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Christina Lapastora's avatar

Wow! Your essay is beautiful and generous, and it scares the he'll out of me, precisely what I need right now. I've briefly met my inner children, but I have no clue what to do with them. I have a live daughter, and I'm a good mom to her; maybe, just maybe, I can embrace motherhood for my inner children, too. For the first time ever, I'm willing to try it. Bless you for this essay and the courage it gives me to move forward. Xo

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thank you, Christina. I needed to make this real for myself, and I'm still figuring it out, but I'm doing well. I decided to buy myself a locket, and I've had two of my favorite childhood photos of Little Nan laser-engraved inside. So I carry her with me intentionally, mindfully. It's a great gift to all the "me's!" xo

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Christina Lapastora's avatar

That's so precious and wonderful 💖, Nan! I can imagine how beautiful the locket is. I love lockets and used to collect them from various periods and places. Unfortunately, they were stolen, and I'm still heartbroken about it.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

That's a loss, for sure. I've never had one before and it seemed like a perfect way to take my little with me wherever I go. xo

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Lyns McCracken's avatar

This is so precious, Nan! Little Nan and teenage Nan are lucky to have you. My service is to my inner child at all costs so this post made me smile in a teary way. P.S. ice cream is my favorite food group too! 😋

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Nan Tepper's avatar

What are your favorite flavors? I love to know that about you and your little. Makes me love you even more! xo

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Lyns McCracken's avatar

It changes all the time. I like to mix vanilla with something more exciting. Right now it’s Ben and Jerry’s peanut butter half baked with Safeway brand homestyle vanilla. My favorite is Trader Joe’s French vanilla or Trader Joe’s cookie butter ice cream. Honestly I’ll eat any ice cream you give me! Equal opportunist!! 😄

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Nan Tepper's avatar

I'm more or less the same way as far as being an equal opportunist goes...I'm not a big fan of ice cream with stuff in it, except for things like fudge swirls, and soft blend-ins. Mint chocolate chip is acceptable, and every once in a while my childhood beckons and begs for sprinkles (rainbow only, please), the non-pareil kind, not the long skinny things that taste like wax. Ah, we are a complex breed, we who enjoy iced dairy (or non-dairy) deliciousness! So many options, so little time! xo

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Lyns McCracken's avatar

Yes exactly!! I love that 🍦honestly for me, less is more in terms of mix-ins. However you may be disappointed to learn that I am team wax sprinkle!! Hahahahaha

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Nan Tepper's avatar

I'm not disappointed, we're all different, it's okay. I'll try not to let that tidbit color (get it?) my opinion of you! xo

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Lyns McCracken's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Marguerite Hinojosa's avatar

Lovely! I know you are a great Loving Parent. You already know what your inner children need,and they will surprise you too. Thanks for this essay!

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks, Marguerite! I hope they do surprise me. I can learn a lot from my littles. xo

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Nancy Jainchill's avatar

Tender. And my guess is that many of us would do right by adopting our little girls.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thank you, Nancy. I would guess that all of us would do right by adopting our littles. Girls and boys alike. xo

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Nancy Jainchill's avatar

Yep.

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

Aww, Nan, this is so tender. I love your re-mothering voice, this "I’ve gone through so many changes over the last 10 years. It’s been slow-going, often painful, and always challenging. I’m learning to love myself, I’m learning to trust that I’m able to manage my life in a healthy, nurturing way."

I love your managerie of connection.

Inner child work is the hardest and most valuable work we can do to live a full, beautiful life together, as you are doing. Bravo, sister. Glad I came to listen in. Thank you. Big hug.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks, lovey! Big hug right back to you! xo

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Shawna Ayoub's avatar

Mothering ourselves is essential work. Thank you for sharing this piece of your process.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thank you, Shawna! Yes, it is. I'm happy to share it, it's working for me. xo

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Amanda Jaffe's avatar

You've got to take care of what matters, Nan! You! Thank you for putting it into words.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks for reading, Amanda. Yes, indeed. xo

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Debra Kelly's avatar

This is so very beautiful, Nan. I pictured you and Little Nan eating those peach cones as I listened to Bruno Mars. I wonder is she will like your favorite books and what new books you’ll discover together. Accepting the task of reparenting myself with much needed gentleness has been a great gift for me. I can see I’ll learn a lot from you on your mothering journey.

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

Hi Nan, I was so eager to listen to this, but for some reason it won’t load and I am doing the mothering thing right now. I was able to listen to Bruno Mars. I will come back. I can’t wait for this continuation. thank you, dear.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

I just checked it, and it doew work. Thanks for letting me know! xo

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

Must be my phone. I’ll be back.

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Mary LAVIGNE's avatar

I find this story very inspiring. I’m just starting on my journey to meet and reparent my inner children. The most prominent one is Little M, she is best guess 8 or 9, she has so much pain, fear and anger. When I react as her it always gets me in trouble.

This story gives me hope that I can learn to be a loving parent to Little M.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks for sharing that with me, Mary. You can do it. I know you can. So glad you read and commented. Sending love to you. xo

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Betsy Shaw's avatar

I tried to adopt myself a few times but I wouldn't have me as a parent. I'm kidding, sort of. This self love thing is an ongoing challenge. Why is it so hard?

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Nan Tepper's avatar

It sure is an ongoing challenge. But once embraced, it feels kind of amazing. I'm looking at it differently now. I'm excited to embrace the part of me that knows in my heart what is best for me. This feels like the next great adventure. Why is it hard? Well, what comes to mind is the years and years we're told we're not able to take care of ourselves, and we buy into the fear about losing something that we think we need. And really, I'm speaking for myself here. But why wouldn't you have YOU as a parent? I'm asking the part of you that isn't kidding? xo

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Micah van Schalkwyk's avatar

Love this! ❤️ Such a familiar conversation I've had with my own younger selves 💖

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks, Micah. Glad to know there's more of our brand of "mother" out there! xo

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Micah van Schalkwyk's avatar

Oh there are! Quietly whispering to our younger selves as we grocery shop 😉 xx

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Nan Tepper's avatar

What are you buying? xo

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Micah van Schalkwyk's avatar

Ooohhhh fresh carrots and kale (and might as well add whole trout), from the organic farm shop... Every kind of nut (walnuts and almonds are a fav tho), and brown bread flour and other 'fun' flours from the wholesale place... Rice noodles coz noodles are life. Maple syrup (I live in South Africa but I can get the real deal) - my monthly luxury... If we were shopping together, there would be ice cream 💯 what you got in your basket?

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Rhaine Della Bosca's avatar

Really beautiful Nan! And I love the collage!! xx ❤

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks, Rhaine! xo

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Kim Van Bruggen's avatar

When I realized I had no idea how to love myself, or little kimmy, it was my therapist that pointed out to me when I speak of the love, pure love, I have for my grandkids, THAT’S the kind of love I need to show little Kim. It was only then the penny dropped. “Oh!! That kind of love.”

This is fairly recent. (And kind of embarrassing given all the years of counselling I’ve done!)

Now, I have to call on Grandma Kim to come and shower the love and grace on my own little self. The healing is a work in progress. I think little Nan and little kimmy would’ve been fast friends. 🩷🤍🩷

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Yes! That kind of love. Exactly. And no need for embarrassment, I'd say. Humans can take a long time to get through to. Not just you, most of us! I love the idea of Grandma Kim. I'm sure you're right about our littles being pals. And then they'll grow into "bigs" and have that friendship be a lifelong one! xo Love you, Kim!

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Susan Kacvinsky's avatar

BTW, I love the collage. I spent some time zooming in on the individual photos. I'm glad to see your dad and all the shots of you. There's even one of your brother, I think! Very cool.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

I had fun putting that together. Sometimes I make collages the old fashioned way. I've been doing them for about 40 years. Acrylic paint, photo images, and words. Love doing them. And yes, that's my squishy, beautiful bro. He was the cutest kid ever. xo

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Susan Kacvinsky's avatar

You were pretty cute, too.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks. I agree! I loved my kid pix. xo

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Elizabeth Beggins's avatar

Wonderfully rendered story of personal acceptance, Nan. We should all be so aware of the younger versions of ourselves, recognizing when they're asking (sometimes impolitely) for the attention the deserve.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Thanks, Elizabeth. Indeed, sometimes they are impolite...and it's okay. I get it! xo

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