Like others in the comments, I'm impressed by the power of this memory, Nan. Regardless of whether all the details would be remembered the same way by others, it's clear that at a young age you found a way to sooth your sadness when your mother wasn't there for you. Maybe habits don't form after a single instance, but chances are treats …
Like others in the comments, I'm impressed by the power of this memory, Nan. Regardless of whether all the details would be remembered the same way by others, it's clear that at a young age you found a way to sooth your sadness when your mother wasn't there for you. Maybe habits don't form after a single instance, but chances are treats were offered to you repeatedly as a distraction and a "remedy" for the grown-ups. Thanks for having the courage to share this, and for putting in the work needed to change. Not to lay blame at the feet of the victim, but I do think there are those who, after identifying the probable origin of their behavior, continue to use that as an excuse to stay the way they are. Brava to you!
I don't know that I was repeatedly dosed with these soothing foods by others as much as I found a way to soothe myself with them. And it definitely was not just because I felt my mother wasn't there for me. I used food to gain weight, however subconsciously, as a way to keep myself safe from predators. That's how my teenage brain dealt with the sexual assaults I experienced at 12 and 14. Have you ever recovered from disordered eating? It's a very hard thing to surmount. I think it's crucial to have compassion for others and not judge people because of an inability or a perceived unwillingness to heal. I'm not saying you're judging, but if you've never been troubled with this type of disorder, or alcohol or drug dependency, I want you to know just how difficult recovery can be. For the sake of clarity, I am working hard at recovering from the desire to self-medicate with food/sugar so that I'm becoming more capable of experiencing what I feel, instead of burying it underneath a temporary salve. It's hard to let go of those behaviors. I'm also coming to terms and a place of self-acceptance with regard to my size. It's possible I'll always be a fat woman. That's a hard one, but I think it's very important to love myself as I am. I'm not resigned to that as my outcome, just realistic! Thank you so much for listening and commenting!
Thanks, Nan, for the thoughtful reply. Who am I to assume I know anything about how you navigated the complex and painful parts of your childhood? Likewise, it seems in my intention to applaud you for the work you've done, and are doing, to heal I inadvertently came off as judgmental toward those who haven't, or can't. I apologize for that. To answer your question directly, no, I've not deal with substance addiction, but I do think of it as an illness, not a personal failing. So I know better than to suggest that it's just a matter of having the chops to "get it managed." Forgive me for how that came off. I'm not sure why some people get to a place of being ready to address the addiction while others don't, or can't. I know a lot of folks can't afford it or don't know where to get help. I saw a political cartoon today that seems to fit here. I can't find my way back to the original link, but here's the same one: https://x.com/SportmphMark/status/1510588232051965954
Thank you so much for your response. I think it's so important for all of us to dialogue about these things. Mine is a quest for inner peace. That's the work I'm doing. And I'm doing it in a culture that has tremendous disdain and fear of difference, of mental illness, of drug and alcohol addiction, of women, of fat people, of people of color, all of it. So many barriers to peace and kindness. I honor everyone who wants to talk about these things. My response to you was not intended to leave you feeling badly about what you said. It was just to open eyes a bit more, start a deeper conversation. None of us really know one another's stories, what we've experienced, how we've struggled. What I do know is that we all struggle with something. This place, my stack, is a place of peace, of honesty, and of kindness....and hopefully some laughter, too! Which doesn't mean I don't feel anger sometimes at the system, at the state of our world. And I write about it. But I need to cultivate an inner wisdom that's rooted in love. Sometimes, I listen to myself or read what I've written and I'm shocked that it's me. I sound so emotionally healthy! And if that's true I owe so much of it to 12-Step, therapy, and loving friends and family. I'm a truly fortunate person. Fortunate that I haven't given up on myself, that I've overcome so many things, that I have willingness to grow that's never dimmed. I'm happier than I've ever been. I relish my days. It all feels so dear to me.
I appreciate you, too, Elizabeth! So much. I just looked at that cartoon. It's perfect. The question might be, how can something so complex also be so simple? Or the opposite? Or both? Big hugs to you, and thank you again. xo
Like others in the comments, I'm impressed by the power of this memory, Nan. Regardless of whether all the details would be remembered the same way by others, it's clear that at a young age you found a way to sooth your sadness when your mother wasn't there for you. Maybe habits don't form after a single instance, but chances are treats were offered to you repeatedly as a distraction and a "remedy" for the grown-ups. Thanks for having the courage to share this, and for putting in the work needed to change. Not to lay blame at the feet of the victim, but I do think there are those who, after identifying the probable origin of their behavior, continue to use that as an excuse to stay the way they are. Brava to you!
I don't know that I was repeatedly dosed with these soothing foods by others as much as I found a way to soothe myself with them. And it definitely was not just because I felt my mother wasn't there for me. I used food to gain weight, however subconsciously, as a way to keep myself safe from predators. That's how my teenage brain dealt with the sexual assaults I experienced at 12 and 14. Have you ever recovered from disordered eating? It's a very hard thing to surmount. I think it's crucial to have compassion for others and not judge people because of an inability or a perceived unwillingness to heal. I'm not saying you're judging, but if you've never been troubled with this type of disorder, or alcohol or drug dependency, I want you to know just how difficult recovery can be. For the sake of clarity, I am working hard at recovering from the desire to self-medicate with food/sugar so that I'm becoming more capable of experiencing what I feel, instead of burying it underneath a temporary salve. It's hard to let go of those behaviors. I'm also coming to terms and a place of self-acceptance with regard to my size. It's possible I'll always be a fat woman. That's a hard one, but I think it's very important to love myself as I am. I'm not resigned to that as my outcome, just realistic! Thank you so much for listening and commenting!
Thanks, Nan, for the thoughtful reply. Who am I to assume I know anything about how you navigated the complex and painful parts of your childhood? Likewise, it seems in my intention to applaud you for the work you've done, and are doing, to heal I inadvertently came off as judgmental toward those who haven't, or can't. I apologize for that. To answer your question directly, no, I've not deal with substance addiction, but I do think of it as an illness, not a personal failing. So I know better than to suggest that it's just a matter of having the chops to "get it managed." Forgive me for how that came off. I'm not sure why some people get to a place of being ready to address the addiction while others don't, or can't. I know a lot of folks can't afford it or don't know where to get help. I saw a political cartoon today that seems to fit here. I can't find my way back to the original link, but here's the same one: https://x.com/SportmphMark/status/1510588232051965954
Appreciate you!
Thank you so much for your response. I think it's so important for all of us to dialogue about these things. Mine is a quest for inner peace. That's the work I'm doing. And I'm doing it in a culture that has tremendous disdain and fear of difference, of mental illness, of drug and alcohol addiction, of women, of fat people, of people of color, all of it. So many barriers to peace and kindness. I honor everyone who wants to talk about these things. My response to you was not intended to leave you feeling badly about what you said. It was just to open eyes a bit more, start a deeper conversation. None of us really know one another's stories, what we've experienced, how we've struggled. What I do know is that we all struggle with something. This place, my stack, is a place of peace, of honesty, and of kindness....and hopefully some laughter, too! Which doesn't mean I don't feel anger sometimes at the system, at the state of our world. And I write about it. But I need to cultivate an inner wisdom that's rooted in love. Sometimes, I listen to myself or read what I've written and I'm shocked that it's me. I sound so emotionally healthy! And if that's true I owe so much of it to 12-Step, therapy, and loving friends and family. I'm a truly fortunate person. Fortunate that I haven't given up on myself, that I've overcome so many things, that I have willingness to grow that's never dimmed. I'm happier than I've ever been. I relish my days. It all feels so dear to me.
I appreciate you, too, Elizabeth! So much. I just looked at that cartoon. It's perfect. The question might be, how can something so complex also be so simple? Or the opposite? Or both? Big hugs to you, and thank you again. xo
Likewise!