Great essay. I love the concept of looking on the flip side of my "no." Replace "why?" with "Why not." I've psyched myself out of doing too many things. So glad we're on the same path!
One of the dearest things about my late husband was that he started everything with a "No". But after you knew him for a while it was clear that he only did that to give himself time and the space to consider his options. A totally understandable response to the family he grew up in. In the end, you could convince him into "Yes!" And that was wonderful. To know eacother so well that we could do that dance with humor. Over and over.
Love that. I'm getting to a place now where I allow myself to pause, and even say to the person asking "I need to think about it a bit before I respond." I really like doing it that way. It's so different from my knee jerk no. xo
Taking risks, allowing myself to fail at some things. I only learn from the mistakes I've made (if I'm lucky), Too much success just makes us arrogant, but I doin't have to worry about that. I'm too human!
You're probably right about arrogance covering up insecurity. But when I'm around arrogant people, I could care less about their insecurity! It's such a turn off for me that I just run in the opposite direction. But now you've made me think. Maybe I could muster some compassion and empathy. Stick around. When I projected arrogance (in my youth!), I might have wanted others to stick around and look a little deeper. Thanks for helping me think a little more about this, Nan!
It's true, it's definitely a turn off. It's hard sometimes to generate empathy when people are challenging or show their worst sides. I do battle with that all the time. My sponsor says "If you spot it, you got it." So whenever someone triggers me, my tendency is to take a step back (because of 12 Step work and a great therapist) and look at myself before I judge too harshly or at all. It's hard to mind my side of the street, but I practice. My therapist says there are two aspects to all of our behaviors. They come out of fear (which leads to anger, hatred, jealousy, greed) or love (which just generates more love and fearlessness). I choose love even when it's really hard to get there. xo
I can so relate to the stubbornness and not wanting to ask for help. Because I CAN DO IT MYSELF. It finally dawned on me that that trait hadn’t been particularly helpful throughout my life. Hindsight, right?
The dance of yes and no-no. I understand the foundation of that, no, the feeling of not being good enough, of failing, and how that somehow made me a badly flawed human. Here's to saying yes and sometimes tripping on our feet but taking those steps anyway.
Nope, except from the occasional slip made by mother (she gets a pass, she named me), most people in my current life only know me as Nan. I had it legally changed about 10 years ago! xo
I love that curiosity opened a doorway for you to get to yes, Nan! It is an underrated way of being and is so enriching. Well done on bringing such positive change into your life!
You’re right about the power of “yes.” It unlocks joy and possibility. That said, I must speak up for “no.” It’s the great protector, your shield against manipulation. Some of my most transformative moments are about the power of “no.”
Oh, I never gave up my love affair with "no." I'm still committed, but I apply much greater discernment when I choose its use. No is powerful, for sure, and very important part of my toolbox. And I don't think that Nancy Yes-Yes is nearly as appealing! xo
I applaud your decison to say YES! It certainly requires courage to step out of one's comfort zone. I have trouble coming out of mine, as well. I dig my stubborn heals to keep myself safe. You inspire me to move through difficult emotions and say YES!
My problem is that I say yes when I am feeling a hard no. It's hard for me to disappoint someone. I'm working on it.
I hear you. I did that, too. As a matter of fact, I'm writing an essay about that, hopefully for this coming Wednesday. xo!
Great essay. I love the concept of looking on the flip side of my "no." Replace "why?" with "Why not." I've psyched myself out of doing too many things. So glad we're on the same path!
Why not??? LOVE you! xo
Yes to the yeses! And there's nothing better than doggie side eye.
Hazel had her side eye down. She was a pro. I tried to behave for her, really, I did! xo
Your courage and honest vulnerability is inspirational!
Thanks, Debra! xo
One of the dearest things about my late husband was that he started everything with a "No". But after you knew him for a while it was clear that he only did that to give himself time and the space to consider his options. A totally understandable response to the family he grew up in. In the end, you could convince him into "Yes!" And that was wonderful. To know eacother so well that we could do that dance with humor. Over and over.
Love that. I'm getting to a place now where I allow myself to pause, and even say to the person asking "I need to think about it a bit before I respond." I really like doing it that way. It's so different from my knee jerk no. xo
I love that you now ask yourself such straightforward questions: Where is my yes. Why is it hiding? Those are going stay with me! Thanks, Nan.
Thanks, Elizabeth. I'm learning. And I often have to be reminded. Have a beautiful day. xo
Taking risks, allowing myself to fail at some things. I only learn from the mistakes I've made (if I'm lucky), Too much success just makes us arrogant, but I doin't have to worry about that. I'm too human!
Love! Me too. And in honesty, arrogance seem like just a cover for insecurity. What do you think? xo
You're probably right about arrogance covering up insecurity. But when I'm around arrogant people, I could care less about their insecurity! It's such a turn off for me that I just run in the opposite direction. But now you've made me think. Maybe I could muster some compassion and empathy. Stick around. When I projected arrogance (in my youth!), I might have wanted others to stick around and look a little deeper. Thanks for helping me think a little more about this, Nan!
It's true, it's definitely a turn off. It's hard sometimes to generate empathy when people are challenging or show their worst sides. I do battle with that all the time. My sponsor says "If you spot it, you got it." So whenever someone triggers me, my tendency is to take a step back (because of 12 Step work and a great therapist) and look at myself before I judge too harshly or at all. It's hard to mind my side of the street, but I practice. My therapist says there are two aspects to all of our behaviors. They come out of fear (which leads to anger, hatred, jealousy, greed) or love (which just generates more love and fearlessness). I choose love even when it's really hard to get there. xo
I can so relate to the stubbornness and not wanting to ask for help. Because I CAN DO IT MYSELF. It finally dawned on me that that trait hadn’t been particularly helpful throughout my life. Hindsight, right?
Exactly. Yes, hindsight. The runner up to foresight. Seems to be a trend for me. xo
Beautiful. Raw and real. The “No” soul who sees another way to balance life with some “YES” I love this! So poignant.
I’ll pass this one on to my favorite sister as you have perfectly nailed the essence of this human condition.
**After I read it again and again. ☺️
Thank you! And thanks for sending it to your sister. You're very kind. xo
Just beautiful.
Thanks, Amrita! xo
The dance of yes and no-no. I understand the foundation of that, no, the feeling of not being good enough, of failing, and how that somehow made me a badly flawed human. Here's to saying yes and sometimes tripping on our feet but taking those steps anyway.
And for not being afraid to say no when that's what we need to do. I love my yeses AND my nos. How are you, lovely Paulette? xo
Most definitely, Nan. It's taken me years to follow the yeses and nos. And still learning.
From NancyNoNo to NancyGoGo❤️ (does anyone call you Nancy?)
Nope, except from the occasional slip made by mother (she gets a pass, she named me), most people in my current life only know me as Nan. I had it legally changed about 10 years ago! xo
I love that curiosity opened a doorway for you to get to yes, Nan! It is an underrated way of being and is so enriching. Well done on bringing such positive change into your life!
Thanks, lovey. xo
You’re right about the power of “yes.” It unlocks joy and possibility. That said, I must speak up for “no.” It’s the great protector, your shield against manipulation. Some of my most transformative moments are about the power of “no.”
Oh, I never gave up my love affair with "no." I'm still committed, but I apply much greater discernment when I choose its use. No is powerful, for sure, and very important part of my toolbox. And I don't think that Nancy Yes-Yes is nearly as appealing! xo
I applaud your decison to say YES! It certainly requires courage to step out of one's comfort zone. I have trouble coming out of mine, as well. I dig my stubborn heals to keep myself safe. You inspire me to move through difficult emotions and say YES!
Thank you, Barbara. xo
Wow. You’ve come a long way. Isn’t saying ‘yes’ much more fun! Keep going, girl! Xx
It's been a long life. Happy I caught on, but still very clear about the "nos" as well! xo