Thank you, Theresa. Meme was the best. My grandmother was a little scary. There are some stories that include her scattered throughout. Here's one about her that I published as my first piece on Substack. https://nantepper.com/p/the-medicine-that-i-need
I read this just now and looked quickly through the comments, but couldn't see anyone having the reaction that I had – namely, that I am now the granny with the close involvement with my two grandsons, but especially one who spends almost every Saturday night at our house. I am nothing like your Meme but I like the idea of his having memories of myself and my husband when we are both gone – we are incredibly and deliciously close to him and there is a love that is like no other. I write a lot about grandmothers, but from the grandmother POV. Even wrote a whole book on the subject.
Ann, I hope he always remembers you with as much love as I will forever feel for my grandmother. She made an enormous impact on my life while she was alive and she still has influence in the choices I make. I'll often ask myself when grappling with some ethical choice "What would Meme do?" And then I proceed, knowing I'm on the right track. xo
I'm not sure I said what I really wanted to say, Nan, so let me try again.
The most surprising – and disconcerting – thing about becoming a parent is how damned difficult it is. As a mother, you are constantly feeling you are doing the wrong thing - paying them too much attention or too little, giving them too many of your own thoughts or too few, spoiling them, being too tough on them. The guilt trip isI kind of built into the role.
In contrast, the most surprising – and completely delightful – thing about becoming a grandparent is how damned easy it is. When you are a grandmother, it is just a pure love relationship - you are not responsible for making sure they turn out all right, so you just meet them as an individual and give them your love and trust. It's not about whether they remember you; it's the sheer delight of learning from them and seeing the world through their eyes. The grandson who comes weekly happens to be very vulnerable (through a combination of his own personality and his mother nearly dying of cancer when he was a small toddler), so he reaches out in a very touching way. He is also super bright and insightful and we happily give back. And by God, we get a lot. Last weekend, he said that he loved talking to Grandad because he knew so much, but he loved talking to me because he got wisdom. You can't buy that comment anywhere!
So I think what I am saying is that you may have got a lot from your Meme, but I am pretty damned sure she got a lot from you. That's what I meant to say.
Yes. I really was lucky. I wish she'd had an easier life, and I wish I knew her more deeply, and that she could have shared her inner thoughts with me, but that wasn't really her way. She was the best. Thank you for reading, Barbara. xo
Thanks, lovely. I wish you'd known her and Aunt Lily better. They were special. You didn't get enough of them in my opinion. I didn't get enough of them, and Lily died too soon. She was such an impactful presence in my life. And Lily didn't wear a wash and set hairdo. She had super long hair that I had no idea about until one time she stayed over and when I saw her getting ready for bed in her long white nightgown, she'd let down her hair which reached down past her butt...she kept it braided and pinned up on her head during the day. I had no idea old ladies could have long hair! xo
I'm sorry you never met her. I don't think you did, either. Yes, the coiled bun...in braids. Crazy. She was something else, that Lily. I loved her so much.
I listened this time, rather than reading. Your voice is soothing. Such a lovely tribute to your grandmother, the last sentence grabbed me by the heart. 💚
Oh Nan, I love this so much. I can hear the tissue paper wrap as it glides along your Meme's head, smell the odd smells in the pre-war building (we had and have those in Chicago) her galoshes, every single detail -all of it! Thanks for sharing your Meme with us and for the memories they evoked in me.
Thanks, Paulette. It was a wonderful experience to write it. As I wrote it on Sunday, I felt as if we'd had a a day-long visit. It was very comforting and somewhat bittersweet. I slept very well that night, CPAP strapped to my head, completely messing up my hair!
I could see the whole story in my mind, Nan. Thanks for sharing these beautiful details of Meme. Some of her characteristics are like both of my grandmothers. One Grandma made us afghans to match every room in the house and the other Grandmother had the same hairstyle and similar glasses as your Meme. Grandmothers are the most special people we could ever be blessed with. I think about one of them every time I unlock my phone. 😉
Yeah. Grandmother CAN be the best, if they are. Meme was my favorite. My other grandmother was sometimes scary and not as wonderful...not by a long shot, though I miss her too. xoxo
Hey Nan, thank you for your colorful characters story. I was crazy about my Bubby as well and she, enamored with me.
It shook me a little when you say that you wear her wedding ring because it was the one gift that I received from her that was stolen from me from our home.. It was my favorite favorite favorite of everything that I had.
Oh this is so beautifully written, and so sweet. And triggered so many memories for me, and similarities. Except my grandmother was Nana and lived in a house trailer in a small town in West Virginia. She was only 4’11” and went to the beauty shop every Saturday instead of Friday. I slept in her bed with her when I visited until I got older then on her couch. And she died six months before your Meme died! She was only in her 70’s though. She was a wonderful grandmother and it was that same feeling when we visited - so happy to see each other. She was my source of boundless, unconditional love. I was lucky enough to have lived within 30 miles of her my whole life. Thank you for sharing these wonderful memories. <3
I'm so happy that you had your Nana! We were lucky, weren't we? I'm glad enjoyed the story, when I wrote it on Sunday, I felt like I'd spent the whole day with Meme. I went to bed that night feeling very happy and very lucky! xo
Nan, this is stunning. I keep thinking, What a great detail, and then, Even better, and you just kept outdoing yourself. I had a Meme who was very different from yours in many ways, but not in the love she showed me and my many - too many? Strike that - cousins. I did have an Aunt Ruth. Everyone called her “Root.” She stayed with us for a time, slept in my bed with me, and shared many of the same habits that I would now call “quirky” with your Meme. And then there was my aunt Irene: same thing. Love this story and love you. xo
P.S. If you haven’t already done it, bring this to a story slam.
Hey! Thank you, Mary. What habits strike you as quirky? Curious, as all of it seemed so normal to me. And I have to tell you, the experience of writing this piece was delicious. I wrote it all day on Sunday. When I went to bed that night, I felt as if I'd had a real life visit with her. And I'd have to find a slam that would let me tell such a long story. The slam I compete has a 4 minute cut-off. 500 words (at most) vs. 2000. Won't cut it! xo
For years, from one house to the next to the next, I had a green kitchen too. Now my small cottage kitchen is white tiled with gray cabinets and pale yellow walls. Green is my favorite color- you had me at the story title. What beautiful memories, thanks or sharing. There are ways that they sparked memories of my grandmothers.
I hope they were good memories of your grandmothers. I don't know how green became a favorite for me. It never felt like a conscious decision. I just looked around one day at some of my clothes––I wear a lime green fleece hoodie almost every day as a jacket, my favorite linen outfit is that green and I owned a lime green metallic Prius at one point. Just snuck up on me, I guess. And it has to be the vivid light greens. No forest green for me. No interest in that color. So funny. And the other color seems to the hot pink I use in my branding. But at present I have no hot pink clothing! Or anything else for that matter....Thanks for reading, Deb! xo
I also had a "nana" (in my case) whose apartment had a very specific smell of cooking & old-building, who wore cats-eye glasses and tucked a kleenex in her sleeve. (It was my other grandmother who shaved time off her age.)
That you painted your kitchen green is just wonderful.
The Kleenex up her sleeve was weirdly always clean...I adopted the sleeve-tucking habit, but I can't seem to get the always-clean part right...reuse-recycle generation, or just too lazy to get up, throw it away once used, and then get a fresh one. Way too much info, but I am who I am. And yes, the details. Way more vivid memories from my childhood than from many periods in my adulthood. xoxo
So that's behind your green kitchen. My mother had the same Friday ritual, and often I was taken along, and had to amuse myself while she was prepared for the coming week - hair and nails. The tray of nail polish fascinated me, so many colors. Memories that get unearthed.
Hi Nan !
As a new friend I am glad to read about your dear Meme.
My experience with grandparents was not so sweet and it is nice to read about a good one !
Love to read you !
Thank you, Theresa. Meme was the best. My grandmother was a little scary. There are some stories that include her scattered throughout. Here's one about her that I published as my first piece on Substack. https://nantepper.com/p/the-medicine-that-i-need
I read this just now and looked quickly through the comments, but couldn't see anyone having the reaction that I had – namely, that I am now the granny with the close involvement with my two grandsons, but especially one who spends almost every Saturday night at our house. I am nothing like your Meme but I like the idea of his having memories of myself and my husband when we are both gone – we are incredibly and deliciously close to him and there is a love that is like no other. I write a lot about grandmothers, but from the grandmother POV. Even wrote a whole book on the subject.
Ann, I hope he always remembers you with as much love as I will forever feel for my grandmother. She made an enormous impact on my life while she was alive and she still has influence in the choices I make. I'll often ask myself when grappling with some ethical choice "What would Meme do?" And then I proceed, knowing I'm on the right track. xo
I'm not sure I said what I really wanted to say, Nan, so let me try again.
The most surprising – and disconcerting – thing about becoming a parent is how damned difficult it is. As a mother, you are constantly feeling you are doing the wrong thing - paying them too much attention or too little, giving them too many of your own thoughts or too few, spoiling them, being too tough on them. The guilt trip isI kind of built into the role.
In contrast, the most surprising – and completely delightful – thing about becoming a grandparent is how damned easy it is. When you are a grandmother, it is just a pure love relationship - you are not responsible for making sure they turn out all right, so you just meet them as an individual and give them your love and trust. It's not about whether they remember you; it's the sheer delight of learning from them and seeing the world through their eyes. The grandson who comes weekly happens to be very vulnerable (through a combination of his own personality and his mother nearly dying of cancer when he was a small toddler), so he reaches out in a very touching way. He is also super bright and insightful and we happily give back. And by God, we get a lot. Last weekend, he said that he loved talking to Grandad because he knew so much, but he loved talking to me because he got wisdom. You can't buy that comment anywhere!
So I think what I am saying is that you may have got a lot from your Meme, but I am pretty damned sure she got a lot from you. That's what I meant to say.
That's really lovely, Ann. Thank you. I think she did.
This piece makes my heart happy and sad, all at once. How lucky you were to have had your Meme.
Yes. I really was lucky. I wish she'd had an easier life, and I wish I knew her more deeply, and that she could have shared her inner thoughts with me, but that wasn't really her way. She was the best. Thank you for reading, Barbara. xo
Such a tender tribute to the woman who nurtured you. And the ending! Unexpected chills.
Thanks, lovely. I wish you'd known her and Aunt Lily better. They were special. You didn't get enough of them in my opinion. I didn't get enough of them, and Lily died too soon. She was such an impactful presence in my life. And Lily didn't wear a wash and set hairdo. She had super long hair that I had no idea about until one time she stayed over and when I saw her getting ready for bed in her long white nightgown, she'd let down her hair which reached down past her butt...she kept it braided and pinned up on her head during the day. I had no idea old ladies could have long hair! xo
I wish I'd known them then, and especially YOU. I loved the photos btw.
I edited my answer just now. I don't know if you saw it.
I do remember her hair, although I only saw it pinned up in a bun or coiled on top like a little crown. I don't think I ever met your Meme. :'(
I'm sorry you never met her. I don't think you did, either. Yes, the coiled bun...in braids. Crazy. She was something else, that Lily. I loved her so much.
I listened this time, rather than reading. Your voice is soothing. Such a lovely tribute to your grandmother, the last sentence grabbed me by the heart. 💚
Thanks, lovey. I hope to get much better at the reading part. I adore doing it. xo
Oh Nan, I love this so much. I can hear the tissue paper wrap as it glides along your Meme's head, smell the odd smells in the pre-war building (we had and have those in Chicago) her galoshes, every single detail -all of it! Thanks for sharing your Meme with us and for the memories they evoked in me.
Thanks, Paulette. It was a wonderful experience to write it. As I wrote it on Sunday, I felt as if we'd had a a day-long visit. It was very comforting and somewhat bittersweet. I slept very well that night, CPAP strapped to my head, completely messing up my hair!
Yes!!! An old fashioned Sunday visit with Meme. Ha ha, I imagine that Meme would understand about the messy hair.
😂More like it.
Actually, she might be appalled. Why don't I use tissue paper???
Such a beautiful collection of memories and told with so much care and tenderness. Really lovely 🥰
Thank you, Sara. xoxo
Ode to Meme - this is so sweet, Nan. (And we had your same green in an apartment years ago.)
Love that green! So alive. xoxo!
I could see the whole story in my mind, Nan. Thanks for sharing these beautiful details of Meme. Some of her characteristics are like both of my grandmothers. One Grandma made us afghans to match every room in the house and the other Grandmother had the same hairstyle and similar glasses as your Meme. Grandmothers are the most special people we could ever be blessed with. I think about one of them every time I unlock my phone. 😉
Yeah. Grandmother CAN be the best, if they are. Meme was my favorite. My other grandmother was sometimes scary and not as wonderful...not by a long shot, though I miss her too. xoxo
Hey Nan, thank you for your colorful characters story. I was crazy about my Bubby as well and she, enamored with me.
It shook me a little when you say that you wear her wedding ring because it was the one gift that I received from her that was stolen from me from our home.. It was my favorite favorite favorite of everything that I had.
Love those Bubbies !
I’m so sorry about your Bubby’s ring. That hurts. xoxo
Oh this is so beautifully written, and so sweet. And triggered so many memories for me, and similarities. Except my grandmother was Nana and lived in a house trailer in a small town in West Virginia. She was only 4’11” and went to the beauty shop every Saturday instead of Friday. I slept in her bed with her when I visited until I got older then on her couch. And she died six months before your Meme died! She was only in her 70’s though. She was a wonderful grandmother and it was that same feeling when we visited - so happy to see each other. She was my source of boundless, unconditional love. I was lucky enough to have lived within 30 miles of her my whole life. Thank you for sharing these wonderful memories. <3
I'm so happy that you had your Nana! We were lucky, weren't we? I'm glad enjoyed the story, when I wrote it on Sunday, I felt like I'd spent the whole day with Meme. I went to bed that night feeling very happy and very lucky! xo
Nan, this is stunning. I keep thinking, What a great detail, and then, Even better, and you just kept outdoing yourself. I had a Meme who was very different from yours in many ways, but not in the love she showed me and my many - too many? Strike that - cousins. I did have an Aunt Ruth. Everyone called her “Root.” She stayed with us for a time, slept in my bed with me, and shared many of the same habits that I would now call “quirky” with your Meme. And then there was my aunt Irene: same thing. Love this story and love you. xo
P.S. If you haven’t already done it, bring this to a story slam.
Hey! Thank you, Mary. What habits strike you as quirky? Curious, as all of it seemed so normal to me. And I have to tell you, the experience of writing this piece was delicious. I wrote it all day on Sunday. When I went to bed that night, I felt as if I'd had a real life visit with her. And I'd have to find a slam that would let me tell such a long story. The slam I compete has a 4 minute cut-off. 500 words (at most) vs. 2000. Won't cut it! xo
For years, from one house to the next to the next, I had a green kitchen too. Now my small cottage kitchen is white tiled with gray cabinets and pale yellow walls. Green is my favorite color- you had me at the story title. What beautiful memories, thanks or sharing. There are ways that they sparked memories of my grandmothers.
I hope they were good memories of your grandmothers. I don't know how green became a favorite for me. It never felt like a conscious decision. I just looked around one day at some of my clothes––I wear a lime green fleece hoodie almost every day as a jacket, my favorite linen outfit is that green and I owned a lime green metallic Prius at one point. Just snuck up on me, I guess. And it has to be the vivid light greens. No forest green for me. No interest in that color. So funny. And the other color seems to the hot pink I use in my branding. But at present I have no hot pink clothing! Or anything else for that matter....Thanks for reading, Deb! xo
Your recall of detail is amazing!
I also had a "nana" (in my case) whose apartment had a very specific smell of cooking & old-building, who wore cats-eye glasses and tucked a kleenex in her sleeve. (It was my other grandmother who shaved time off her age.)
That you painted your kitchen green is just wonderful.
The Kleenex up her sleeve was weirdly always clean...I adopted the sleeve-tucking habit, but I can't seem to get the always-clean part right...reuse-recycle generation, or just too lazy to get up, throw it away once used, and then get a fresh one. Way too much info, but I am who I am. And yes, the details. Way more vivid memories from my childhood than from many periods in my adulthood. xoxo
So that's behind your green kitchen. My mother had the same Friday ritual, and often I was taken along, and had to amuse myself while she was prepared for the coming week - hair and nails. The tray of nail polish fascinated me, so many colors. Memories that get unearthed.
I love being able to access the good ones! The more I write the more I remember.
What a beautiful essay and tribute to your grandmother. I chuckled at the description of the shoes. I think my grandmother wore the same kind.
Thanks, J. Sometimes she mixed it up and wore taupe ones, just to be risqué! xo