How did I miss this column (until now) about one of my very favorite childhood books? And Aunt Lily is back! I love seeing her handwriting. Can't believe you played in Carl Schurz Park, just like Harriet. (As a Chicago kid, Harriet's NYC environs were entirely abstract to me until adulthood. Carl Schurz Park could have been a made-up name.)
It's wonderful how we take exactly what we need from good childhood books. I hated pants (not sure why) and could not understand why Harriet wanted to dress in them and a hoodie, and to my great unhappiness I had to get glasses at age 6, so I DEFINITELY didn't understand why she wanted to wear glasses, but the diary??? I was ALL OVER that idea.
Yup. It's true. I wanted everything about Harriet, except her parents. I was grateful for mine when I compared. Harriet's parents were MIA almost all the time. And from what I've researched (yes, I've researched) Louise Fitzhugh lived a few blocks away from me and was in the neighborhood when I was. I have fantasies of her seeing me on the street and bending down to chat with me. Not that she'd have to bend too far, she was quite petite. I love the idea of us being in the hood at the same time. A fantasy connection for sure, but a very strong and intentional one. Have I told you about or shown you the Harriet tattoo that now lives on my arm? I got it in December. My muse! Also, this is one of my first pieces. I'm going back and recording the older ones since there are probably a lot of subscribers who've missed them because I've got more readers now. I figured I'd put them to good use. I love recording them! xo Did you know about the townhouse that was up for sale that was Harriet's house? A whole bunch of us (Nina Shengold included) wanted to pool our money and buy it. Another fantasy!
Wowsa. I never imagined Harriet's house as so grand. I imagined just a regular apartment. Too bad your plan didn't go through. A mere 6 million dollars!
Yes, a drop in the bucket...if you're not me! Yes, she lived way upstairs with Ole Golly, and the kitchen was way downstairs. I was surprised and thrilled when that article came out!
I love this homage to Harriet one of our great storybook girl heroines and how in finding her, you found yourself. The diagnosis of epilepsy must have been so terrifying and disorienting to you as a child. It is true that parents of the 1960s did not talk openly with their children about their medical conditions, adding to that sense of fear & isolation. But look how self-resourced you were at a young age. That’s pretty remarkable. And you had your wonderful Aunt Lily. That inscription is so lovely.
Hi Amy, yes. I remember people didn't talk about any illness openly. I remember my grandmother once whispering about a friend who was ill. I later found out the friend had cancer. My grandmother referred to it as "the rock." I've never heard that from anyone else. And I did figure out some things. Other things eluded me until much later in life. When I was seeing doctors after the first seizure, I remember one of them slapping an X-ray of my skull on a lightbox. When he told me that the image was me, I was terrified. It was so startling, all I could think of was a dead person. Ah, the good old days! xo
Such vivid details you remember! I also think parents back then felt shame, as if the child’s condition was their fault. I know my great aunt felt this way about my cousin’s type 2 diabetes. It was never to be spoken of or acknowledged and yet it cast a shadow over the family as any secret will.
Oh, Nan - we've talked about Harriet before, but this is a new perspective. Such fond memories of that "awakening" to the possibility of writing and observing and finding our true natures. Thanks for sharing this, it's precious and a little sad, but look at you now. 😘🤓💛
Thanks, Troy! It is a little sad––my life was somewhat bittersweet for a very long time, but yes, look at me now! My life has expanded in so many ways. Big hugs to you, my dear friend. xo
I was a fat kid in elementary school. I remember when I got weighed in gym, my (large) gym teacher saw my embarrassment and said, "Hey, I weighed that when I was born!" I'm 77, and I'll never forget that.
You have overcome so many traumatic moments from that time in your life. Do we ever completely get over them, or do we learn to disempower them by focusing on our strengths and blessings? If that makes me brave or courageous, then I, like you, learned it in 12-Step recovery.
Oh, boy. What a thing to say to a child. People are so stupid sometimes. And it stayed with you all these years, which I totally get. That stuff sticks. Bless the 12 Steps and the recovery community for teaching me to live fully. Happy, joyous, and free. xo
I love this story. I was a tad awkward as well, probably still am 😆I don’t know the book, though l loved Enid Blyton books and have kept them all, inscribed by my mother. I was also diagnosed with epilepsy when l was in grade 3 and too felt stigma around it. I escaped into The Magic Faraway Tree. By the end of grade 8, l was weaned off what started as 7 tablets a day and never had any more seizures. Thank you for sharing 😊🙏
Thank you, Simone. I was weaned off my epilepsy drugs too, at 18, and told I’d grown out of it. I was fine for 20 years and then a medication I was taking for depression (and came with a warning about people with a seizure history) triggered seizures and I went back on meds. I’m allergic to most epilepsy meds but found one that is better than nothing. I’ve been seizure free for 9 years, thankfully. You should check out Harriet. She’s a great read for adults, too! xo
Thank you so much for sharing 🙏 it feels like you gave me an intimate tour in your “closet” and shared such deeply touching aspects of your childhood that many can relate to. I appreciate it a lot.
It’s an absolute pleasure 😍 and I’m so grateful you shared the wonderful advice with me to post an audio file together with the article! I was still so new here and didn’t realize what a big difference that makes!
HUGE difference. And then you can start a podcast, which I just did in January. So now, I record two stories a week. A new one and one from my archive. The older stuff is on the podcast. Since I didn't have as many subscribers as I do now, a year later, a lot of my older essays are new for a lot of people! I'm very busy here at Substack, and loving every minute of it. xo
I'm so sorry to hear about your epilepsy, Nan. I can only imagine how frightening that was as a young child. I hope it's now under control. My Father had epilepsy but I wasn't told about it until after I got married at 18 and left home. I knew he had "spells" sometimes while sitting in his chair in the living room, but my Mother said he was just sleeping funny. I saw a couple of Grand Mal seizures but didn't know what was happening until I asked my Mother what the initials GM on our wall calendar meant. She initially said it stood for "Got Mad" and that made sense as he was often angry. She finally told me what it truly meant, Grand Mal, after I left home. Keep writing your fascinating stories, they are so compelling.
Thank you, Taru. I was pretty lucky, my epilepsy has never been terrible, especially in later life. It's a blessing, because I'm allergic to almost all the seizure meds, but I take something that keeps me seizure-free. There was an enormous stigma regarding epilepsy, I'm sure worse when your dad experienced it than when I did. Thank you for your good wishes, and for reading and commenting. Much love to you. xo
This is such a wonderful story, I really enjoyed hearing about little Nan, where the name came from and how you came to be a writer. What a bundle of enjoyment ☺️
It's in the photo collage! I'm always happy to show people my tats! And if you haven't read this story, it's one I wrote about all of my tats (pre-Harriet)...here it is: https://nantepper.com/p/tattoo-you
I love the tattoo one! Thank you for sharing 😁 I really love your tattoos. I noticed the comma one in your photo, why did you choose the red comma? I love that it’s 32 and the alternating pattern. I’m a real meaning behind tattoos person and I so enjoy hearing the story. Your body is a book this way 📖
You're welcome! The one comma is actually hot pink, which is the brand color I use for all of my creative ventures. It was my brand color for my design business, and then The Next Write Thing, and then Style Your Stack. I wanted to incorporate it. It's also in the Hineni tattoo as dot for i's!
I noticed that! I really enjoyed that detail. I notice that you're a detail-orientated person and I'm all here for it. Oh yeah, I'm on my laptop today rather than my phone and opened the photo fully, I see it's hot pink.
I feel inspired to write about my tattoos, they say so much about a person I think. You are illustrated and turned the body into a book with story prompts.
Like you I was an outcast, I didn't fit in, it was hell. I was excruciatingly different from my contemporaries. I found Harriet with my kids (your contemporaries) loved her and have preferred tomato sandwiches every since. I became a writer at 75 (it wasn't too late.) I love this piece. Definitely the Write Thing.
Thank God for children's literature! When I was 6 Mrs. Piggle Wiggle loved unconditionally. I wallowed in her warmth. Then came Pippi Longstocking who could be all and do all that was necessary. I learned self-sufficiency. Like you, Nan, I escaped into the world of words and never left. I see you in Harriet; and hope you appreciate the fact that there are so many reasons she's been loved for decades.
This is a very superficial comment to your thoughtful piece about your difficult childhood, but it felt very strange to be reading this on the London tube this morning (on my way to my weekly yoga class. I lived at 544 East 86th st 1951-59 and spent ages in Carl Schurz park, walking the family dog - so I was completely there with you in the NYC part. Odd that you later moved to the Catskills, which I also know (but different parts). I never hear anyone talking about that park these days.
PS. While you are on my mind, my post this Wednesday is based on one of my interviews with people with HIV/AIDS. It’s with a very charming guy from Northern Ireland focusing on the concept of stigma (not a million miles away from your post!)
Hey Ann, that's so cool, that you lived there. I loved that park, and have so many memories. Louise Fitzhugh, the author of the book also lived in that neighborhood, while I was a child there. The house that Harriet "lived" in went on the market about 4 years ago. A bunch of friends who all loved Harriet, fantasized about pooling our money and buying the townhouse...never came to pass, but what a fun idea!
No, it was after my time. I just checked and it was written in 1964. I was already married then. I think I read it to my daughter who is now 56. (I just turned 83 so I’m a different generation).
Anything having to do with Harriet the Spy has my vote. . . although my heart hurts so much for your younger self. As a (now retired) teacher, kindness and respect for others was at the top of my list, above teaching anything. I so wish it was so for every classroom. For myself in these later years, I've used Ho'oponopono for radical forgiveness. For myself and others, for the world. For anything, really. The premise behind it is a bit mind-blowing, and its implications for the entire planet significant. Even knowing this, I forget about it a lot. Such is the way of use mere mortals. Louise Fitzhugh knew her stuff, and I remember reading Harriet the Spy as a 4th grader. The way she has Harriet and her friends deal with the notebook's revelations gave me a concrete example of how to rein in my own blunt self.
I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. I can't believe you're writing about this. My 12 Step sponsor and I have been talking about Ho'oponopono for the last couple of weeks. She just sent me a book all about it. Good Grace, that's amazing! Harriet has occupied not only a place in my heart, she also lives on my right forearm. I added her in November to celebrate and seal my commitment to being a writer. She's my muse, and I'm sticking with her, for real! Thank you so much for this comment, Nina. Radical forgiveness is something I'm struggling with right now. Life is full of the best surprises, isn't ti? Ho'oponopono. Perfect. xo
How did I miss this column (until now) about one of my very favorite childhood books? And Aunt Lily is back! I love seeing her handwriting. Can't believe you played in Carl Schurz Park, just like Harriet. (As a Chicago kid, Harriet's NYC environs were entirely abstract to me until adulthood. Carl Schurz Park could have been a made-up name.)
It's wonderful how we take exactly what we need from good childhood books. I hated pants (not sure why) and could not understand why Harriet wanted to dress in them and a hoodie, and to my great unhappiness I had to get glasses at age 6, so I DEFINITELY didn't understand why she wanted to wear glasses, but the diary??? I was ALL OVER that idea.
Yup. It's true. I wanted everything about Harriet, except her parents. I was grateful for mine when I compared. Harriet's parents were MIA almost all the time. And from what I've researched (yes, I've researched) Louise Fitzhugh lived a few blocks away from me and was in the neighborhood when I was. I have fantasies of her seeing me on the street and bending down to chat with me. Not that she'd have to bend too far, she was quite petite. I love the idea of us being in the hood at the same time. A fantasy connection for sure, but a very strong and intentional one. Have I told you about or shown you the Harriet tattoo that now lives on my arm? I got it in December. My muse! Also, this is one of my first pieces. I'm going back and recording the older ones since there are probably a lot of subscribers who've missed them because I've got more readers now. I figured I'd put them to good use. I love recording them! xo Did you know about the townhouse that was up for sale that was Harriet's house? A whole bunch of us (Nina Shengold included) wanted to pool our money and buy it. Another fantasy!
https://nypost.com/2021/10/25/harriet-the-spys-upper-east-side-townhouse-hits-the-market-for-6m/
Wowsa. I never imagined Harriet's house as so grand. I imagined just a regular apartment. Too bad your plan didn't go through. A mere 6 million dollars!
Yes, a drop in the bucket...if you're not me! Yes, she lived way upstairs with Ole Golly, and the kitchen was way downstairs. I was surprised and thrilled when that article came out!
I love this homage to Harriet one of our great storybook girl heroines and how in finding her, you found yourself. The diagnosis of epilepsy must have been so terrifying and disorienting to you as a child. It is true that parents of the 1960s did not talk openly with their children about their medical conditions, adding to that sense of fear & isolation. But look how self-resourced you were at a young age. That’s pretty remarkable. And you had your wonderful Aunt Lily. That inscription is so lovely.
Hi Amy, yes. I remember people didn't talk about any illness openly. I remember my grandmother once whispering about a friend who was ill. I later found out the friend had cancer. My grandmother referred to it as "the rock." I've never heard that from anyone else. And I did figure out some things. Other things eluded me until much later in life. When I was seeing doctors after the first seizure, I remember one of them slapping an X-ray of my skull on a lightbox. When he told me that the image was me, I was terrified. It was so startling, all I could think of was a dead person. Ah, the good old days! xo
Such vivid details you remember! I also think parents back then felt shame, as if the child’s condition was their fault. I know my great aunt felt this way about my cousin’s type 2 diabetes. It was never to be spoken of or acknowledged and yet it cast a shadow over the family as any secret will.
Oh, Nan - we've talked about Harriet before, but this is a new perspective. Such fond memories of that "awakening" to the possibility of writing and observing and finding our true natures. Thanks for sharing this, it's precious and a little sad, but look at you now. 😘🤓💛
Thanks, Troy! It is a little sad––my life was somewhat bittersweet for a very long time, but yes, look at me now! My life has expanded in so many ways. Big hugs to you, my dear friend. xo
I was a fat kid in elementary school. I remember when I got weighed in gym, my (large) gym teacher saw my embarrassment and said, "Hey, I weighed that when I was born!" I'm 77, and I'll never forget that.
You have overcome so many traumatic moments from that time in your life. Do we ever completely get over them, or do we learn to disempower them by focusing on our strengths and blessings? If that makes me brave or courageous, then I, like you, learned it in 12-Step recovery.
Oh, boy. What a thing to say to a child. People are so stupid sometimes. And it stayed with you all these years, which I totally get. That stuff sticks. Bless the 12 Steps and the recovery community for teaching me to live fully. Happy, joyous, and free. xo
Gosh, Nan(cy) -- what you've overcome! And, thank goodness for friends like Harriet, and the love of sweet Aunt Lily.
I love this story. I was a tad awkward as well, probably still am 😆I don’t know the book, though l loved Enid Blyton books and have kept them all, inscribed by my mother. I was also diagnosed with epilepsy when l was in grade 3 and too felt stigma around it. I escaped into The Magic Faraway Tree. By the end of grade 8, l was weaned off what started as 7 tablets a day and never had any more seizures. Thank you for sharing 😊🙏
Thank you, Simone. I was weaned off my epilepsy drugs too, at 18, and told I’d grown out of it. I was fine for 20 years and then a medication I was taking for depression (and came with a warning about people with a seizure history) triggered seizures and I went back on meds. I’m allergic to most epilepsy meds but found one that is better than nothing. I’ve been seizure free for 9 years, thankfully. You should check out Harriet. She’s a great read for adults, too! xo
Hi Nan, pleased to hear you are seizure free 🙏🏼. I will certainly check out Harriet, l often buy children’s books. Thanks ☺️
Thank you so much for sharing 🙏 it feels like you gave me an intimate tour in your “closet” and shared such deeply touching aspects of your childhood that many can relate to. I appreciate it a lot.
This is the podcast! But you can listen on Apple or Spotify. Substack provides podcast capabilities. It’s fabulous.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It's really an honor and so helpful to my own clarity to tell my stories. Thanks for reading! xo
It’s an absolute pleasure 😍 and I’m so grateful you shared the wonderful advice with me to post an audio file together with the article! I was still so new here and didn’t realize what a big difference that makes!
HUGE difference. And then you can start a podcast, which I just did in January. So now, I record two stories a week. A new one and one from my archive. The older stuff is on the podcast. Since I didn't have as many subscribers as I do now, a year later, a lot of my older essays are new for a lot of people! I'm very busy here at Substack, and loving every minute of it. xo
Wow! Thank you for sharing that 😍where can i find your podcast?
I'm so sorry to hear about your epilepsy, Nan. I can only imagine how frightening that was as a young child. I hope it's now under control. My Father had epilepsy but I wasn't told about it until after I got married at 18 and left home. I knew he had "spells" sometimes while sitting in his chair in the living room, but my Mother said he was just sleeping funny. I saw a couple of Grand Mal seizures but didn't know what was happening until I asked my Mother what the initials GM on our wall calendar meant. She initially said it stood for "Got Mad" and that made sense as he was often angry. She finally told me what it truly meant, Grand Mal, after I left home. Keep writing your fascinating stories, they are so compelling.
Thank you, Taru. I was pretty lucky, my epilepsy has never been terrible, especially in later life. It's a blessing, because I'm allergic to almost all the seizure meds, but I take something that keeps me seizure-free. There was an enormous stigma regarding epilepsy, I'm sure worse when your dad experienced it than when I did. Thank you for your good wishes, and for reading and commenting. Much love to you. xo
This is such a wonderful story, I really enjoyed hearing about little Nan, where the name came from and how you came to be a writer. What a bundle of enjoyment ☺️
Thanks, Sheila! xo
I would love to see the tattoo if you ever feel like sharing it!
Go here:
https://nantepper.com/p/meet-nan-tepper
It's in the photo collage! I'm always happy to show people my tats! And if you haven't read this story, it's one I wrote about all of my tats (pre-Harriet)...here it is: https://nantepper.com/p/tattoo-you
I love the tattoo one! Thank you for sharing 😁 I really love your tattoos. I noticed the comma one in your photo, why did you choose the red comma? I love that it’s 32 and the alternating pattern. I’m a real meaning behind tattoos person and I so enjoy hearing the story. Your body is a book this way 📖
You're welcome! The one comma is actually hot pink, which is the brand color I use for all of my creative ventures. It was my brand color for my design business, and then The Next Write Thing, and then Style Your Stack. I wanted to incorporate it. It's also in the Hineni tattoo as dot for i's!
I noticed that! I really enjoyed that detail. I notice that you're a detail-orientated person and I'm all here for it. Oh yeah, I'm on my laptop today rather than my phone and opened the photo fully, I see it's hot pink.
I feel inspired to write about my tattoos, they say so much about a person I think. You are illustrated and turned the body into a book with story prompts.
The origin story of little Nan. I love this.🤗
One of them, for sure. xo
“Writing is to put love in the world.” -Louise Fitzhugh, HTS💓
Azactly. xo
Like you I was an outcast, I didn't fit in, it was hell. I was excruciatingly different from my contemporaries. I found Harriet with my kids (your contemporaries) loved her and have preferred tomato sandwiches every since. I became a writer at 75 (it wasn't too late.) I love this piece. Definitely the Write Thing.
Thanks, Betty! xoxoxox I didn't realize you started writing at 75, I thought you've writing forever.
Thank God for children's literature! When I was 6 Mrs. Piggle Wiggle loved unconditionally. I wallowed in her warmth. Then came Pippi Longstocking who could be all and do all that was necessary. I learned self-sufficiency. Like you, Nan, I escaped into the world of words and never left. I see you in Harriet; and hope you appreciate the fact that there are so many reasons she's been loved for decades.
This is a very superficial comment to your thoughtful piece about your difficult childhood, but it felt very strange to be reading this on the London tube this morning (on my way to my weekly yoga class. I lived at 544 East 86th st 1951-59 and spent ages in Carl Schurz park, walking the family dog - so I was completely there with you in the NYC part. Odd that you later moved to the Catskills, which I also know (but different parts). I never hear anyone talking about that park these days.
PS. While you are on my mind, my post this Wednesday is based on one of my interviews with people with HIV/AIDS. It’s with a very charming guy from Northern Ireland focusing on the concept of stigma (not a million miles away from your post!)
Hey Ann, that's so cool, that you lived there. I loved that park, and have so many memories. Louise Fitzhugh, the author of the book also lived in that neighborhood, while I was a child there. The house that Harriet "lived" in went on the market about 4 years ago. A bunch of friends who all loved Harriet, fantasized about pooling our money and buying the townhouse...never came to pass, but what a fun idea!
https://nypost.com/2021/10/25/harriet-the-spys-upper-east-side-townhouse-hits-the-market-for-6m/
Did you ever read the book?
No, it was after my time. I just checked and it was written in 1964. I was already married then. I think I read it to my daughter who is now 56. (I just turned 83 so I’m a different generation).
You should give it a read. It's quite brilliant.
Anything having to do with Harriet the Spy has my vote. . . although my heart hurts so much for your younger self. As a (now retired) teacher, kindness and respect for others was at the top of my list, above teaching anything. I so wish it was so for every classroom. For myself in these later years, I've used Ho'oponopono for radical forgiveness. For myself and others, for the world. For anything, really. The premise behind it is a bit mind-blowing, and its implications for the entire planet significant. Even knowing this, I forget about it a lot. Such is the way of use mere mortals. Louise Fitzhugh knew her stuff, and I remember reading Harriet the Spy as a 4th grader. The way she has Harriet and her friends deal with the notebook's revelations gave me a concrete example of how to rein in my own blunt self.
I'm so glad it was something useful. I wish I always remembered to use it myself. Love to you, Nan. Harriet lives 🩷
Love back! xo
I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. I can't believe you're writing about this. My 12 Step sponsor and I have been talking about Ho'oponopono for the last couple of weeks. She just sent me a book all about it. Good Grace, that's amazing! Harriet has occupied not only a place in my heart, she also lives on my right forearm. I added her in November to celebrate and seal my commitment to being a writer. She's my muse, and I'm sticking with her, for real! Thank you so much for this comment, Nina. Radical forgiveness is something I'm struggling with right now. Life is full of the best surprises, isn't ti? Ho'oponopono. Perfect. xo