's been gone for 13 years this month. I'm working on a memoir about our relationship. It was fraught with all kinds of stuff, but the bottom line is that we loved each other very much. He was my champion in a lot of ways. I miss him. The saddest part for me is that he's not here to see me thriving, and writing, and creating. He would have loved it. But there's also a part of me that believes that if he were still alive, I might not be doing as well as I am. We really were codependent. I'm so glad you're a subscriber!

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It's fairy dust, I love it.

The part about cremation brought me back to the memory of when my dad was cremated, it was strange indeed a person reduced to an urn. I did not get to feel his ashes, it was in an urn, and displayed on his final resting place cube. After that, a marble will close the cube, sealing in the urn for until we decide to take him out again. Now, I have the urge to go touch it.

His initial wish was to have his ashes scattered across a golf course (his lifelong passion is golf), but he changed his mind at the last moment, saying it's better to have a place for loved ones to visit him.

I might just go get some of his fairy dust when I'm back in Malaysia and scatter them over a golf course anyway...

Thanks for the inspiration :)

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Thank you, Rachel for your comments! I appreciate you sharing your story about your dad. I think ritual is really important for those of us left behind. I think one of the things I treasure most about my experience was that it morphed into an act so spontaneous and playful. That's the part I think my dad would have enjoyed the most...and it was funny! I'd love to know how it works out for you when you go to visit. Be well!

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This brought joyful tears to my eyes, Nan. Fairy dust, yes!

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Oh, thank you Dana! I'm so happy that you've read it. I'm so glad to be connected to you and your writing. I hope we bump into each other again soon!

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Love the fairy dust! And also the way you wrote honestly and clearly about the way you understand the different parts of your relationship with your father. Great piece.

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Thank you Rebecca! Working on a memoir about my relationship with him, in addition to writing these weekly essays. I've never be so happy to be creating!

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Whoa. Wonderful story that went unexpectedly to the water's edge and beyond. Thank you, Nan. My dad's dust is in my dressing room. xox

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Thanks, Billie. I still have my pup Hazel's ashes sitting on a bookshelf, and my dog Sophie's, too, not sure why. I'm not sentimental about things like this usually, and I felt I had to honor my father with some kind of action that would reflect the love I had for him. I visit my father in my memories and the stories that I write about him. He is very much alive for me in myriad ways. AND I miss him often. He would have been so happy to see me finally writing. He was so proud of my writing ability, but I could never let it in. It always felt like pressure. Love to you and Gay. xoxo

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What a great story!

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Thanks, Meryl!

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An unexpected progression, but a great and memorable outcome!

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Surprise! Or as they say in Atlantic City, cha-ching!

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Nan, I loved hearing this at Story Slam and I love this expansion. Fairy dust indeed! My brothers and I mixed our parents' ashes and scattered some at Bear Mountain, where they'd spent their honeymoon, and the rest under a tree in my backyard. Each of us kept out a little to bring and scatter someplace we thought they'd love. I still have that little round box.

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I loved finally expanding the story. It's very rewarding to know that we as writers have so much flexibility to play and to tell the same stories in different ways. Thanks for reading!

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I love this. What a perfect way to "spread" his ashes. I plan on putting Mom in a silver cocktail shaker and carrying her around with me for a while, take her on road trips and such. Also, here's a HuffPo piece you might find interesting.: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gay-dad-married-mom-death_n_66537775e4b09d0995d6edd0

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Thanks, Jodi. I love the idea of the cocktail shaker...it's time to mix it up, as it were. No stodgy urns for this girl...Haven't decided how I'd like to be "disposed" of, but I've read about mushroom suits...they bury you in one, and the fungus helps the body return to the earth. Thanks for the link. I'll check it out.

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I have no kids, no siblings, no partner. I’m aiming for Potters Field

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Oh, so good! That gray powder... So poignant.

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Thanks, Nome! It was quite a day.

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