Nan, oh, I felt so much of this, all of it, in fact and I love how you came around to loving voluptuous Nan just as she is--or at least work toward it. I have written about this body shaming, food and weight insanity we women all feel on my Substack, too, because we can't say it enough. In my piece, I titled it "Our bodies are no one's business but our own." And while I believe that intellectually it is a constant battle to believe it in my body and in my spirit, to own my curves and weight just as they are. All of my women friends are constantly in self-critical and self-improvement mode over their bodies and it breaks my heart. No matter how old we get we still seem to struggle, in fact, as we know, aging adds its own unique list of ways to criticize ourselves and find fault. I admire the work you are doing to rewrite this lifelong script for yourself, and you're doing it. I see the glimmers of fat and happy here. I will never be thin either, at least in the way society perceives the acceptable level of thinness. So, yes, the hell with that, right? Nobody's business but my own, thank you very much!
It's definitely still "working toward it" thing for me. I'm not there yet. See my other comment on your restack of the piece. It seems to be a lifelong process, yet I pray to be released from all of the self-judgment and replace it with healthy discernment. I'm on my way and so are you! Much love to you, Amy. xo
I felt this post viscerally. I’ve had moments of surrender but not nearly as many as the moments of cringe. The hatred runs deep. Thank you for being vulnerable and saying all of this out loud, because frankly I don’t know a single person who doesn’t need to hear it. ED is a big part of how I was raised, and I battle it constantly. Speaking out is so important for bringing awareness and helping people to heal. Staying quiet helps no one. It doesn’t matter how thin or fat you are. Everyone has these phobias, especially towards women. My favorite part was “Do I sound angry? Good.”
You never cease to amaze me with your heartfelt, vulnerable, and powerful essays. There is a thread in your writing that touches on a piece I'm publishing Monday. The monster in the mirror is me—how, as women, our culture is ready to put us down, whether it's weight, wrinkles, or age. Literally—like, die already; what use are you? Well, as your writing and the sheer number of women of all ages writing here on Substack prove, we're here and we're staying, warts and all.
LOVE you! Yes. I'm in. Not going anywhere and as each day goes by, and each essay gets published my voice is getting stronger. I love it here. The best, best people live in Substackland! Can't wait to read your piece. xoxo
That moment of grace … I love that it felt magic to you. I love that you entertained the idea of acceptance. I hope you continue to hear that voice and turn over what it means and take steps to embracing and making peace with your current weight and body. It’s easy to say though, right? And it’s terribly hard to do. It is sometimes amazing how much mental space we give our weight…how much control body image has over what we do and how we feel about ourselves.
Yes. Exactly. When I got up this morning, I sat on the edge of my bed and gave my belly a lot of love. I talked to it and told it we were okay. I felt a bit silly doing it, but I need to. And I am looking at myself in a full-length mirror every day after I get dressed. Body stuff is exhausting, and I'd like to take that concern/obsessive thinking out of my daily awareness. Not bury it, just let it go. Love to you, Amy. xo
Exhausting. That’s exactly it. It’s exhausting. And many of us, over the course of years, go back and forth and in between. Good self-talk this morning. I know that where I’m at right now has seriously changed how I feel about myself (again) and how I move in the world. I can’t even imagine a world in which we didn’t do this. It’s so deeply ingrained in our culture, how we look at others, how we look at ourselves, how we view aging. Sad.
Yes. Indeed. There's so much beauty in humans that isn't skin deep. But we often miss it, because of how we've been programmed. It's a huge loss for all of us. xo
The truth is I have choices today. I've made the choice to love myself from the inside out and to say Fuck You to the messages the world has fed me for so long. I've made a pact with myself,my body and my Higher Power. I'm going to appreciate all of me. Setting priority on the outside is fading away. It's such a miniscule part of me. The real me is shining out, and I love her.
Nan,thank you for your Fuck You to the world's messages! Shine on!
I love the vulnerability you let us see in this piece. It doesn't really matter what we weigh, the self-scrutiny is always there. And society's, too, of course. I remember having to shop in the chubby section when shopping for school clothes as a kid. It was humiliating and something I've never forgotten. These days, I aim to eat for better health, but I have no intention of giving up my favorites, like chocolate. My self-scrutiny is more focused on veins these days. Ugly ones. Lots of women are over weight but not that many also have super ugly veins. And yes, I've had surgery on them once, but after too-many-to-count cancer surgeries, that's not for me at this point. So trying to learn to love the body I have, flaws and all. Not there yet. And I'm older than you! Can't believe I shared all this, so guess your piece really resonated! Thank you.
Thank YOU, Nancy. I'm always so touched when readers comment and share their selves with me in vulnerable ways as well. It's special and an honor. I'm eating more mindfully, though I bounce around a lot about that, but overall, that's where I am too, with my food choices. I need to come to a place of self-acceptance, and let that take first row and move self-scrutiny all the way back to the cheap seats, except where it comes to taking responsiblity for my actions. Take good care of you, enjoy your chocolate in all the ways, and let's all love ourselves a lot more. I had a therapist who once said to me right before my first surgery, where I was freaked about having scars, that she had had many surgeries over the course of her life, and she wore her scars like medals that marked how she'd overcome so many limiting obstacles and kept thriving. I love that holding that image in my mind. Heroic. SHEroic! xo
Nan, I LOVE your voice in the voiceover; this topic is painfully relevant to me and so many other women I know. I’m definitely a few pounds overweight right now—why does that bother me so much? My breasts feel like large, hanging melons (I gain weight there, as well as around the middle) and I hate the feeling. One of the most ridiculous questions I find myself asking is, “so does this make me look older?” All the positive self talk in the world doesn’t seem to be enough to silence the corrosive messages so many (most?) women receive from society. Keep writing and exploring this…
Thanks, Debbie! I'm so excited about the voiceovers. I'm planning on launching my podcast next week, to celebrate one year on Substack. Just me, telling my stories. I spent the holiday constructing a tiny recording studio in my little house. I'm having the time of my life on Substack. I also re-posted a piece I wrote at the very beginning of my residency here that is similar, if you'd like to take a read, I don't think you've seen it: https://nantepper.com/p/less-than-zero Again, feel better, sending lots of love and virtual chicken soup your way! xo
I love this Nan. I love how raw and honest it is. I’m not fat! I’ve never carried around extra weight except for when I was pregnant. But I have my own demons around weight. The ones who tell me that if I eat this or that I will get fat. And it’s one of my worse fears. So! I gave away my bathroom scales and have no idea if I gain or lose except by how my clothes feel. Still, there is that side ways glance at my body in the mirror, but not every morning now. I’m graceful for this.
I too have shamed fat people in the past. And I wish I could tell each one that I am sorry. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Fat and happy. Skinny and happy. I wish we could just be plain old happy. I’m in my fat phase right now now. (Because it’s always just a phase, right?) I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I’ve gained 25 lbs in the last 6 months. Slowly. I just want to recognize myself and my body in the mirror.
As for my belly. I’ve been grabbing it and talking to it. Telling it “I love you, but you gotta get outta here!” Not sure how, but I’ve started swimming again which helps my mental health and hopefully my belly friend will go away. But swimming makes me hungry, so IDK. 🤷🏼♀️
This essay is SO relatable. The conversations we have with ourselves in our heads. Oy vay!
I don’t think there’s any getting rid of my belly at this point. Even if I do there’ll be flab. So… We’re beauties, all of us. Inside and out. Remember that the next time you look in the mirror my dear friend. xoxo
I have so much respect for you and your willingness to share all of this, Nan. While disordered eating is not something I've experienced -- at least not in the clinical sense -- I still relate all too well to the shame and culturally driven idea that what I am isn't ever quite right.
Like so many women, when I look back at photographs of myself in my 30s I see a trim, lovely woman. But I remember having a list, then, of all the ways I would change various parts of me if I could. Gah, when I type it out it's so easy to see it for what it is: brainwashing!
We're new at this Substack friendship, you and I, so I haven't a whole lot to base this on. But I hope you'll take it to heart when I tell you that in your profile picture you look radiant, fun, composed, colorful, and sexy. And the words you've interspersed here, the ones that rise above the struggle? They confirm what I see. So, I'm saying it's so! Poof! 💥
Thanks, Elizabeth! I love this comment. And you're absolutely right, I am radiant, fun, composed, colorful, and sexy! I just forget sometimes. I'm glad you can see that...I have to tell you though, I was definitely at my best the day that photo was taken by the most brilliant portrait photographer I've ever known, Franco Vogt. Look him up. He's a genius. And, if you're ever in the Woodstock, NY area and need a new portrait, I can hook you up! Your words are so lovely. I appreciate you. xo
Thank you, Nan. Just today I was rolling my eyes at the fact that I'm at my lowest weight in some time because I've got pneumonia, and have had no appetite, and have felt like actual death. But my pants fit great, so YAY. Is this what we want?? Because I'd like to moan at the taste of sublime food, and I'd like to stop wearing buttons, and I'd like to embrace my inner animal, and never give a single thought to my cellulite. I'll shave my head and tattoo "hag life" on my arm and laugh too loudly and wear my bathing suit without a cover up and only wear make up if it pleases my artistic sensibilities. ✨️
I encourage you to pursue all the things. Moaning over food, embracing that inner animal and your cellulite (that's on my list too) and I spent about 20 years shaving my head...on and off, so highly recommend, it's incredibly freeing and inexpensive to maintain. You've got this! xo
And never once have I heard any man in my life worry about his weight because it affects his self-image. Concerned over weight for health risks, yes, but never in the self-obsessed narcissistic way I, and other women I know, do. Baldness, yes. There’s insecurity there. But a paunch? Never. Such a shame that while we are programmed to struggle to have a “swim bod” there’s a whole population of men just packing whichever swim trunks are handy. I hate this for me. I hate this for us. And I am so grateful that you have articulated all of these thoughts and experiences in such a resonant and meaningful way.
I honestly thought the same thing, pre-transition. I thought that men do not have these same thoughts about their bodies, about arbitrary numbers on the scale, about having a belly, about being sexy. And so little naive me went full bore into my gender transition believing that I would be free from these thoughts and feelings the more I looked and felt like a man. I wanted it to be true so badly it was physically painful to wait for it.
And it showed up for me in some unexpected ways, and it didn't show up for me in most ways, and maybe (years later now) I am still waiting for that "ah-ha" moment of satisfaction when I stare at my profile in a mirror. Maybe these thoughts are too deeply embedded in who I am, far far beyond my perception of myself as one gender or another, as this body versus a younger version of my body.
But I will say this--so many men really do have these same feelings about their bodies. As a man interacting with men I hear it all the time from them. Do they confide these things in women? No, not nearly as often. But to other men, even to one like me who so many of them knew pre-transition, these words spill out in a fever of longing for a body they also do not have. They are afraid they cannot lose the weight, that they are addicted to food, that they need ozempic, that they should try harder to diet or work out, that they don't look sexy to other people (or themselves), that they are or should be ashamed of their bodies. So yes, there is absolutely a difference in the cultural acceptability of fat male bodies (and other shapes of men's bodies), but on the individual level the thoughts and feelings and responses are so similar between all of us that it is haunting.
This is beautiful, Robin. And yes, I know men are insecure about body stuff too, but the world doesn't demand it of them the way they demand it of women. Totally different in my view. The expectation and pressure isn't the same. And I guess, pre-transition, you were receiving all of the messages of "not good enough" if you don't look like whatever someone else deems acceptable. As much as I despise the incoming disaster man, I have called people out repeatedly over the last 9 years for the fat-shaming used against him, by using THAT to assault his character. There are so many other things readily available that actually speak to his many failings. Fat is not a personality trait, negative or positive. It's just an adjective. I'd love to have a conversation with all of us who commented or read this essay all together in a Zoom. It would be fascinating. Thank you so much for the time you took to share your experience here. I value your input SO much. xoxo
Thank you, Mansi. I'm less and less interested in men and what they need. They are for the most part responsible for what women do to themselves regarding this topic and way too many others. And I completely agree with what you are saying here. I don't think of us as self-obsessed narcissists at all. I think the obsession comes from being traumatized to think we are worthless unless we meet an implicit standard. That's why we spin in circles and are so self-critical. My opinion of course. I think we all need to talk about it more and call ourselves out when we oppress other women or judge one another unfairly. If we don't have solidarity and mutual respect for one another, then what? xo
“what if it was entirely okay with me to be a fat woman, strut my stuff, and enjoy food? Enjoy life, without the constant background noise?” This! What if? I love that. I say: more of that. Less isn’t more. It’s less. Let’s have more!
Nan, oh, I felt so much of this, all of it, in fact and I love how you came around to loving voluptuous Nan just as she is--or at least work toward it. I have written about this body shaming, food and weight insanity we women all feel on my Substack, too, because we can't say it enough. In my piece, I titled it "Our bodies are no one's business but our own." And while I believe that intellectually it is a constant battle to believe it in my body and in my spirit, to own my curves and weight just as they are. All of my women friends are constantly in self-critical and self-improvement mode over their bodies and it breaks my heart. No matter how old we get we still seem to struggle, in fact, as we know, aging adds its own unique list of ways to criticize ourselves and find fault. I admire the work you are doing to rewrite this lifelong script for yourself, and you're doing it. I see the glimmers of fat and happy here. I will never be thin either, at least in the way society perceives the acceptable level of thinness. So, yes, the hell with that, right? Nobody's business but my own, thank you very much!
It's definitely still "working toward it" thing for me. I'm not there yet. See my other comment on your restack of the piece. It seems to be a lifelong process, yet I pray to be released from all of the self-judgment and replace it with healthy discernment. I'm on my way and so are you! Much love to you, Amy. xo
I felt this post viscerally. I’ve had moments of surrender but not nearly as many as the moments of cringe. The hatred runs deep. Thank you for being vulnerable and saying all of this out loud, because frankly I don’t know a single person who doesn’t need to hear it. ED is a big part of how I was raised, and I battle it constantly. Speaking out is so important for bringing awareness and helping people to heal. Staying quiet helps no one. It doesn’t matter how thin or fat you are. Everyone has these phobias, especially towards women. My favorite part was “Do I sound angry? Good.”
It's incredible to me what we've let "society" do to us. Every single fucking day. I get it, Lyns. I get it! xo
You never cease to amaze me with your heartfelt, vulnerable, and powerful essays. There is a thread in your writing that touches on a piece I'm publishing Monday. The monster in the mirror is me—how, as women, our culture is ready to put us down, whether it's weight, wrinkles, or age. Literally—like, die already; what use are you? Well, as your writing and the sheer number of women of all ages writing here on Substack prove, we're here and we're staying, warts and all.
LOVE you! Yes. I'm in. Not going anywhere and as each day goes by, and each essay gets published my voice is getting stronger. I love it here. The best, best people live in Substackland! Can't wait to read your piece. xoxo
I'm with you on that! Love you back!
"But on some level, I know I’m beautiful. Inside AND out."
Yes, you are. And so am I.
Yes you definitely are. xoN
That moment of grace … I love that it felt magic to you. I love that you entertained the idea of acceptance. I hope you continue to hear that voice and turn over what it means and take steps to embracing and making peace with your current weight and body. It’s easy to say though, right? And it’s terribly hard to do. It is sometimes amazing how much mental space we give our weight…how much control body image has over what we do and how we feel about ourselves.
Yes. Exactly. When I got up this morning, I sat on the edge of my bed and gave my belly a lot of love. I talked to it and told it we were okay. I felt a bit silly doing it, but I need to. And I am looking at myself in a full-length mirror every day after I get dressed. Body stuff is exhausting, and I'd like to take that concern/obsessive thinking out of my daily awareness. Not bury it, just let it go. Love to you, Amy. xo
Exhausting. That’s exactly it. It’s exhausting. And many of us, over the course of years, go back and forth and in between. Good self-talk this morning. I know that where I’m at right now has seriously changed how I feel about myself (again) and how I move in the world. I can’t even imagine a world in which we didn’t do this. It’s so deeply ingrained in our culture, how we look at others, how we look at ourselves, how we view aging. Sad.
Yes. Indeed. There's so much beauty in humans that isn't skin deep. But we often miss it, because of how we've been programmed. It's a huge loss for all of us. xo
The truth is I have choices today. I've made the choice to love myself from the inside out and to say Fuck You to the messages the world has fed me for so long. I've made a pact with myself,my body and my Higher Power. I'm going to appreciate all of me. Setting priority on the outside is fading away. It's such a miniscule part of me. The real me is shining out, and I love her.
Nan,thank you for your Fuck You to the world's messages! Shine on!
I love the real you, too, Marguerite. We'll shine on together? xo You're the best.
Hi Nan,
I love the vulnerability you let us see in this piece. It doesn't really matter what we weigh, the self-scrutiny is always there. And society's, too, of course. I remember having to shop in the chubby section when shopping for school clothes as a kid. It was humiliating and something I've never forgotten. These days, I aim to eat for better health, but I have no intention of giving up my favorites, like chocolate. My self-scrutiny is more focused on veins these days. Ugly ones. Lots of women are over weight but not that many also have super ugly veins. And yes, I've had surgery on them once, but after too-many-to-count cancer surgeries, that's not for me at this point. So trying to learn to love the body I have, flaws and all. Not there yet. And I'm older than you! Can't believe I shared all this, so guess your piece really resonated! Thank you.
Thank YOU, Nancy. I'm always so touched when readers comment and share their selves with me in vulnerable ways as well. It's special and an honor. I'm eating more mindfully, though I bounce around a lot about that, but overall, that's where I am too, with my food choices. I need to come to a place of self-acceptance, and let that take first row and move self-scrutiny all the way back to the cheap seats, except where it comes to taking responsiblity for my actions. Take good care of you, enjoy your chocolate in all the ways, and let's all love ourselves a lot more. I had a therapist who once said to me right before my first surgery, where I was freaked about having scars, that she had had many surgeries over the course of her life, and she wore her scars like medals that marked how she'd overcome so many limiting obstacles and kept thriving. I love that holding that image in my mind. Heroic. SHEroic! xo
Nan, I LOVE your voice in the voiceover; this topic is painfully relevant to me and so many other women I know. I’m definitely a few pounds overweight right now—why does that bother me so much? My breasts feel like large, hanging melons (I gain weight there, as well as around the middle) and I hate the feeling. One of the most ridiculous questions I find myself asking is, “so does this make me look older?” All the positive self talk in the world doesn’t seem to be enough to silence the corrosive messages so many (most?) women receive from society. Keep writing and exploring this…
Thanks, Debbie! I'm so excited about the voiceovers. I'm planning on launching my podcast next week, to celebrate one year on Substack. Just me, telling my stories. I spent the holiday constructing a tiny recording studio in my little house. I'm having the time of my life on Substack. I also re-posted a piece I wrote at the very beginning of my residency here that is similar, if you'd like to take a read, I don't think you've seen it: https://nantepper.com/p/less-than-zero Again, feel better, sending lots of love and virtual chicken soup your way! xo
Such a nefarious voice we all carry within ourselves. I sometimes wonder when it arrived within me, and I can truthfully say I have no idea.
I know that I don’t want to be at war with my body.
I know that I am 40 pounds over my healthy weight
I know that I cannot rely on returning to that weight due to health issues.
So, it is what it is. A conundrum.
This too belongs (as Tara Brach says)
Maybe one day I’ll feel differently, or maybe I won’t. Maybe you will feel differently one day, maybe you won’t.
This too belongs.
May we both be better students of accepting what is without having an opinion about it.
💞
Yay, Teyani! Yes, that's exactly what I want. Your last sentence. Thank you. xo
I love this Nan. I love how raw and honest it is. I’m not fat! I’ve never carried around extra weight except for when I was pregnant. But I have my own demons around weight. The ones who tell me that if I eat this or that I will get fat. And it’s one of my worse fears. So! I gave away my bathroom scales and have no idea if I gain or lose except by how my clothes feel. Still, there is that side ways glance at my body in the mirror, but not every morning now. I’m graceful for this.
I too have shamed fat people in the past. And I wish I could tell each one that I am sorry. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Fat and happy. Skinny and happy. I wish we could just be plain old happy. I’m in my fat phase right now now. (Because it’s always just a phase, right?) I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I’ve gained 25 lbs in the last 6 months. Slowly. I just want to recognize myself and my body in the mirror.
As for my belly. I’ve been grabbing it and talking to it. Telling it “I love you, but you gotta get outta here!” Not sure how, but I’ve started swimming again which helps my mental health and hopefully my belly friend will go away. But swimming makes me hungry, so IDK. 🤷🏼♀️
This essay is SO relatable. The conversations we have with ourselves in our heads. Oy vay!
I don’t think there’s any getting rid of my belly at this point. Even if I do there’ll be flab. So… We’re beauties, all of us. Inside and out. Remember that the next time you look in the mirror my dear friend. xoxo
Right back at you!! 🤍🩷🤍
I have so much respect for you and your willingness to share all of this, Nan. While disordered eating is not something I've experienced -- at least not in the clinical sense -- I still relate all too well to the shame and culturally driven idea that what I am isn't ever quite right.
Like so many women, when I look back at photographs of myself in my 30s I see a trim, lovely woman. But I remember having a list, then, of all the ways I would change various parts of me if I could. Gah, when I type it out it's so easy to see it for what it is: brainwashing!
We're new at this Substack friendship, you and I, so I haven't a whole lot to base this on. But I hope you'll take it to heart when I tell you that in your profile picture you look radiant, fun, composed, colorful, and sexy. And the words you've interspersed here, the ones that rise above the struggle? They confirm what I see. So, I'm saying it's so! Poof! 💥
Thanks, Elizabeth! I love this comment. And you're absolutely right, I am radiant, fun, composed, colorful, and sexy! I just forget sometimes. I'm glad you can see that...I have to tell you though, I was definitely at my best the day that photo was taken by the most brilliant portrait photographer I've ever known, Franco Vogt. Look him up. He's a genius. And, if you're ever in the Woodstock, NY area and need a new portrait, I can hook you up! Your words are so lovely. I appreciate you. xo
No doubt a great portrait photographer is a gift unto itself. But he was staring with strong material. XX 💪
Thank you, Nan. Just today I was rolling my eyes at the fact that I'm at my lowest weight in some time because I've got pneumonia, and have had no appetite, and have felt like actual death. But my pants fit great, so YAY. Is this what we want?? Because I'd like to moan at the taste of sublime food, and I'd like to stop wearing buttons, and I'd like to embrace my inner animal, and never give a single thought to my cellulite. I'll shave my head and tattoo "hag life" on my arm and laugh too loudly and wear my bathing suit without a cover up and only wear make up if it pleases my artistic sensibilities. ✨️
I encourage you to pursue all the things. Moaning over food, embracing that inner animal and your cellulite (that's on my list too) and I spent about 20 years shaving my head...on and off, so highly recommend, it's incredibly freeing and inexpensive to maintain. You've got this! xo
And never once have I heard any man in my life worry about his weight because it affects his self-image. Concerned over weight for health risks, yes, but never in the self-obsessed narcissistic way I, and other women I know, do. Baldness, yes. There’s insecurity there. But a paunch? Never. Such a shame that while we are programmed to struggle to have a “swim bod” there’s a whole population of men just packing whichever swim trunks are handy. I hate this for me. I hate this for us. And I am so grateful that you have articulated all of these thoughts and experiences in such a resonant and meaningful way.
I honestly thought the same thing, pre-transition. I thought that men do not have these same thoughts about their bodies, about arbitrary numbers on the scale, about having a belly, about being sexy. And so little naive me went full bore into my gender transition believing that I would be free from these thoughts and feelings the more I looked and felt like a man. I wanted it to be true so badly it was physically painful to wait for it.
And it showed up for me in some unexpected ways, and it didn't show up for me in most ways, and maybe (years later now) I am still waiting for that "ah-ha" moment of satisfaction when I stare at my profile in a mirror. Maybe these thoughts are too deeply embedded in who I am, far far beyond my perception of myself as one gender or another, as this body versus a younger version of my body.
But I will say this--so many men really do have these same feelings about their bodies. As a man interacting with men I hear it all the time from them. Do they confide these things in women? No, not nearly as often. But to other men, even to one like me who so many of them knew pre-transition, these words spill out in a fever of longing for a body they also do not have. They are afraid they cannot lose the weight, that they are addicted to food, that they need ozempic, that they should try harder to diet or work out, that they don't look sexy to other people (or themselves), that they are or should be ashamed of their bodies. So yes, there is absolutely a difference in the cultural acceptability of fat male bodies (and other shapes of men's bodies), but on the individual level the thoughts and feelings and responses are so similar between all of us that it is haunting.
This is beautiful, Robin. And yes, I know men are insecure about body stuff too, but the world doesn't demand it of them the way they demand it of women. Totally different in my view. The expectation and pressure isn't the same. And I guess, pre-transition, you were receiving all of the messages of "not good enough" if you don't look like whatever someone else deems acceptable. As much as I despise the incoming disaster man, I have called people out repeatedly over the last 9 years for the fat-shaming used against him, by using THAT to assault his character. There are so many other things readily available that actually speak to his many failings. Fat is not a personality trait, negative or positive. It's just an adjective. I'd love to have a conversation with all of us who commented or read this essay all together in a Zoom. It would be fascinating. Thank you so much for the time you took to share your experience here. I value your input SO much. xoxo
Thank you, Mansi. I'm less and less interested in men and what they need. They are for the most part responsible for what women do to themselves regarding this topic and way too many others. And I completely agree with what you are saying here. I don't think of us as self-obsessed narcissists at all. I think the obsession comes from being traumatized to think we are worthless unless we meet an implicit standard. That's why we spin in circles and are so self-critical. My opinion of course. I think we all need to talk about it more and call ourselves out when we oppress other women or judge one another unfairly. If we don't have solidarity and mutual respect for one another, then what? xo
Amen to more open, honest conversations!
Yes! And a little more love and support going back and forth between women.
Oh, to be rid of the background noise. Thanks, as always, for articulating your experience and sharing it.
As always, a pleasure and an adventure! xo
“what if it was entirely okay with me to be a fat woman, strut my stuff, and enjoy food? Enjoy life, without the constant background noise?” This! What if? I love that. I say: more of that. Less isn’t more. It’s less. Let’s have more!
YES! Thanks for reading, Susan, and commenting. Less IS less. So glad to have talked with you today. xo
I'm delighted to have met you. Great conversation.