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Amy Cowen's avatar

I would be there in the back row with you, probably in an oversized fleece jacket, even if it was 80 out. I don’t have the same history as you — but I definitely have a history with these issues. I’m definitely on the wrong side of things now - and it has a hugely negative impact on how I feel. It’s definitely complicated. I’m sorry about the punchline at the reading. I think she deserved to be called out or pulled aside for a note. Even if you were totally confident and at peace with yourself right now and sitting in the front row, it wouldn’t make the joke okay — your outrage at the inappropriateness of the joke, in other words, isn’t necessarily a sign that you aren’t doing the right work right now. I’m sure this may come across wrongly. I’m not discounting that you know yourself, where you are, and the work you are doing and need to do. I’m just feeling like you’re taking on the blame here…. And you shouldn’t.

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Holly Starley's avatar

Nan, when I think of you, I think of joi de vivre and sparkling gorgeous eyes and this beautiful combination of playfulness and wisdom and style. Which is to say you’re beautiful.

And I appreciate you sharing this story, your experience. The fat spanking bit pisses me off. “Humor” that shames sucks. Period. The “playful” “light” shaming of women’s bodies, specifically related to weight, was weaved into my youth. And it continues to make me irate.

I love how beautifully woven patience is here. How you’re giving both yourself and others that grace by sharing. 💕

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