Thx as always nan for sharing your humanity and your journey. My inner child and teen need so much tender care and reassurance. One day at a time hoping they will grow to trust that there will be enough for them. So grateful for you and this community of beautiful humans!!
This is a beautiful read Nan! I dropped alcohol like you did cigarettes (also dropped cigarettes but I still romanticize them in my mind!)
I live at the crossroads with sugar, bread being more my thing. Learning that I CAN trust myself around both, but I still keep sugar sugar as a red flag food because I KNOW I "use" it in a way that isn't always helpful.
I love the idea of taking one day at a time and finding balance... it's the hardest part isn't it?
Hi! Thank you so much for reading. I just looked to see who you are, and I know you! I'm so glad you stopped by. What a pleasure. If you're interested and want to explore, I've written other essays about my relationship with my disordered eating, my relationship with food, and then...there's the rest of my life! And a capital YES to finding balance. xoxo
Nan, may you embrace your individual journey of exploring life without "sugar". Letting go, surrendering, is NOT about will power. Nooo, as my will eventually, always, gives way for sure. Only in Gods strength I realize again and again is my freedom found. Reliance on God for me is my need. Adult Patty needs God's hand, HIS strength enabling me to nurture little Patty, yes, absolutely. I am embarking on surrendering myself to many things too. Thank you for sharing and thank you for allowing me to share too. You are deeply loved Nan! Big, big hugs!!
41 years in recovery, Nan, and I am still growing meals and goodies in my head. I love your column - a. because you're wonderful and a wonderful writer, and b. because I feel less alone when I read it. _()_ xoxo
You’re right, Amy. This is about so much more than food/not food. This is about my whole life. I love Little Nan and it’s my responsibility to take really good care of her. We’re on our way! Thank you as always for your kind, thoughtful, and generous words. They mean a lot to me.
A brave post, Nan.... one so many of us can relate to in our own ways. I hope that writing this and putting it out there is also empowering. Whether today is day 1 or day 50 or day 1 again, a lot of people are behind you. But from your words, I know that, really, this journey has more to do with the big and little Nan. Your awareness of this split and the power imbalance is inspiring. Hoping for a peaceful and freeing wholeness.
I hear you, Nan. Sitting in the uncomfortable feelings is so hard, and giving up a substance that numbs the discomfort, however temporarily, is no easy feat. I am glad you’re facing this challenge one day at a time. I will try to remember to return to this post when I reach for wine or cookies for the wrong reasons.
Dear Nan, I can so relate to everything you're saying here. I, too, have walked that same path over my life and been through so many different hoops that they're hard to count. Ultimately, I adore your final path and find it one that soothes me in almost any challenge I have with myself. Compassion. Loving that little girl that just yearns for something "more" - that undescribed feeling (of wholeness?) - not sure exactly what that yearning yearns for, but it's something evasive.
At this age (73) I have to stop and reflect with myself - "am I finally enough?" - and when I really look at who I am now (not just all I've accomplished, but who I am) I see and feel a woman who IS enough. (And I know, so are YOU!) So congratulations on reaching this point in your journey where the wise woman that you are can now take all those parts of you by the hand and walk together into a nourishing now.
I love this Mary Anne, and I love you. Thank you for this very meaningful comment. Connection to our inner selves is so crucial for a good life. I'm so lucky to be doing this work. Big hugs!
So honest, brave, beautifully written and powerful. Your determination and clarity shine. I'm so glad you are facing the need to stop poisoning yourself one day at a time--otherwise it's overwhelming and paralyzing. IKYK. Just one quibble: Little Nan will never willingly "hand over the reins." Adult Nan will have to TAKE them and keep them and withstand Little Nan's kicking and screaming--maybe forever. And she can. She has the tools and the support. Thank you for sharing your remarkable, courageous work with the world. We all are better for it. Brava!
I love that! It's a much gentler approach and probably more likely to be successful long-term--for little Nan to learn that she's safe... Adult Nan is capable and has got this. xoxo
Thx as always nan for sharing your humanity and your journey. My inner child and teen need so much tender care and reassurance. One day at a time hoping they will grow to trust that there will be enough for them. So grateful for you and this community of beautiful humans!!
Thank you for reading, Pamela. Your comments mean so much to me.
This is a beautiful read Nan! I dropped alcohol like you did cigarettes (also dropped cigarettes but I still romanticize them in my mind!)
I live at the crossroads with sugar, bread being more my thing. Learning that I CAN trust myself around both, but I still keep sugar sugar as a red flag food because I KNOW I "use" it in a way that isn't always helpful.
I love the idea of taking one day at a time and finding balance... it's the hardest part isn't it?
Lovely to connect with you here! xo
Hi! Thank you so much for reading. I just looked to see who you are, and I know you! I'm so glad you stopped by. What a pleasure. If you're interested and want to explore, I've written other essays about my relationship with my disordered eating, my relationship with food, and then...there's the rest of my life! And a capital YES to finding balance. xoxo
Nan, may you embrace your individual journey of exploring life without "sugar". Letting go, surrendering, is NOT about will power. Nooo, as my will eventually, always, gives way for sure. Only in Gods strength I realize again and again is my freedom found. Reliance on God for me is my need. Adult Patty needs God's hand, HIS strength enabling me to nurture little Patty, yes, absolutely. I am embarking on surrendering myself to many things too. Thank you for sharing and thank you for allowing me to share too. You are deeply loved Nan! Big, big hugs!!
Thank you, Patty. You are deeply loved, too. xoxo
41 years in recovery, Nan, and I am still growing meals and goodies in my head. I love your column - a. because you're wonderful and a wonderful writer, and b. because I feel less alone when I read it. _()_ xoxo
Oh, Billie. XO.
You’re right, Amy. This is about so much more than food/not food. This is about my whole life. I love Little Nan and it’s my responsibility to take really good care of her. We’re on our way! Thank you as always for your kind, thoughtful, and generous words. They mean a lot to me.
A brave post, Nan.... one so many of us can relate to in our own ways. I hope that writing this and putting it out there is also empowering. Whether today is day 1 or day 50 or day 1 again, a lot of people are behind you. But from your words, I know that, really, this journey has more to do with the big and little Nan. Your awareness of this split and the power imbalance is inspiring. Hoping for a peaceful and freeing wholeness.
Enjoying the voice over. You have a great voice.
Thanks Jodi! I love reading these essays. Working on getting a podcast version together.
Thank you, Andrea!
You can do this! As you said - you are not alone - and may I add "One Day At A Time."
Winky emoji
So proud of you, Nan! You are worthy and inspiring!
Thanks, Lynn! Sending you love.
I am with you! 100%! Your sharing your truth so honestly is courageous and brave! Good for you! I love this essay and I love you.
Thank you, Joy! This is quite the journey.
I can't get over that you just threw the pack of cigarettes away. That was one tough break for me. You'll get this one too. xo
It was an amazing experience, and it still blows my mind. It was effortless, after many years of trying and failing. I'm not giving up. xoxo
I honor your candor. I support your courage in breaking the shackles. A marvelously wrenching read.
Thanks, Jay.
I hear you, Nan. Sitting in the uncomfortable feelings is so hard, and giving up a substance that numbs the discomfort, however temporarily, is no easy feat. I am glad you’re facing this challenge one day at a time. I will try to remember to return to this post when I reach for wine or cookies for the wrong reasons.
Thank you, Meryl! xoxo
Dear Nan, I can so relate to everything you're saying here. I, too, have walked that same path over my life and been through so many different hoops that they're hard to count. Ultimately, I adore your final path and find it one that soothes me in almost any challenge I have with myself. Compassion. Loving that little girl that just yearns for something "more" - that undescribed feeling (of wholeness?) - not sure exactly what that yearning yearns for, but it's something evasive.
At this age (73) I have to stop and reflect with myself - "am I finally enough?" - and when I really look at who I am now (not just all I've accomplished, but who I am) I see and feel a woman who IS enough. (And I know, so are YOU!) So congratulations on reaching this point in your journey where the wise woman that you are can now take all those parts of you by the hand and walk together into a nourishing now.
-beautifully said!
I love this Mary Anne, and I love you. Thank you for this very meaningful comment. Connection to our inner selves is so crucial for a good life. I'm so lucky to be doing this work. Big hugs!
So honest, brave, beautifully written and powerful. Your determination and clarity shine. I'm so glad you are facing the need to stop poisoning yourself one day at a time--otherwise it's overwhelming and paralyzing. IKYK. Just one quibble: Little Nan will never willingly "hand over the reins." Adult Nan will have to TAKE them and keep them and withstand Little Nan's kicking and screaming--maybe forever. And she can. She has the tools and the support. Thank you for sharing your remarkable, courageous work with the world. We all are better for it. Brava!
Thanks! You're probably right about the reins, but Adult Nan is working on building trust with her. It's slow, but it's coming. xoxo
I love that! It's a much gentler approach and probably more likely to be successful long-term--for little Nan to learn that she's safe... Adult Nan is capable and has got this. xoxo