Congratulations Nan! I went through Outpatient Recovery exactly a year ago too, and I never really thought about my eating disorder as an escape from my feelings. It’s been a long journey, but it’s worth having our lives back. I love reading about your journey as it mirrors so much of my own. Sending love!
Thank you, Danielle! I'm so happy you were able to go to IOP and get the help you needed to recover. It's such an important gift we give ourselves. I appreciate that you've read it!
thank you so much for this honest, harrowing and hope-giving description of your healing journey to this point. Your writing reaches me, touches me, makes me cry and then immediately makes me laugh again. It blows you away and lifts you up again. Thank you for your courage and clarity. And I thank the fate that brought us together, the probability of which is hardly greater than the probability of evolution producing an okapi. Your happy and grateful sponsee Ina
Wonderful writing. I think food is harder than alcohol or smoking as you don't quit it ..you must have a relationship with it and yourself and work on it a lot. And be ok with a rather broad definition of balance. Looking at your eating from a distance rather than always up close. I wish you really well .
Your observation and opinion is spot on. We can't abstain from food, that's for sure. I'm making very conscious changes to what I put into my body. It makes a huge difference, whether I lose weight or not. My relationship with food is shifting dramatically. It feels very peaceful from this new vantage point. Thanks for reading and commenting, Sophie!
30+ year 12 stepper, still abstinate...but no longer a meeting go-er as the rigid thinking was not working for me. It was so comforting to read those promises again. I hadn't heard them for so long... I had to read them outloud to myself. check check and more checks. I am happy, joyous and free!
So much of what you wrote here resonates. Thank you for sharing your experience so vulnerably with the rest of us. I know I am not alone in my experiences, but to see other writers share in detail so much of what I have lived truly reinforces how connected we are in our pain 💛
Thank you, Danielle. I appreciate our connection. We are connected in having compassion for the pain we've experienced in our lives, but I also want to be connected in the joy! xoxo
There are things I do (or try to do) daily.... and daily can be hard. The sheer commitment that your year of meetings shows is amazing. Congratulations on the year and on the ways in which you've taken ownership and found new clarity. This is a hard one for me to comment on, so many of us have gone up and down this way. Your story is inspiring, and I am glad you found a group and a mindset that really worked for you. These lines, powerful: "I’d hidden myself long enough, by physically isolating, and covering my body in layers of fat and baggy clothing. I kept my camera on, uncomfortable as it was to look at myself and to be seen, and I raised my hand to share."
Thanks, Amy. It's part of the rhythm of my day, the same as my morning cup of coffee, my NYT puzzles. The meeting is nourishing on many levels. I've come to expect the company of amazing people every morning. Even when I don't necessarily want to be there, I always want to be there. I kind of feel the same way about being in the Substack community. I receive different gifts from each. There's awful lot of bounty when I: 1. Relax and let it appear, and 2. Pay attention for the messengers, because they're everywhere! xoxo
Thanks, Amy. My therapist taught me that. About the messengers. It helps me know that everything that crosses my path can be an opportunity for growth, if I'm present. xoxo
Beautiful. Honest. Congratulations, not on making the arbitrary year, but on getting to the place where you can be this honest and direct. Brave. Lifesaving, for you and for someone who isn’t there yet, you are, as out people like to say, “a power of example.”
Thank you, Jodi. I appreciate your words. It doesn't work for me to hide or not share my experience. I want to support people in their recovery work. It helps me support my own. No more secrets. Just wise discernment as the goal. xoxo
Dear Nan, I hear you. As an eating-disordered woman, I empathize and am inspired by you. My acute struggle is long past, but the lingering affects are with me all the time, every day. Love from here. Bar
Hi, Bar! I'm glad to hear that you've experienced relief and release, and yes, I think things like this stay with us, for good or for ill. Staying conscious is key for me. Thank you for reading and commenting. Lots of love to you!
Outstanding piece, Nan. You are doing such fine work here. Each piece is filled with what we seek in essays—truth and the heart’s revelation—beautifully written. Thanks for your work. It is more than inspiring, it is healing.
So delighted for you. Thank you for sharing your journey!
Thank you, Kim! xoxo
Congratulations Nan! I went through Outpatient Recovery exactly a year ago too, and I never really thought about my eating disorder as an escape from my feelings. It’s been a long journey, but it’s worth having our lives back. I love reading about your journey as it mirrors so much of my own. Sending love!
Thank you, Danielle! I'm so happy you were able to go to IOP and get the help you needed to recover. It's such an important gift we give ourselves. I appreciate that you've read it!
Dear Nan,
thank you so much for this honest, harrowing and hope-giving description of your healing journey to this point. Your writing reaches me, touches me, makes me cry and then immediately makes me laugh again. It blows you away and lifts you up again. Thank you for your courage and clarity. And I thank the fate that brought us together, the probability of which is hardly greater than the probability of evolution producing an okapi. Your happy and grateful sponsee Ina
Love you very much, Ina. Thank you, as always for your commitment, honesty, generosity, and wonderful sense of humor. You're so very dear to me.
Wonderful writing. I think food is harder than alcohol or smoking as you don't quit it ..you must have a relationship with it and yourself and work on it a lot. And be ok with a rather broad definition of balance. Looking at your eating from a distance rather than always up close. I wish you really well .
I wholeheartedly agree with this. You can’t give up food cold turkey, you need it to survive in a way you don’t need other substances.
Your observation and opinion is spot on. We can't abstain from food, that's for sure. I'm making very conscious changes to what I put into my body. It makes a huge difference, whether I lose weight or not. My relationship with food is shifting dramatically. It feels very peaceful from this new vantage point. Thanks for reading and commenting, Sophie!
So. Much. Respect.
Here’s to THiS day.
To Nan’s day, to Our day.
What a gift, all. ❤️❤️🩹🫶🏻
Thank you, Michelle! I have definitely been in celebration mode!
Vulnerable, courageous, admirable. xo
Thanks, Nancy. And the only thing that was left to do, as I see it. xoxo
30+ year 12 stepper, still abstinate...but no longer a meeting go-er as the rigid thinking was not working for me. It was so comforting to read those promises again. I hadn't heard them for so long... I had to read them outloud to myself. check check and more checks. I am happy, joyous and free!
Aren't the Promises wonderful? I say them every day. I am happy for you! Thank you for reading, Sandra, and for commenting. Be well! xoxo
I’m so happy for you, Nan!! Keep going!! 😍😍😍
Thank you, Mesa! I'm in! xoxo
So much of what you wrote here resonates. Thank you for sharing your experience so vulnerably with the rest of us. I know I am not alone in my experiences, but to see other writers share in detail so much of what I have lived truly reinforces how connected we are in our pain 💛
Thank you, Danielle. I appreciate our connection. We are connected in having compassion for the pain we've experienced in our lives, but I also want to be connected in the joy! xoxo
Absolutely!
I'm glad we agree!
Wow...I am speechless. But wanted you to know you aren't alone.
Respect...from an old time alanoner...be blessed.
Thank you, Diana. It's been a wonderful year. We sure aren't alone! So many of us.
xoxo.
Reading about your healing is so very inspiring. Grateful for this freedom road we are on! Thx a million for sharing your story!
Thank you, Pamela! It is pretty amazing, isn't it? xoxo
There are things I do (or try to do) daily.... and daily can be hard. The sheer commitment that your year of meetings shows is amazing. Congratulations on the year and on the ways in which you've taken ownership and found new clarity. This is a hard one for me to comment on, so many of us have gone up and down this way. Your story is inspiring, and I am glad you found a group and a mindset that really worked for you. These lines, powerful: "I’d hidden myself long enough, by physically isolating, and covering my body in layers of fat and baggy clothing. I kept my camera on, uncomfortable as it was to look at myself and to be seen, and I raised my hand to share."
Thanks, Amy. It's part of the rhythm of my day, the same as my morning cup of coffee, my NYT puzzles. The meeting is nourishing on many levels. I've come to expect the company of amazing people every morning. Even when I don't necessarily want to be there, I always want to be there. I kind of feel the same way about being in the Substack community. I receive different gifts from each. There's awful lot of bounty when I: 1. Relax and let it appear, and 2. Pay attention for the messengers, because they're everywhere! xoxo
Keeping eyes open for the messengers…. yes. ♥ You bring such wonderful energy here — and I’m sure your group feels that way, too.
Thanks, Amy. My therapist taught me that. About the messengers. It helps me know that everything that crosses my path can be an opportunity for growth, if I'm present. xoxo
Beautiful. Honest. Congratulations, not on making the arbitrary year, but on getting to the place where you can be this honest and direct. Brave. Lifesaving, for you and for someone who isn’t there yet, you are, as out people like to say, “a power of example.”
Thank you, Jodi. I appreciate your words. It doesn't work for me to hide or not share my experience. I want to support people in their recovery work. It helps me support my own. No more secrets. Just wise discernment as the goal. xoxo
Thank you for sharing. Your writing comes from the good place, your heart. 🥹
Thank you, for your lovely comment! My writing does indeed come from my heart. xoxo
Dear Nan, I hear you. As an eating-disordered woman, I empathize and am inspired by you. My acute struggle is long past, but the lingering affects are with me all the time, every day. Love from here. Bar
Hi, Bar! I'm glad to hear that you've experienced relief and release, and yes, I think things like this stay with us, for good or for ill. Staying conscious is key for me. Thank you for reading and commenting. Lots of love to you!
Outstanding piece, Nan. You are doing such fine work here. Each piece is filled with what we seek in essays—truth and the heart’s revelation—beautifully written. Thanks for your work. It is more than inspiring, it is healing.
Oh, Nick. That means so much to me. Thank you for telling me. I feel like I'm finding my wings. It's so amazing to start living fully. xoxo