I remember that period in history. It was indeed a challenging time for so many people and for so many reasons. But I am glad it brought you to such a scenic geographic locale—up the Hudson River Valley—where you've built a wonderful life in furtherance of the arts.
Nan, I remember my first sweat lodge experience. It felt so "out there" and scary. And most definitely, I relate to the struggle of letting go of control. I still struggle with it! And the dirty-oh my yes. Though with three brothers, my folks could care less if I got dirty, but I hated it. Maybe that's where my Stack's title, Because Life is Messy really arose. There is no denying the dirt.
True thing, Paulette. Life IS messy! My control issues aren't gone, but I'm much more aware of the knee jerk reactions and am more often able to tease out what's really going on, if I'm present to all of it. xo
I loved this, Nan, as I do all your stories. Learning to let go of control is soooo hard. The irony is, much of the time, that “control” we think we have is an illusion.
Exactly! I think most of the control is an illusion, and learning to surrender has been the most freeing thing in my life. And I'm still a beginner...sometimes I need to be reminded of how little control I have. xo
I love knowing about this episode in your life! My first sweating experience (cue Jimi Hendrix) was in a rickety wooden sauna with a bunch of strangers plus Bob and his brother, up in wet, cold Humboldt County, CA. Laying down wasn't possible--too many naked bodies jammed in, no room, too suggestive anyway. I can't even recall being hot; I was only worried about my nudity. What would my mother think? Or my ex-husband??? Hahaha!
That is awesome. I have wanted to do a sweat lodge but I hate heat too! I tried a sauna a few times and hated it. I recently did a “virtual sweat lodge” guided meditation and loved it. I wish I could tolerate the real thing.
Wow, what a wonderful example of the power of surrender! And our need to control—truly a double-edged emotion.
Thanks for sharing this incident. I'm learning so much from you and my hero, Abigail Thomas. Just simple observations—there were so many of them in her vignette-filled books—make for creative writing and interesting reading. I look forward to reading more of your observations and memories. Filled with lessons and wisdom.
Thanks, lovely. The more I write, the more I remember. And the more I write, the more I have to say. I’m so thrilled to be doing this work. I was just in a talk at Woodstock Bookfest today. Abby was on the panel! I love her so much. xo
It's hard, isn't it? Seeing our insecurities (or control issues) for what they really are? How great that you are learning to do that now, at this phase of life, when so many others are resigned to who we've become, change be damned!
This is so fascinating to me, Nan. My daughter's play therapist told me one time after a session that my Charlie painted her hands with different colors and then asked if she had to wipe them off. When the therapist affirmed she could do whatever she wanted in the play room, she proceeded to paint the other side and exclaimed to her therapist "Mom always makes me clean up after I get dirty at home, but I like being dirty." What stuck with me, besides the obvious, is that she didn't say "I like GETTING dirty." She said, "I like BEING dirty." I allow her to get dirty at home, but I always make her clean up right after. What she needs is to be allowed to BE dirty, no clean up required. Your bravery in going to a sweat lodge in the first place is compounded for me by the bravery to ultimately BE dirty, not just GET dirty. Thank you so much for sharing!
Loved this! I'm glad that it was in print, too. For some reason, I rarely listen to audios.
I have done a few sweat lodges. INTENSE! I lived in NYC from 1969-1971, then, when my partner of the time got held up at gunpoint, we left the city for good. I've never missed it--nor have I been back. And I live very happily in a town of about 7,000 people. I'm 1.5 hrs from San Francisco if I require a big city.
I don’t miss NYC at all. My quiet life is precious to me. And there are plenty of opportunities to participate in my culturally rich community. I love my home. xo
Big laugh from me when you mentioned that everyone was wearing Birkenstocks....I bartended at a fancy bar in Seattle in the 90s where one of the cocktail waitresses was so disgusted by the local custom of wearing Birkenstocks everywhere. She referred to it as "sandalism" with great disdain, especially when combined with socks...
I'm glad you've embraced getting messy sometimes. Discernment suits you. I hope you've had an amazing weekend at Bookfest. 💖
Thanks, lovey. An update: I am now the ambivalent owner of 4 pair of Birks. Some are less unattractive than others. They kind of grow on you. But I have to say that they’re not as comfortable as I’d hoped. xoxo The weekend has been wonderful so far. xo
Good for you. Keep pushing the boundaries of the muddy envelopes. More will be revealed, more will be required.
Every day in every way. More will definitely be required as we can see, as more is revealed, day after day. Testing my recovery in very big ways. xo
I remember that period in history. It was indeed a challenging time for so many people and for so many reasons. But I am glad it brought you to such a scenic geographic locale—up the Hudson River Valley—where you've built a wonderful life in furtherance of the arts.
I have indeed! It's wonderful here, inside of me and outside, too! xo
Nan, I remember my first sweat lodge experience. It felt so "out there" and scary. And most definitely, I relate to the struggle of letting go of control. I still struggle with it! And the dirty-oh my yes. Though with three brothers, my folks could care less if I got dirty, but I hated it. Maybe that's where my Stack's title, Because Life is Messy really arose. There is no denying the dirt.
True thing, Paulette. Life IS messy! My control issues aren't gone, but I'm much more aware of the knee jerk reactions and am more often able to tease out what's really going on, if I'm present to all of it. xo
Love it! 🩷
Love you! xo
I loved this, Nan, as I do all your stories. Learning to let go of control is soooo hard. The irony is, much of the time, that “control” we think we have is an illusion.
Exactly! I think most of the control is an illusion, and learning to surrender has been the most freeing thing in my life. And I'm still a beginner...sometimes I need to be reminded of how little control I have. xo
The many lives of Nan Tepper. xo
Yup! xo
I love knowing about this episode in your life! My first sweating experience (cue Jimi Hendrix) was in a rickety wooden sauna with a bunch of strangers plus Bob and his brother, up in wet, cold Humboldt County, CA. Laying down wasn't possible--too many naked bodies jammed in, no room, too suggestive anyway. I can't even recall being hot; I was only worried about my nudity. What would my mother think? Or my ex-husband??? Hahaha!
I was NOT naked in my first sweat. I wouldn't have been comfortable at all, and would have said no. I have my limits! xo
So fun!
Thanks, Mary Anne! xo
That is awesome. I have wanted to do a sweat lodge but I hate heat too! I tried a sauna a few times and hated it. I recently did a “virtual sweat lodge” guided meditation and loved it. I wish I could tolerate the real thing.
Thanks, Jamie. I did it that one time. I learned something important about myself. One time was enough for me! xo
Wow, what a wonderful example of the power of surrender! And our need to control—truly a double-edged emotion.
Thanks for sharing this incident. I'm learning so much from you and my hero, Abigail Thomas. Just simple observations—there were so many of them in her vignette-filled books—make for creative writing and interesting reading. I look forward to reading more of your observations and memories. Filled with lessons and wisdom.
Thanks, lovely. The more I write, the more I remember. And the more I write, the more I have to say. I’m so thrilled to be doing this work. I was just in a talk at Woodstock Bookfest today. Abby was on the panel! I love her so much. xo
It's hard, isn't it? Seeing our insecurities (or control issues) for what they really are? How great that you are learning to do that now, at this phase of life, when so many others are resigned to who we've become, change be damned!
My life keeps transforming the more work I do in 12 Step and here as a writer. We never arrive, life is about evolving and evolving.
This is so fascinating to me, Nan. My daughter's play therapist told me one time after a session that my Charlie painted her hands with different colors and then asked if she had to wipe them off. When the therapist affirmed she could do whatever she wanted in the play room, she proceeded to paint the other side and exclaimed to her therapist "Mom always makes me clean up after I get dirty at home, but I like being dirty." What stuck with me, besides the obvious, is that she didn't say "I like GETTING dirty." She said, "I like BEING dirty." I allow her to get dirty at home, but I always make her clean up right after. What she needs is to be allowed to BE dirty, no clean up required. Your bravery in going to a sweat lodge in the first place is compounded for me by the bravery to ultimately BE dirty, not just GET dirty. Thank you so much for sharing!
Brilliant distinction!
Definitely a critical mind shift for me!
Loved this! I'm glad that it was in print, too. For some reason, I rarely listen to audios.
I have done a few sweat lodges. INTENSE! I lived in NYC from 1969-1971, then, when my partner of the time got held up at gunpoint, we left the city for good. I've never missed it--nor have I been back. And I live very happily in a town of about 7,000 people. I'm 1.5 hrs from San Francisco if I require a big city.
I don’t miss NYC at all. My quiet life is precious to me. And there are plenty of opportunities to participate in my culturally rich community. I love my home. xo
What a lovely reflection and exploration of the illusion of control. I feel like I’ve been to my first sweat lodge.
Thanks, Debra. Love to you. xo
Seeing your name in my inbox makes me go ‘Yeyyyyyy!’. What a joy it is to read/listen to you on a Saturday with a tea. ☕️
That’s so nice to know. Thank you, Sheila. xo
Big laugh from me when you mentioned that everyone was wearing Birkenstocks....I bartended at a fancy bar in Seattle in the 90s where one of the cocktail waitresses was so disgusted by the local custom of wearing Birkenstocks everywhere. She referred to it as "sandalism" with great disdain, especially when combined with socks...
I'm glad you've embraced getting messy sometimes. Discernment suits you. I hope you've had an amazing weekend at Bookfest. 💖
Thanks, lovey. An update: I am now the ambivalent owner of 4 pair of Birks. Some are less unattractive than others. They kind of grow on you. But I have to say that they’re not as comfortable as I’d hoped. xoxo The weekend has been wonderful so far. xo