Very very grateful for your service of reading the trigger, and following through with the work of (ultimately) self love. It really is the little things for me that sometimes bring about big change in my heart. Also very grateful you have the courage to put this shit OUT here. I, for one need to hear it. ❤️🙃🫠😀❤️
Recognizing when we “slip” into our own self righteous behavior is so important and you take it w step further by owning it so publicly, Nan. That is brave as many do not. I also remember the lashon hara as a tenet of my behavior and try to catch it before it gets too far from repair. I noticed I was talking to a friend the other day complaining about another friend when I realized it makes me look so low to do this. I stopped myself and glad I did! It’s a waste of time.
Oh! Thank you for your comment, Shelley! And for owning your own slips that occur for many/most of us from time to time. Hopefully we become willing to be more and more honest about the places we can grow. xoxo
Thank you, Paulla. It's hard for sure, because embarrassment...BUT, embracing humility instead of focusing on being embarrassed or ashamed makes it much easier. Be willing to show up and do the next right thing is a blessing in my life. xoxo
Nan, thank you for this honest and vulnerable piece. I have to tell you that I have been, more than once, the person shouting and screaming, in public, over something completely outside of their control. I wish I could say I had the grace and humility to return and make amends. There were times when I did. But the shame I felt over my behavior was so profound that it drove me into a deeper well of self-hatred. Having learned more about the forces that drove these outbursts, I have learned to pause, and if possible, remove myself from the situation. It’s tough. But wow, you are such a great role model. Thank you, my friend.🙏
Thank you for your honest comments. I think in a way, a lot of us are shouting and screaming on the inside, and sometimes some us can't contain our thoughts, reacting to triggers instead of looking within. I'm learning (slowly) to pause and breathe, and not react. It takes practice. And the shame, yes. The embarrassment we might anticipate (and want to avoid) when we take responsibility for our actions can shut us down before we give ourselves the grace to do the next right thing. I welcome humility on a daily basis. It's a wonderful teacher. I was so relieved when I realized why I got so upset in the dentist's chair. It was actually a joyful moment. Then I got to think about all of it, go deep to understanding, and attempt to make things right. xoxo.
Oh, I like that version of the serenity prayer. It works all around, doesn't it.
You went full four-star Karen on that poor dental assistant, didn't ya? I've been there. That self-righteous anger that used to feel so empowering just feels shitty now. Your story reminds me of something that happened so long ago, I no longer remember what I said, but I do remember how I said it. In front of a store full of people. It took me months to go back and make amends the person I shot down didn't work there anymore. I believe amends should be made in kind. If you do something publicly, the amends should be just as public.
I made me amends to the rest of the store staff (and a few customers who were there) and hoped they would pass it along. That person did not deserve to be spoken to the way I did.
Months later, back in the same store, she was back. She'd been told about my amends, accepted it, I got to do a face-to-face. I'd love to say it was the last time I got on "my high horse" but it wasn't. The one good thing is that when my behavior is inacceptable, the time between the error and the amends is so much shorter. Sometimes, within the same sentence....
YES! The time shortens between mishaps and recognition, for sure. I am seeing that more and more. I think it has to do with learning the skill of pausing, and breathing, and stopping, and mulling, and not identifying with what comes my way in uncomfortable/challenging situations. And I definitely need to practice. I was going to use the "Karen" adjective in the essay, but I feel so sorry for anyone named Karen these days, and I have several beloved friends who carry that name. I really can be a privileged diva sometimes. I used to be much better at rationalizing the behaviors that go along with it. I can't anymore, and I'm to humble myself. It' also incredible what openings we can create when we show up authentically and take responsibility for our bullshit. Thanks for telling me that story, Jodi. Love to you. xoxo
Great post, Nan. I was having a conversation with a friend this morning about our ability, or in some cases, inability, to pause and reflect on our emotional reaction and triggered response to a person or situation. It's so brave to do so and when appropriate be accountable. You demonstrated that braveness.
Thank you, Paulette. My only regret in this instance is took me a couple of days to realize the root of it. And it was kind of a joyful moment for me. I was excited that I get to apologize and make it right, or as right it can be on my end.
Oh, Robin! Thank you so much for this generous comment. I love reading your work, as well. And thank you for your honesty here. This one was scary to post. I take my personal integrity very seriously. Revealing a not-so-evolved version of me, that reared her head recently, was a tough one, and I need to that. We all could do a lot better for ourselves and others with a whole lot more honesty and vulnerability that shows our common threads, our humanity, AND our growth when we live consciously. It's such an honor to write on this platform. I'm meeting so many like-minded people. xoxo
I used to have tremendous dentist anxiety, but worked hard to get over it. Most of my anxiety about dental work these days has to do with the COST, which is often outrageous. My gripe is that the dental lobby is and has been so effective that they've convinced us, by the aid of smoke and mirrors, and probably collusion with the insurance industry that our mouths and teeth are not a part of our bodies or our general need for healthcare. Biggest scam in my book. Don't get me started...I could write a book about my experiences in and out of dental offices. Luckily I landed with my current dentist who is a mensch and does all kinds of good work for his patients whether they have money or insurance to pay or if they are poor, and need a break. He's changed a lot of people's lives for the better. I hope he never retires, but he's 81, so it's inevitable that I'll need to find another one sooner or later. And yes, the comment by the assistant might have been a little okay, if she'd qualified it more specifically, but I already know the quality of the work I'd received previously, most of it good. But I'm good friends with this dentist's ex. We live in a small community, and word gets around. I've probably shot myself in the foot so many times because I opened my mouth and said something inappropriate. Real trust building behavior, NOT. xoxo
So....do you typically have anxiety going to the dentist to begin with? Lol. Great story. Maybe if she'd qualified the comment with "...was an excellent dentist but...." (because I would not want to start doubting whatever work I'd had done). All kidding aside, it's a good moment of introspection - and a good reminder all around.
Thanks for reading, Amy. I used to have tremendous dentist anxiety, but worked hard to get over it. Most of my anxiety about dental work these days has to do with the COST, which is often outrageous. My gripe is that the dental lobby is and has been so effective that they've convinced us, by the aid of smoke and mirrors, and probably collusion with the insurance industry that our mouths and teeth are not a part of our bodies or our general need for healthcare. Biggest scam in my book. Don't get me started...I could write a book about my experiences in and out of dental offices. Luckily I landed with my current dentist who is a mensch and does all kinds of good work for his patients whether they have money or insurance to pay or if they are poor, and need a break. He's changed a lot of people's lives for the better. I hope he never retires, but he's 81, so it's inevitable that I'll need to find another one sooner or later. And yes, the comment by the assistant might have been a little okay, if she'd qualified it more specifically, but I already know the quality of the work I'd received previously, most of it good. But I'm good friends with this dentist's ex. We live in a small community, and word gets around. I've probably shot myself in the foot so many times because I opened my mouth and said something inappropriate. Real trust building behavior, NOT. xoxo
And to be kind and respectful in a lot of cases, not have to "educate" people who might not be able to understand, but to act in a way that models what you want to convey. I was in a reactive state. It never works. I'm grateful that I was able to figure it out. Thanks for reading and commenting, Beth! xoxo
This really hit home for me today as I’ve been coming to terms with my less than stellar behavior earlier in the year and how it’s rippled back to me by the mirrors who were in front of me.. and are now no longer.
I feel regret and shame for my parts and have to really think about what inside me needs to face this and heal from it. The judge in my head wants to present the facts and justify everything, but the innermost part of me wants only to see it all for what it was/is and heal it. I’m not sure what that looks like yet, but I’m on my way to figuring it out ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your vulnerability, here and in your own writing. I believe that through our honesty we can heal ourselves and hopefully make a difference to the planet. Much love to you. We have to talk one of these days! xoxo
I love the kindness in your voice Nan. Your writing seems to reach deeper and deeper, serenity prayer is of great value to me — thank you!
My thanks to you for reflecting back to me what you see. It's truly a gift in and of itself. Sending you love and massive appreciation, Prajna! xoxo
Very very grateful for your service of reading the trigger, and following through with the work of (ultimately) self love. It really is the little things for me that sometimes bring about big change in my heart. Also very grateful you have the courage to put this shit OUT here. I, for one need to hear it. ❤️🙃🫠😀❤️
Thank you so much, Michelle! I love telling my stories and being in this amazing community. Have a wonderful day. xoxo
I like that version of the serenity prayer!
Me too! It’s my favorite.
Recognizing when we “slip” into our own self righteous behavior is so important and you take it w step further by owning it so publicly, Nan. That is brave as many do not. I also remember the lashon hara as a tenet of my behavior and try to catch it before it gets too far from repair. I noticed I was talking to a friend the other day complaining about another friend when I realized it makes me look so low to do this. I stopped myself and glad I did! It’s a waste of time.
Oh! Thank you for your comment, Shelley! And for owning your own slips that occur for many/most of us from time to time. Hopefully we become willing to be more and more honest about the places we can grow. xoxo
Fantastic piece about a profound life-lesson. Good for you for being willing to look in that mirror. Love you my brave friend.
Thank you, Nome. Love you, too, MY brave sister/cousin/friend! xoxo
Oof. Thanks for your transparency. I love that you went back with a different mindset but I imagine it wasn’t easy! 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you, Paulla. It's hard for sure, because embarrassment...BUT, embracing humility instead of focusing on being embarrassed or ashamed makes it much easier. Be willing to show up and do the next right thing is a blessing in my life. xoxo
Nan, thank you for this honest and vulnerable piece. I have to tell you that I have been, more than once, the person shouting and screaming, in public, over something completely outside of their control. I wish I could say I had the grace and humility to return and make amends. There were times when I did. But the shame I felt over my behavior was so profound that it drove me into a deeper well of self-hatred. Having learned more about the forces that drove these outbursts, I have learned to pause, and if possible, remove myself from the situation. It’s tough. But wow, you are such a great role model. Thank you, my friend.🙏
Thank you for your honest comments. I think in a way, a lot of us are shouting and screaming on the inside, and sometimes some us can't contain our thoughts, reacting to triggers instead of looking within. I'm learning (slowly) to pause and breathe, and not react. It takes practice. And the shame, yes. The embarrassment we might anticipate (and want to avoid) when we take responsibility for our actions can shut us down before we give ourselves the grace to do the next right thing. I welcome humility on a daily basis. It's a wonderful teacher. I was so relieved when I realized why I got so upset in the dentist's chair. It was actually a joyful moment. Then I got to think about all of it, go deep to understanding, and attempt to make things right. xoxo.
Oh, I like that version of the serenity prayer. It works all around, doesn't it.
You went full four-star Karen on that poor dental assistant, didn't ya? I've been there. That self-righteous anger that used to feel so empowering just feels shitty now. Your story reminds me of something that happened so long ago, I no longer remember what I said, but I do remember how I said it. In front of a store full of people. It took me months to go back and make amends the person I shot down didn't work there anymore. I believe amends should be made in kind. If you do something publicly, the amends should be just as public.
I made me amends to the rest of the store staff (and a few customers who were there) and hoped they would pass it along. That person did not deserve to be spoken to the way I did.
Months later, back in the same store, she was back. She'd been told about my amends, accepted it, I got to do a face-to-face. I'd love to say it was the last time I got on "my high horse" but it wasn't. The one good thing is that when my behavior is inacceptable, the time between the error and the amends is so much shorter. Sometimes, within the same sentence....
YES! The time shortens between mishaps and recognition, for sure. I am seeing that more and more. I think it has to do with learning the skill of pausing, and breathing, and stopping, and mulling, and not identifying with what comes my way in uncomfortable/challenging situations. And I definitely need to practice. I was going to use the "Karen" adjective in the essay, but I feel so sorry for anyone named Karen these days, and I have several beloved friends who carry that name. I really can be a privileged diva sometimes. I used to be much better at rationalizing the behaviors that go along with it. I can't anymore, and I'm to humble myself. It' also incredible what openings we can create when we show up authentically and take responsibility for our bullshit. Thanks for telling me that story, Jodi. Love to you. xoxo
Great post, Nan. I was having a conversation with a friend this morning about our ability, or in some cases, inability, to pause and reflect on our emotional reaction and triggered response to a person or situation. It's so brave to do so and when appropriate be accountable. You demonstrated that braveness.
Thank you, Paulette. My only regret in this instance is took me a couple of days to realize the root of it. And it was kind of a joyful moment for me. I was excited that I get to apologize and make it right, or as right it can be on my end.
You did it though!
And, I didn’t intentionally leave the …in my initial comment. Isn’t that kind of a fun happenstance after our conversation last week.
Yes...xoxo!
Your writing always has something to offer me, Nan! Today, I see myself reflected in that same mirror. 😳 Thanks for this vulnerable, relatable piece!
Oh, Robin! Thank you so much for this generous comment. I love reading your work, as well. And thank you for your honesty here. This one was scary to post. I take my personal integrity very seriously. Revealing a not-so-evolved version of me, that reared her head recently, was a tough one, and I need to that. We all could do a lot better for ourselves and others with a whole lot more honesty and vulnerability that shows our common threads, our humanity, AND our growth when we live consciously. It's such an honor to write on this platform. I'm meeting so many like-minded people. xoxo
I used to have tremendous dentist anxiety, but worked hard to get over it. Most of my anxiety about dental work these days has to do with the COST, which is often outrageous. My gripe is that the dental lobby is and has been so effective that they've convinced us, by the aid of smoke and mirrors, and probably collusion with the insurance industry that our mouths and teeth are not a part of our bodies or our general need for healthcare. Biggest scam in my book. Don't get me started...I could write a book about my experiences in and out of dental offices. Luckily I landed with my current dentist who is a mensch and does all kinds of good work for his patients whether they have money or insurance to pay or if they are poor, and need a break. He's changed a lot of people's lives for the better. I hope he never retires, but he's 81, so it's inevitable that I'll need to find another one sooner or later. And yes, the comment by the assistant might have been a little okay, if she'd qualified it more specifically, but I already know the quality of the work I'd received previously, most of it good. But I'm good friends with this dentist's ex. We live in a small community, and word gets around. I've probably shot myself in the foot so many times because I opened my mouth and said something inappropriate. Real trust building behavior, NOT. xoxo
So....do you typically have anxiety going to the dentist to begin with? Lol. Great story. Maybe if she'd qualified the comment with "...was an excellent dentist but...." (because I would not want to start doubting whatever work I'd had done). All kidding aside, it's a good moment of introspection - and a good reminder all around.
Thanks for reading, Amy. I used to have tremendous dentist anxiety, but worked hard to get over it. Most of my anxiety about dental work these days has to do with the COST, which is often outrageous. My gripe is that the dental lobby is and has been so effective that they've convinced us, by the aid of smoke and mirrors, and probably collusion with the insurance industry that our mouths and teeth are not a part of our bodies or our general need for healthcare. Biggest scam in my book. Don't get me started...I could write a book about my experiences in and out of dental offices. Luckily I landed with my current dentist who is a mensch and does all kinds of good work for his patients whether they have money or insurance to pay or if they are poor, and need a break. He's changed a lot of people's lives for the better. I hope he never retires, but he's 81, so it's inevitable that I'll need to find another one sooner or later. And yes, the comment by the assistant might have been a little okay, if she'd qualified it more specifically, but I already know the quality of the work I'd received previously, most of it good. But I'm good friends with this dentist's ex. We live in a small community, and word gets around. I've probably shot myself in the foot so many times because I opened my mouth and said something inappropriate. Real trust building behavior, NOT. xoxo
Such a beautiful reminder to breathe and be curious and not to sweat the small stuff. 🙏🏼
And to be kind and respectful in a lot of cases, not have to "educate" people who might not be able to understand, but to act in a way that models what you want to convey. I was in a reactive state. It never works. I'm grateful that I was able to figure it out. Thanks for reading and commenting, Beth! xoxo
This really hit home for me today as I’ve been coming to terms with my less than stellar behavior earlier in the year and how it’s rippled back to me by the mirrors who were in front of me.. and are now no longer.
I feel regret and shame for my parts and have to really think about what inside me needs to face this and heal from it. The judge in my head wants to present the facts and justify everything, but the innermost part of me wants only to see it all for what it was/is and heal it. I’m not sure what that looks like yet, but I’m on my way to figuring it out ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for helping me feel seen ❤️
Thank you so much for your vulnerability, here and in your own writing. I believe that through our honesty we can heal ourselves and hopefully make a difference to the planet. Much love to you. We have to talk one of these days! xoxo
Hi Nan,
I loved this story. I can so relate. Thanks for sharing
Thank you, Barbara! xoxo
Love your honesty! Xx
Thanks, Ann! Love you. xoxo